hitting rock bottom

[lonelyangel]

i don't knowhow to really explain my situation. i jus don't know where to begin....i'm very young and i have experienced an unimaginable amount of pain for my age. i'm an only child and i have very few friends the friends that i do have i find no solace in them. my story began about a year ago when i met a boy on the net, our conversation and the way we met were a mistake a mere coincidence of bein in the wrong place at the wrong time. from this online chat friend i developed a n attachment that i never had with anybody(i am a very shy and soft person it's very hard for me to adapt people especially cold hearted people).

 

i somehow or the other managed to fall inlove with this boy during the course of the year and he said he felt the sameway... however the beginning of this year brought abt alot of changes in his attitude. we began arguing alot and well i was under alot of pressure with my school work and being home and not havin anyone to talk toadded extra pressure on me... my only solace was in this boy. i decided that i wanted this boy to become a valid part of my life(not a secret anymore) so i told my parents abt him... they however reacted in the opposite of what i expected they forbade me to talk to him and disapproved of the friendship much less a relationship.i called him crying and telling him of what happened and he acted so coldly he said he now jus wanted to be friends and my attitude needed an adjusment and it was my fault cause i shouldn't have told my parents.that night i took 17 pain killers in an attempt to escape all the pain and rejection i received from everyone. however it didn't work and i was stil alive the next day. i got so sick and so scared and so insecure that i couldn't do any of my exams the folowing week.i took the spring break to recover however.. still keeping contact with my friend but his change is so much that it seems that anything i say or do aggrivates him..i'm now back at school however my seclusion from everyone continues i continuously cry and i feel a very huge void which i'm unable to fill ican't talk to anyone because i feel no one cares. i'm trying many trhings to occupy myself but i always end up in tears i'm afraid to tell my parents anything cause i know it'll make matters worst for me...

 

i'm now more lonely thani was a year ago. i feel dejected, unappreciated and scared.i feel that i'm too young to be going through these emotions and situations...i feel like theres no end to my depression and no one to help me.my life has always been a lonely one but after meeting him . he has changed that but i'm afriad to even tell him this. i don't know how to live now knowing that i maynever see this person that i've grown so attached to. i fear that hehas found a gf and i fear the most that I'M NOT GOOD ENOUH FOR ANYONE. i noe cringe at the thought of liking someone and i feel scared when a boy approaches me, i i find excuses not to talk to him . i'm evening avoiding my friends. i cry myself to sleep every night and i feel like sa stranger around everybody including my family.. things have changed since all of this occurred , relations that ihad b4 have changed and i feel like things will never go back tothe way it was b4 and i feel like i'll never regain my happiness. i'm only 17 years old and i feel like i don't belong anywhere and i feel alone. i pray every day and night but now my hope is fading that everything wil be alright.. i feel sickandweak all the time andi can't fuction at all.i feel like my soul is dead and its a scary feeling.. so please in a last attemt to save myself from total destruction please advise me please

[lonelyfriend]

Hey,

 

I'm a bit short on good feelings myself right now.

 

But I can tell you this. You will be happy one day, and you will find that someone special you are waiting for. These words won't seem to mean anything for you right now, but one day, you'll wake up and see the truth.

 

For what it is worth, I'm 23, and have just been dumped by my girlfriend of almost 6 years. And I was never popular when I was your age either. But she changed me completely.

 

Hopefully, when I've got over this a bit more, I'll be able to look back at the time we spent together and just be happy for it, rather than grieve, just as you will.

 

Best wishes!

 

David

[kt]

angel, you need to talk to your parents now. I don't know how old you are but that could have been a factor in them not wanting you to talk to the boy online. And he, as it sounds has moved on so there is no point in thinking about him any more, you need to focus on yourself. Besides that I am sure they have seen all the news reports of men posing as young boys trying to get to young girls like yourself. Don't be so hard on your parents they were only trying to protect you and do what they thought was best for you. You need to tell them exactly what you wrote here to us, show them the post if you must. You are in need of some professional help and your parents need to know that. If you are afraid your parents wont help talk to a school counsler or any other trusted adult. You sound very bright and articulate and i am sure with the right help you can overcome your problems and fears. Dont give up.

[Kaia]

Hey lonelyangel,

 

Reading your post, it reminds me of how I felt a few years ago. I'm very quiet and have few friends, and I could never confide in them because I feel awkward having people listening to my problems. I felt I'd be bothering them if I do. I started chatting a lot online and met a guy on the net when I was 16 whom I eventually grew attached to. I fell in love with him and eventually told my parents about it because he planned to visit me. Their reaction was not pretty.

 

But looking back now, I know they were just worried about me. They thought I was too involved to see the dangers of the internet. They wanted me to be more outgoing and be more "normal" in terms of having a relationship with someone that I can see regularly. lonelyangel, they might not understand, but you know they love you no matter what. Also, don't be embarrassed to tell your friends. It took me a long while to do that and sometimes I'm still not comfortable talking about it. But it's extremely nice to have someone who knows bits and pieces of the story and still don't think you're a freak for it. (that was my fear )

 

As for your parents, I agree with the others, maybe you should show them what you've written here. It took me a second incident and 4 years later before I really told them how I felt.. in writing. They'll come around.

 

I really don't know what else to say. I remember the crying and the void all too well. But you're much braver than I was because you've posted here. It might be hard to see now, but things will get better, if only you will let other people see a peek of what you've shown us here.

[lonelyangel]

i'm trying toobut i have no emotional support and they already put their foot down with this matter.... and i can't confide in my friends cause they won't understand and quite frankly i find them2 b 2 judgemental so can u now see what i mean by the name "lonelyangel".