I Miss my first girlfriend so much.... :(

[g_unit6815]

Hello All. Ok heres the story. i screwed up so bad in my first relationship of nearly 4 years ago (4 years in november) it lasted 5 months. I went over to a friends house to help him fix his truck and i never seen him since atleast a year ago if not more, i graduated from highschool in 2004. but i had to drive by the house where ive had the best times of my life where my ex girl used to live and on the way out to ryans place i started feeling down and started to have flashbacks that ive never ever had since the first week after breakup. i started to realize why we broke up and what triggered it all. i remember it was oct 31/01 at approx 11:45pm the telephone conversation we had was going not too bad and all of a sudden i just lost interest in her and i asked her Ashley, do you still want to go out? she said yes i want this to last forever and ever i love you steve why do you ask? then i said i dont think its going to work and said no without giving her a reason. i made her cry and i felt great. but i feel now i am starting the greving stage. im currently in a relationship with my highschool sweetheart going on 2 years but now after this flashback(s) ive been having i just cant stop thinking of my first girlfriend when i was 14 years of age. we broke up at 15 and im now 18. it was so hard to have fun with living about half an hour apart not having a car or a drivers license to visit eachother but we managed to see eachother atleast 2 times a week outside of school if not more some weeks because my parents and her parents realized we are in love so much they took time out of their evenings where they work so hard to drive me out there or her parents drive her out here. or id take the school bus out to her place after school stay the night we would take the bus together to school. it was great. once highschool came it started to tention up between us. i would ignore her all the time because i had a fear. that fear was getting bugged and teased which did happen. just a small group of people asked me why i was dating such a greasy ugly useless no good for nothing person? then i said its none of your business we are in love what's it to you. after a few days of getting bugged i just couldnt take it anymore i am madly in love but i dont want to get teased because i am afraid of getting so mad that i got in trouble in a fight or whatever and got kicked out of school. then she was cool with not talking or anything for about a week or two. with her having a rough time at home with her step father being abuseive mentally and all her friends losing interest i just had to top it all off with leaving her alone during lunch hours at school. i was making it look like we wernt even dating at all it didnt bother me at the time but now it is starting to bother me when i read the notes she wrote me. i just started reading them about 2 days ago and ive felt terriable since. she got on with her life dating another guy and that lasted about 6 months or so then she got a job where i work and dated my boss there so i was so happy for her and shes still with him today. i dug out the notes and letters she wrote me and i screwed up hardcore. during the last year of jr high i asked her out in a email she said yes that was the best day of my life this was nearing the end of grade 9 we she said yes and were doing so great until about half way through the first september of 2001 when we all moved from grade 9 to grade 10 at a new bigger school. the school i went to before from k-9 was just a small school where i wasn't afraid of anying teasing us. we are still friends and all but if i could turn back the clock i would i dont think i will ever get over this. now im with lisa shes a nice girl and all but not the same as my first relationship ever. i been talkin to ash about what happened and she said that we are two very different people and needed to get on with our lives instead of me being in fear of getting teased and her in the fear of wondering whether or not i love and care for her anymore. the 3 years of highschool went by so fast it wasnt even funny i think i could have made it work she was doing more then enough on her side to make it work but i just ignored her laughed at jokes people made about her trying to impress my peers when i should have been like stfu and we walked away. the flashbacks are getting worse as i think of our relationship more and more each day and wonder why i was so dumb. im falling in love with her again and i dont want to tell her because she is happily in a new relationship and i am in a relationship but i am losing interest because of these flashbacks and i just want to get back together with my first girl. its not that i love my girl now i do but i am feeling turned off because she always wants sex and i do not want to have sex everyday and such and such. can i please get some advice on perhaps talking to my ex and maybe getting back together if there is any chance or none at all??? im in desperate need of help.

 

Thank You All So Much

 

Steve

[electric_blue_lightening]

Hiya, I have just read ur post, and im going to give you my honest opinion. you realise you made a mistake in the past, but you are what 18? you have years and years ahead of you! forget about her, in that way, your mates fair do's, but thats it. im sure if you think deep down, you may feel like you pinning for your 1st love, and of course it was special, no matter how bad things end or go, your 1st love always stays in your mind and is an important point in the history of you! what makes you you etc. But it is only because she was the 1st girl who meant something to you that you want her back again because you have history, no matter how long ago or for what time period you do. 14 is quite a young age to say yo uare in love, and to me i find it to early, but im not gonna say impossible because some people are lucky enought to find sum1 that young in their life.

I unerstand how you may compare things your 1st love said and did to those of your current love, but come on, you say you love your current love, so 4get about that other girl, in time these flashbacks will go. you will realise you were daft for thinking you wanted her back. you will prob always have some sort of feelings for her. but you have a new life now. a new girl. and you need to make sure you give her attnetion and not end up doing the same thing as you did with the 1st girl or it could all end up being one bin roundabout!

remember "dont cry because its over, smile because it happened"

Dont live for the past, live for the future,

hope my opinion has helped you!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

[Elfdrinkingtea]

Yup you had made a mistake. Made her cry and all. You are feeling guilty about it, but here this" you cant change what had been done.

 

Like Electric Blue lighting said "your 1st love always stays in your mind and is an important point in the history of you! ". I never forget my first love, I thought about her quiet a long time after we broke up. Dont try to forget about her cuz you cant.

 

Move on.

[CarrieB123]

such a greasy ugly useless no good for nothing person?

 

LOL, Sorry but seriously I laughed out loud, did people really say this to you and if so why?

 

Also, do you think its possible that you just like her now because you see her with your boss, and that makes you a bit jealous?

[g_unit6815]

yeah they did say that and well he quit awhile back almost a year im not really jelous im happy for her actually we both are moving on in life but will always remain friends. is this even normal what i am going through?? even if its years after??

[CarrieB123]

I would say its normal, from time to time I think about my h/s "sweetheart" I even have had sex dreams with him, and I see him every once in a while, more times than not, I thank the heaves that we didnt last, but sometimes I think "what if"...

 

So yes its normal, espically with all the guilt you have.

[g_unit6815]

you guys are awesome i was talkin to a guy i work with brian her ex they dated after we broke up and we were talkin hes like yah just forget it man i know what ur feeling i went through it too man so forget it lets go outside and have a coffee break and talk about other stuff to get our minds off it and it worked. because of her brian and i hated eachother because of that one girl but now we couldnt be any more of good friends thanks again all i dont get emotional when i think about the relationship anymore or anything. i spent time with my gf today and that also helps. Thank You All SOOOO very Much, you are all great people on here to help me with my problem that i think is nearly cured.