Being played...need some serious advice =(

[LILI]

So im an idiot. Ive been going out with this guy for about a month and a hlaf, and at the beggining it was wonderful, we went out, we went to the beach at night, we thought me how to shoot, and we even played pranks on each other, i even toilet paper his car. On our first month aniversary he did something super sweet, he got a box of lucky chamrs and he took all the reagular cereal out and left only the marshmallows in cuz thats the best part, well, that right there had to take him about an hour or so. So, we havent been able to see each other because i work a lot, but then i transferred my shift for the morning so i could see him at nite, (offcourse i didnt tell ihm that was the reason). Well, to somehow make a long story short, i ended up making out with him everytime i see him, and we kinda had sex so =(. The thing is everytime he sees me he tells me he wishes i didnt work so much, but then i tell him that after 5 im free, and he says that he usually hangs out with his friends after that time. Well, thats another thing that bothers me a lot, i dont know any of his friends, and he does everything a player does, he doesnt get his phone when it rings, but yet he listens to his voicemail and smiles while listening to it, and when he picks up, theres been 2 times girls have called him, and he just says im watching a movie (not mention me at all). So, well, i think you can tell when a person wants you or not, and i think my mistake was giving it up so fast, i thought he'd have something else to offer after ...but nah. What sucks is that now he calls me like once a week, and im his booty call, so SORRY FOR RAMBLING but i just need to know how to fix this, i like him a lot, and i dont wanna lose him, but i dont wanna complain too much because that would just drive him away, and i dont wanna keep on putting out like this and feeling like an idiot. Should i tell him i wanna meet his friends etc..? or what exaclty should i do....i feel like the biggest idiot for turning this relationship around like this, cuz i know at the beggining it wasnt like this, what shoudl i dooooooooooo?

[lifeiscash]

You are still going to have feelings for him. The best thing to do is say that you would like to do your own thing for awhile and not have any contact with this guy. This way you can get your mind straight and you will eventually let go of these feelings you have for him.

 

If i was in your situation I would talk to him about this, let it known that your upset about it. If he listens and cares to change things then thats great, but if you is passive and doesn't seem to be interested then you know what you must do. To have him there just as a friend will bring alot of pain. You have to let go of these feelings because its's only hurting you.

[BillyJean714]

What's important is to realize how sincere his actions are. Are you guys 'exclusive'? If so, truly ask yourself if you want to be with someone who shows you signs of being a player. First of all, red flag warning #1: "I can't hang out with you after 5" sounds like bull to me. It's really unfair for you to take the time and effort in accomodating to *his* schedule, yet, he can't even be accomodating to yours? It's a give and take deal and the relationship seems more one-sided. If anything, if he truly cares for you, he would naturally want to bring you around to meet his friends. Assuming that you are in a commited relationship, if he's legit, he will do so. Otherwise, he's taking advantage of the situation and your hunch is right, he's playing you.

 

Red Flag Warning #2: "I'm watching a movie". Wow, and who's there next to him while he's saying this on the phone? You are, right? These are obvious signs. His actions show that he's not honest. It's up to you to decide if you deserve to be treated better or not. This torment surely isn't healthy. It will only get worse. About the marshmellow thing, sure it's cute but he has to be consistant in how he shows his respect/sincerity towards you. Otherwise, he's not worth it.

 

However, if you guys are not exclusive, then he does have the right to date whoever he wants, but if it bothers you, let him know. If things don't change, then know that you'll find better.

[kenneth05]

>and i dont wanna lose him

you don't want to lose him?? hello??? you don't have him! and you aren't going to have him. why you'd want to have him is another issue altogether. get yourself a guy who respects you. you said it yourself, you're just another bootycall to this player.

best of luck

[LILI]

See...but another thing is that i dont know if im asking too much, i mean we have been going out only for a month and a hlaf, since april12 was our aniversary, and he calls me almost everday but he doesnt see me , like for example, he called me last week ,on friday, on sat, sun, but then monday when i had the time to see him, he didnt pick up the phone and was nowhere to find, then on tuesday, he thought i had to work, but i didnt, and i called him and he was at his friends house, but then he called and said he wanted to meet me after he finished watching the game, and he called me at 12:30 that night.... bleh, then on wed, he called me right after work, and i saw him, then we had sex, then we got icecream and i went home like at 10. But GET THIS!, i ran outta gas on my way home, and i called him, he asked me where i was and he said "there are like 4 gas stations all around you dude" so im like, ok ill just walk, and hes like "ok....well are you sure, are you ok" and im like yeah dotn worry, so he said he was gonna look for a tank and he ended up bringing me some gas, giving me a kiss, and going back home =(. My question is, why would he bother doing sweet things sometimes if he just wants a fling??? i mean, why does he call me.., but then then last time i saw him or talkt o him was after he gave me gas......is there any way to get his attention back, or turn this around on him.....ahh i feel like the biggest loser man.

[Jetta]

Okay you said it yourself. You are his booty call. So quit allowing him to go there with you and watch him quit calling. You don't need a man like this in your life.

