Crush on older girl. Please help!

[guo84]

 

 

I am 20 and I got a crush on a lady who is 26. She is a university graduate and with car. Also I do not know her status.(Attached or

married?) Her name is A.

 

I knew her in my attachment company. Next week I will be working as a temp staff till end of may. I will be going army on june.

 

Last time when I see a pretty girl I will like them. But that is because I just find the girl pretty. But I knew her for 2 months and suddenly I got this spark on her. I am attracted by her personality.

 

last weekend we went on a outing as a group of 5 people. We went at 9pm den we play bowling, arcade and pool till 1am next morning. I even toss coin to see whether should I go for the outing but in the end I follow my heart.

 

The 3 of them took a cab back cos they were staying close to each other. I stay in a different area so one of the guys told her to send me back. When she send me back, She asked me some questions like how come i am so quiet in the company? She also ask about my project stuffs. She also told me to have more confidence in myself. This sentence really makes me think a lot.

 

cos my supervisiors play badminton, she also say if they all got play badminton den I were to join them, I can ask her and our group along. After she send me home I send her a good night message and she replied. I hope this is not the first and last outing.

 

Also, monday when we went back to the company, cos there was one girl who did not went for the outing. Den she ask how was it? A say I was good in bowling then i keep looking at A face. den she ask how come I keep looking at her? Den immediately I look away.I am worry that I have drop this hint.

 

She treats me quite well and I think I am touched by her actions. How do i know the way she treat me is the same as anyone else? I think she only treat me as a small brother.

 

But I am feeling quite troubled and I do not know excatly what to do. i have told all my friends about it. I even called counselling services.I am feeling very painful right now.

 

Should I just treat her as a sister? I know if I treat her as a sister I should not have all these feelings.

 

What should I do now? I still want this friend. Should I forget her?

[smallworld]

First things first. You need to find out if she's attached/married. Until you know more, don't think about her too much. Your mind can be your friend or your enemy. The more you think about her, the more it hurts to not be with her. Go out with friends and treat yourself well. Try to meet other girls. Remind yourself there was a time you never even knew she existed and yet you managed to be happy just the same. If it's meant to be, it'll happen. Good luck!

[Shidoshi]

She also told me to have more confidence in myself.

This is pretty much a deal breaker. In my opinion you don't have much of a chance, if any at all. Also, the fact that you're 20 and she's 26 doesn't help anything either. If a pretty girl thinks you lack confidence it's safe to assume you will not get anywhere with her.

[Rainy]

there is 6 years of a difference between me and my fiance, he is 19 and im 25,

 

She says u lack confidence, that doesnt mean that you will always lack confidence, i dont know if she finds you attractive but her saying she hopes its not your first and last outing, all i can say is try to find out if she is married and see how things go between you, get out more and meet new people do things to boost your confidence, things you may find scary and over come them, even ask her out for a coffee some time and just have a chat, it doesnt need to be anything heavy,

 

good luck

[Shidoshi]

even ask her out for a coffee some time and just have a chat, it doesnt need to be anything heavy

If you don't mind risking rejection go ahead and ask her out, but after reading your post I can guarantee you that it probably isn't going to work out. A 25 y/o girl who tells you(a 20 y/o) that you lack confidence isn't going to go out you in a romantic way.

I hope this is not the first and last outing.

Don't read too much into this. You went out as a group, and nothing she said was directed at you specifically. I'm not trying to hurt your feelings or anything but you just need to hangout and chat with her more before you decide to ask her out, because so far things don't seem to be in your favor.

[guo84]

Hi to all..

 

First I would like to thank for u all whom have

reply to my message.

 

Her looks is normal. Not that pretty ba. I am attracted

by her personality.

 

I hope this is not the first and last outing.

This sentence was what I say to myself.

 

Also I am quite a quiet person and I am

not a really good talker.

 

I think the reason I got a crush is that

the small little things that she did for me

makes me feel touched.

 

Have confidence in yourself.

I would like to explain this sentence.

After I told her about database project,

i told her that my project is not that fantastic

den still have do a presentation. After I have said this

den she say confidence in urself.

 

Cos we are in the same dept, means we still can see each

other. Den after I presented, she look at me and I also

look at her for a second. something like hinting my presentation

was over and I did not bad.

 

Should I ask her close friend for her status?

 

Maybe I should really forget her.

[I_love_rain_hugs_and_you]

I have also liked some girls who are several years old than me, and there is nothing wrong with that. Just be her friend!!!

