I need a womans perspective please.

[urbangentleman]

H all,

 

Thanks for taking the time to read and help me. I'll try keep it short.My ex broke up with me 2 weeks ago today becuase she said it wwas going too fast, she's too busy, feels like she is not ready for a relationship, thinks maybe we want different things, is commitment phobic etc. I offered to slow it down but she still ended it, saying that she still wants to be friends and she enjoys my company and still wants to catch up.I told her i wasnt sure if i could do that after being intimate with her for the past 3 months. I had NC for 10 days and then rang her on mothers day just to say hi, wish her happy moyhers day (she has twin 7 yo girls, who i adore) and that if she wanted to catch up to give me a call.She statred to make converstion with me , sounded surprised that i had called, and then i cut the call short.Two nights ago i got a text from her , from a previous converstion of me saying to her that i hope she didnt drop the subject she was doing because there was no challenge in that.She text me saying that she was still doing it and that i knew her , stubborn as always.

 

I really want to ring her and ask her to catch up for a drink, and try and be friends, as i miss her companionship very much.Problem is i'm not sure if she will reject me again or whether she is just confused.Why would she want to still be friends with me?

 

She has told me previously that i am so different from other guys that she has dated, ant that i am very sweet, caring and sane, and that i have been so good to her.If thats true, why did she dump me. I am 30 she is 26...please help me clear my thoughts!

[Elite]

You may be the sweetest guy in the world, but to her something is missing! My advice to you is move on, you can not make her change her mind. From my own experience you can not change who you are to try and make someone you care for come back to you, if it is meant to be it will! I am not saying run out and find another girlfriend, but live your life and what ever happens, happens. Don't call her, let her call you (if she wants).

If you are ready for more then one day you will find a girl who is on the same page as you, until then be happy with what you have and don't try to change the things you have no controll over. It is not your problem it is hers, if you can be friends then great, but if you can't then stay away until you can. Respect her for being honest with you and not staying just because, you want and deserve someone who will love you as much as you love them, respect you, be honest with you and be loyal.

 

I wish you all the luck and the best

[cleverme123]

Well she still may feel something is missing, that's always a possibility. Or it could be she changed her mind and found something else on the side that you don't know about. Could be she is fearful of being hurt, or fear of commitment.

 

There is something going on with her, and if you pay real close attention to her conversations with you and what she has already said you should be able to piece it together. My guess is she is running because she can deal with nasty, mean guys, but doesn't know how to handle nice ones. That lack of iggnorance will push some women away. Ya know the "too good to be true thing"

 

You can either try to work on a friendship or move on to someone else that is running away. If you want to give it a go with her you will have to back way off, totally a guess but I would go with she's seeing someone else.

[urbangentleman]

thanks for the reply's people....what makes u think that she is seeing someone else?....has she maybe lost attraction for me, what's puzzling me is that if she wanted out wouldnt it have happened before now, i was only with her for 3.5 months and 3 weeks ago she said she really enjoyed being with me calling me babe etc????....please try and calrify my mind a bit more...thank you

[Elite]

The only person who can answer that question is her, you can not assume anything! Do not sit there and try to analyse the whole situation, just move on. If she still has feelings for you she will work out her own insecurity and come back, if not you need to make yourself happy and stop wondering what you did wrong. This is not your problem it is hers, she is the only one who can fix it. She has told you why she has done what she has done, now you need to except that and move on with your life, if you don't and you push the issue you may just push her so far of no return, or you will drive yourself crazy!

[mshollywod]

Elite is correct. Plus if you leave it up to her it will definitely answer your question...meaning is she calls you she wants you back and if she doesn't she's not interested. I know it hurts but life can be a b@#!% sometimes.

[Royltnxile]

Urban...

 

I totally empathize with your situation, it's so much like mine it's scary! I too had a 4 month involvement with a very sweet, charming, and attractive 31 year old who was also very very much into me, and she let me know it all the time. She pushed me away on Valentines Day totallyl unexpectedly and out of the blue.

 

Your girl has issues with herself Urban. Issues you can do nothing about. Women with these issues have a very difficult time accepting someone who accepts and loves them for who they are. Low self esteem, insecurities, low body self image, ...etc..etc....lead them to crazy behavior and prevent them from truly appreciating the good guys. They push them away out of fear of commitment and being hurt again, and because they dont feel like they deserve someone so nice. This is what happened to me.

 

Your best bet is to let her go and stay very distant. Accept that you can't change her, and you can't fix her issues either. You didnt do anything wrong so don't beat yourself up about "not being good enough" for her either. It's not about you, its about her...and the better question should be "is she good enough for YOU". She needs to fix herself and love herself before she can let anyone else lover her.

 

Unfortunately, that's the way it is. It doesnt make it hurt any less either. This I know.

 

Hang in there.