[BillyJean714]

After all, you drove over there to meet him, right? Perhaps he did it because he felt somewhat responsible. He's giving off tidbits of emotions. Instead of being halfassed, he could've just picked you up. Traveling at night, especially for a girl, is not safe. He knows this. Haven't you heard of the line "Exploit the bad ones and keep the good ones?" This line isn't always true, but it illustrates the poor mentality that 'using' people is justifiable. When it comes to getting played, it's not just the bad girls (outwardly trashy, easy girls) who get played, nice girls get played too. They get played because they're naiive. They're easy prey. Plus, in some ways they allow themselves to be used because they're in denial about the situation hoping that the guy that they're with isn't a jerk. This guy is well aware of his actions torwards you. If he doesn't treat you like a sig. other, and you consistently forgive him, he's trained to think, "Okay, well, she accepts how I treat her, so I'll keep on doing it." It's degrading, but he clearly shows no remorse. On your part: stand your ground. It takes two to tango. If you don't want this to happen anymore, communicate your feelings and walk away, otherwise, he'll keep on taking advantage of the situation because he sees that he's allowed to.

 

Like I said, if he truly considered you as his sig. other, he would at least include you with one of the most important people in his life such as his friends. And, he would do nice things for you consistantly and make sure that you are well taken care of, not just once, but always. You're not asking for too much. That's what people do when they truly love someone. Btw, being no where to be found is shady on his part. Love truly is blind, isn't it? Unfortunately, some lessons are learned the hard way. Like what the previous posters mentioned: cut this guy out of your life. Find a guy who will treat you with class.

[Drizown]

Oh how easy it is to forget what it's about. Let me remind you: It's about the guy that wants to be with you, calls you, makes you feel sexy, and desired fully. He wants to see you more and more often because everytime he sees you he likes and then loves you more and more. I know having a little love and affection may help you get through the day or week of the month-- but will it get you through a lifetime? You have every right to know what's going on between you and someone you're knocking socks with, And the more confident you are that you deserve that (and much more) the better relationships and less time wasted you'll have.

 

I personally hate talking about my feelings. I hate talking about my "relationship". I know I'm a chick and chicks are supposed to be all emotional, but im not. I dont like it one but. I particularly don't like asking a guy where the relationship is going or how he feels about me. Ew. It should be natural and easy and obvious. Who wants to be that crazy girl who needs to know exactly what's going on the minute she meets a guy? Id rather be the girl who knows how to hang out and not be demanding. Thats who i always want to be, thats who ive always been.

 

The thing about the cool girl is t hat she still gets her feelings hurt. She still has reactions to how she's being treated. She still hopes he'll call wonders when she'll get to see him nex and if hes excited about beint with her.

 

Maybe this is just me, but i dont want to be sort of dating someone, or kinda hanging out. i dont want to spend a lot of energy suppressing all my feelings to appear uninvolved. i want to be involved. i want to be sleeping with someone i know ill see again because they've already demonstrated to me that they're trustworthy and honorable-- and into me. Sure in the beginning you're cautious about how much you give away. But that caution shouldnt be to make him feel more comfortable.

 

 

In conclusion to my rambling if you dont know where the relationship is going or you dislike something about it, its okay to pull over and ask. Murky is not good, and theres is a guuy out there who will want to tell everyone that he's ur boyfriend. quit wasting your time with a player and go find him.

[miracle29]

I'll tell you what the real issue is here, and i've noticed no one has gone into this so allow me .....

 

One of the biggest problems i see is that you are trying to be exclusive with a guy who has never said "we're exclusive" and girlfriend you're not exclusive until he says you're exclusive until then, you are just dating. Your biggest issue is you're so busy listening to his phone ring, obsessing over his every move that you havent got a life. A life could simply be to date others, pick another hobby, put space between you and he or better yet, do to him as he does to you. Let others call you and you do the same, and i'd like to be a fly on the wall and see how hard he'd be smiling then.

 

Don't revolve your entire world around this guy, obsessing and worrying your heart out about his every move, but instead make some moves yourself. Go out more, get more numbers, or give yours away to more availiable men, because honey, God didnt break the mold when he made this guy. He's just one of many you'll be worrying about if you don't get some confidence and snap out of this dependency on a man who cleary isnt waiting on your call!!

[miracle29]

P.S HOT OFF THE PRESS

 

....and i think most of the men on this sight will agree with me and the women who know better....

 

sweety any time you have to spend all your gas and do all the driving to meet a man, you've already showed that you are desperate.

 

When a man truly wants you, he will drive, walk, run, fly to you. He doesnt have to be rich, but you can bet a dime to a donut that he will indeed find a way to meet you. Only a man who is selfish would put all the driving on you. ONLY a selfish man would treat you like he's doing you a favor letting you come see him. Honey don't you know you are a queen you have the power. In the bible (not to get all religious or crazy but listen) in the bible it says "WHEN A MAN FINDETH A WIFE HE FINDETH A GOOD THING";, it didnt say when a woman finds a man. Men are the persuers, if he's not chasing you a bit, or calling you, or showing you interest at respectful times, and in a very predictable fashion then sugar, hes using you for his needs and you are not the apple of his eye.

 

Do you think a man would try Angelina Jolie like this? "hey jole, meet me here? Shes to much of a Diva for that and so are you. Shed be like next...

 

Take notes honey..don't be a victim. 8)