[asdf]

Her name is A.

 

Her name is A? That's a funny name!

 

 

In my experience with older girls (all of the girls I've gone out with except for one have been older than me) it's best if at first a girl doesn't know how old you are. She will then judge your maturity by how you act, and your age won't be as much of a defining factor. For all the girls I've been out with, I made sure to tell them my age after they were very into me, so it didn't matter as much, and if you don't make a big deal out of it, they won't care so much.

 

Having said that, at your age, 6 years can be a big difference if the woman's older. Mostly, she'd probably prefer a guy with loads more money, etc. Like you said she has a car. I'm not trying to imply that girls are superficial about these things, but it just happens to be the norm. I've hooked up with one girl who was 7 years older than me once, and I would say that in most situations, a girl who goes after a guy that much younger than her is not looking for anything serious at all. A toyboy at most.

 

From what you said, she seems to like you as a friend, but there's nothing there saying whether or not she's attracted to you. The fact that she notices you staring at her, and asks you directly about it may or may not indicate her interest. Usually a girl will know why a guy would stare at her, and not need to ask. Should probably wait for girls to post their opinions.

 

Anyway, in any case, there's nothing serious right now, so why not ask her out for a cup of coffee or just something light for the two of you to get to know each other better.

 

Best of luck.

[guo84]

Hi to all.

 

Guess you all know what my feelings are now.

 

last friday I called her friend to ask about her

status den she say, ya, she has a boyfriend.

 

I was like.. forgot liao..depressed for that moment.

Why I wanted that answer? And I dun want to hurt

myself. I know it is hard. Last time when I treat her

as a colleague I think it was better. Now the friendship

I think not even friendship.. colleague has gone down

until very low.

 

Anyway Now I am trying to taking it easy.

It is going to be quite a tough process.

 

The word seems easy and I am not even

maintaining the friendship at ALL..

 

haha..

 

I know u all will say I sucks.

Really.. sit together also never

talk... lame hor. I mean I never

even talk to her. I also dunno

what's wrong man.

 

Anyway it will take me sometime to be normal again.

At least I have got the answer.

[smallworld]

Why I wanted that answer? And I dun want to hurt

myself. I know it is hard.

 

*Hugs* Guo. Be proud of yourself for having the courage to find out the truth. 8) It's not the answer you wanted, but it's the answer you needed to hear. No need to feel humiliated. Most girls are used to guys hitting on them, so I'm sure she understands. Just be casual the next month and treat her like any other co-worker. Don't seek her out. Let your feelings die down.

 

The pain of unrequited love comes from focusing on what you don't have. Don't think or fantasize about her any more. Put a rubber band on your wrist and snap it whenever she pops into your mind. Spoil yourself! Go girl watching. Eat icecream. Play video games. Whatever it takes to keep your mind busy thinking about something else.

 

Maybe someday you can try to keep this colleague as a friend. She obviously admires your talents and cares about you, and her advice could be invaluable to you someday when you do meet the right girl.

[guo84]

hi to all.

 

Now got talk talk to her.. but it is like

as a colleague. bit by bit lo...

 

This friday heard that they got a outing

also not asking me along..

 

I also duNNo why leh..

 

Anyway thanks a million that you

all have reply.

 

I hope I can treat her as a colleague

like any other people.

 

My last day is on 31 this month.

 

Hope I still can keep in contact

with them(including her) after

I quit but I think

it is almost impossible..

 

The reason is I still want this friend.

 

Does she still want me as a friend?

I mean after I quit, will she contact me?

or forget it?

[guo84]

Helloz..

 

last few months I know her from a stranger to a friend. 2 weeks later

I will be leaving this place for my national service(NS).

 

Then the way she care for people and her body langauge

makes me think the wrong idea.

 

So now I just have to accept the fact she is attached.

 

And she really give me some good memories that she have given me.

Feel like telling her 'thanks for the memories that u have given me' but dunno how to say.

 

And also sometime the way she look at me also makes me think of the wrong things. Maybe that is the way she look at people.

 

And when I say she treat me well, maybe actually it is very normal de.

 

i give 1 example:

This one quite long already. like cos we went out for lunch, den I was taking the front seat... I was having a bit of running nose.. den she just lower the air con... .. I know it is normal..

 

I think I ought to learn how to control my emotions.

 

Will she keep me in contact as a friend after I leave?