Why cant I Move on???

[simon_uk]

Why cant I move on! Why are all my thoughts and dreams focussedon the x? I have tried everything to get over it and just keep busy. I have spent lots of time with friends, time for myself, etc but all I do is think about her and what she is thinking. i cant stop thinking about all the things she said to me and I am forever trying to think of ways to win her back, I know I cant win her back if she doesnt want to come back but why wont it STOP!

[hockeyboy]

I have tried everything to get over it and just keep busy.

 

stop trying so hard. the harder you try sometimes, the less productive you'll be. if you try to hard to get her back, its never going to work and if you try to hard to just get over her right this minute, its not going to work. just keep keeping yourself busy and it will come with time. you'll gradually get better and better and then one day you'll just realize that you feel a lot better. it will sneak up on you though.

[varactor]

the first time my ex left me i had the same problem, i was so focused on what i had lost than what i had gained, which was a great experience with a great person, but not my future. the second time when she split i had realized that and i would repeat that too myself, remember, things happen for a reason, and somebody is out there, that will make you happier than you can imagine, so dont focus on what you have lost, but what you had gained. enjoy life, you only live once.

[simon_uk]

I wish I could but I am afraid I truly believed this woman loved me with all of her heart, she told me she did often enough!!!! either she was lying or it just went, just like that!!!!! fail to see why thing happen for a reason i am afraid, I dont see the reason for losing the most important perso in my life!

 

Thanks

[varactor]

love is tempremental and whimsical, it comes when it pleases and leaves without warning. all love experiences are benifical, except to the person who becomes decitful or cynical of its departure - nepolian hill

 

The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, not to worry about the future, or not to anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly.

 

Buddha

 

i know its hard now, i thought i was with the one who loved me with all her heart, and it ended, i lived with her for 4 years and it still fell apart. use this time to work on yourself, learn to be happy with yourself and dont depend on others for happiness. stick in there, time heals all wounds

[simon_uk]

thanks varactor I know I am not the only person feeling this way but I just feel absolutely lost without her and so confused! i know i have my faults and did things wrong but so did she. I just wouldnt have left her thats all. I never cheated, I never hurt her or abused her, i would never break her heart. Maybe my faults were much worse than any of those i dont know but she is gone and there is nothing I can do about it now

[varactor]

you should be proud of those qualities, and apply them in your next relationship, to be honest one of the most helpfull things i do , is date other women, meet new people. i dont have a lot of friends becasue i was in a realtionship so long, so i say hey, if u dont try you will never know. so i make sure i go out to meet new women atleast once a week. i dont date serious or commited yet, i just go out have fun get to know people, and if we kiss, we kiss. its all in good fun. at first it will feel weird like your cheating, becasue your like me, never cheated. but dont rush into anything serious. just go out and have fun, and what happens is you find the qualities you loved in your ex in many other people, and you will notice that there are better people out there, then one day we will meet our life partner. but like i said dont rush things. take it slow. meeting new women has helped me so much. i was very shy too, its a hard thing to overcome, but if you dont talk, you will never know how great of a person is out there

[Royltnxile]

Simon,

 

Sounds like the circumstances of your break up were alot like mine. Out of the blue and totally unexpected. I hope I helped you a little bit when I replied to your email the other day.

 

Does your ex have issues with herself? This could explain alot of it.

 

Don't beat yourself up and rest easy in the knowledge that you didnt do anything wrong and that there was nothing you could have done to prevent it, short of breaking up with her first.

 

I know how hard it is to put it out of your mind. I'm 2 months out of it myself and still see only her wherever I go and whatever I do. We have no contact at present. I'm dating, having fun with friends...etc...etc...my life is fun and interesting. I'm fun and interesting! I may have lost sight of that while I was with her because she is not so "fun and interesting" really. Get into yourself and focus on YOU and your situation. Maybe in time she will wake up and realize she's the one who is missing out.

 

Time heals all wounds, time is the key to putting it past you.

 

These guys are right Simon, believe what they say, and if you want to preserve any chance at all for a romantic reconcilliation down the road with your ex, DONT chase her and DONT be her "friend". Give her the gift of missing her and withdraw from her life, which is what she wanted right? So give her what she wants. She might not like that for too long.

[simon_uk]

Hi Mate

 

Thanks a lot for your reply it really means a lot so thanks again. Yes my ex does have issues, a lot of issues, She has a drink problem for one, she is on anti depressants, she has one friend who is a complete biatch, she was my friend but I dont think she is anymore, she I think has had a major part in this breakup accusing me of giving my ex low self esteem when in actual fact she is the main cause of that. Her friend is also hanging around with a lot of unsavoury characters, namely gangstas. She has a sister who is schizophrenic and in the last year she has had herself and the ex arrested and the next time they seen each other her sister beat the crap out of the ex. On top of all of this she works in a seedy environment, the sex trade if you like but not providing sex. she also just left her husband prior to meeting me because he smothered her too much and was too giving. Finally she is quite estranged from her mum who kicked her out at 15. They are talking now but still not 100%. So yeah she does have a lot of issues. But, alas i love her!

 

Thanks for listening

 

Simon