Where do I go from here?

[BehindBrownEyes]

My ex broke up with me in november after three years together. We haven't spoken since december, and while some tell me that I am doing good because of this...I am really not. Over the past four and a half months I have done the following, but know that I shouldn't have: first, I wrote him a casual email asking him how he has been. No reply. Okay...then a few weeks after that I saw that he was online, which he rarely was, and saw that his profile said something about going back to the state where he went to school freshman year...I still don't know if that meant that he was leaving for good or just visiting. When I saw that I tried talking to him but he signed off right away. I didn't think we were on bad terms...only being apart from one another, but after that my mind just kept going.

Then after a few weeks of racking my brain over where he was and what was going on, I called and left a message on his phone---bad idea, i know. A month or so later and I still had not heard a thing from him. So....I wrote him a long email, pouring my heart out and asking him how he has been, where he is, telling him how much I feel in the dark and how I don't understand why I am being shut out. I was only half expecting a reply I guess. I didn't get one.

I just cannot understand how someone that loved and cared for you so deeply can turn their back to you in such a cold way. I don't even know where he is...we go to different schools and we don't share any mutual friends anymore. I still love him. and miss him a lot. I have felt more alone than ever and after more than four months nothing has changed...I still cry. I am not interested in other guys. I just feel like I have been waiting for something...I feel so incomplete. Last week I was studying for an exam and for some reason started thinking about him, which annoyed me greatly because I was trying to study. So I figured I would write an email venting "to him" without sending it. Well I sent it. I figured it makes no difference anyway. I don't know how to change the state my life has fallen into. I hate it. I have to write this post venting, otherwise I know I would be writing him. I think, oh maybe he didn't get the emails and have thought of text messaging him to ask if he has. I know this is futile. Much like all this worrying and being sad is. It sucks!

I don't know what I want or what to do? Any advice is much appreciated.

[kt]

Well, that is a very cold and harsh way for him to break it off, and after 3 years no less. Obviously the guy isn't worth a donkey's behind.

 

Well my advice to you is something that you already know, leave it alone. He obviously does not want any further contact for whatever reason. Let it be at that. I know it's hard becuase you feel you didn't get any closure, but just be thankful that you found out now rather then have invested more time in him.

 

I know this is the hardest period right now, but trust me, there are more men out there much better then your ex, and eventually you will find him. It may sound cliche but love finds you when your not looking for it. So stop looking, and start living. Make friends, go out, take up some hobbies and enjoy life. Mr. Right will come along and Mr. Wrong won't matter any more.

[asia604]

K@t is right, this guy isnt worth your time. I know exactly what you are going through, my ex cheated on me, it took me over 8 months to get over a 2 year relationship. I did the same thing, I phoned him, emailed him, etc. The first thing you have to do is tell yourself that you are too good for him. I know its hard, Take everything that reminds you of him and throw it in a box in the back of your closet. Delete his email address (and his emails, or put them in a hidden folder), delete his phone #. I had the same thoughts as you, wondering how someone that can love yo, be so cruel. Its not you, and its not him, its the situation and it wasnt meant to be. My advice is very similar to K@t's. Keep busy, focus in schoolwork, go out with friends, read, have fun. What helped me the most was the support from my friends and getting a gym membership. Try to go at least 3 times a week. It gets your mind off of things and you meet new people and it does make you feel better. My friend told me something that really stuck, guys are like a bus, they come every 5 minutes. Obviously this guy is not worth your time. I know this sounds harsh, but forget him and look after yourself, after all thats what really matters. I hope this helps, chin up, you will be fine. Trust me.

[BehindBrownEyes]

Thanks for the advice...in ways I feel like I have progressed in that I do realize that this is beneficial for me to figure myself out right now, to do what I truly want and feel is right. It seems like the lonliness strikes me usually late at night, when I am alone in my room and it seems to be on weekends too. I don't know if this has any relavance, but part of the reason my ex broke up with me was because he had personal issues that he needed to work out, figure out himself and his emotions and his depression. So now I wonder if maybe that's the reason why he has chosen to ignore my emails and everything, maybe he is seeing a therapist and they advised him not to contact me. Be as it may, I want him to get better and if that means without speaking to me then that's the way it is.

Yet, now I feel like I should go talk to someone because I hate feeling sad and lonely. And I do want to eventually speak to him in the future...it was my first love, but how does this come about? What if he doesn't even read the emails? Or never contacts me again....or say he does contact me years later...I just can't imagine how emotional that will be to see him again. I hate to think that it is going to take me a year+++ to finally move on from this and be okay with everything.