Courtney123abc Posted February 16, 2017 Share Posted February 16, 2017 Hello guys, I am new to this site. I have been in my relationship now for 10years. A lot has happened like in most relationships, but it just seem like the pass year it's so difficult to get alone. Here is abit about our relationship, I have suffered with really bad aniexty in the pass. It had put me out of work for a long time, which he was understanding about that but I wouldn't say he did a lot to help me overcome it. Then I started antidepressants put on 4 stone aswell as having a underactive thyroid which doesn't help. I make him right I don't look nice. A lot of it is to do with mental health side I find it hard to get motatived and get busy with my work. So obviously this is making him Angry and annoyed. Which I do understand, he goes on at me all the time and isn't supportive in anyway. Always saying how fat I look and how everyone is saying how lazy I am and that his embrassed to be seen with me and he doesn't find me attractive anymore. I know what I need to do is work more and lose weight but I feel in such a rut and I want to comfort eat. He is no angel I have to do everything for him and if I don't he gets annoyed and I can't even have conversation with him anymore he is just not intrested in my life etc. He wants to argue with me all time say how I am and fat and I have no life. Which is true but I do think it down to my aniexty. I feel like I haven't got support from him, even though if it was other way around I be there for him. I'm not expecting him to be there all the time just a little postivity but before I start or do anything he thinks I failed already. When he argues with me I don't argue back because I know what he is saying is right but it's the way he goes about things that doesn't help. Basically he does what he wants and never helps me with anything if I'm putting a shelf up or diy around the house he just sit there if anything he would have ago at me. I am not lazy when it comes to stuff around the house and helping other people I am alway there for anyone. I do think the root to our problems is my weight and my work but I wouldn't dare say some of the things to him that he says to me. I just feel lonely in this relationship sometimes. Any advice would be great thank you in advance. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted February 16, 2017 Share Posted February 16, 2017 Does he support you financially? It sounds like he's emotionally abusive. Was he always this nasty to you?Always saying how fat I look and how everyone is saying how lazy I am and that his embrassed to be seen with me and he doesn't find me attractive anymore. Basically he does what he wants and never helps me with anything if I'm putting a shelf up or diy around the house he just sit. Link to comment
Courtney123abc Posted February 16, 2017 Author Share Posted February 16, 2017 No not always nasty, only since weight gain. The housing accommodation we are at Atm he pays more of the bills but I do pay for some But compared to my wage it's probalay fair but not fair as i need to get busier with work but I do pay for my car and phone and my own stuff. I think he can be emotionally abusive but he says that only way I'll listen. After couple hours after he says horrible things he does apologise and says how much he does love me but is unhappy with our situation. What do you think? Any advice good or bad would be great Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted February 16, 2017 Share Posted February 16, 2017 Get a job and become more financially stable and independent. Link to comment
Courtney123abc Posted February 16, 2017 Author Share Posted February 16, 2017 I agree I just seen very depressed some days I wake up and think I am going to do it and then by next day I am so down. Link to comment
mopo Posted February 16, 2017 Share Posted February 16, 2017 Before you lose everything, wake up tomorrow and do it differently. Start with a light workout, I like the pilates videos on youtubes on days i'm mentally drained. It helps kick start me. I run a business from home so I know all to well how easy it is to slack, and then once you do- to just not know where to pick up. But pick up because that is the only way it changes. No medicine and no forum will do it. Your man will not be happy again w relationship until you are happy w yourself, at least- that's what I've read in the mars venus books. you'll have to forgive him for not loving you as much right now, that just is what it is. But know that you can get it back, 10 years is nothing to scoff at, you could have many more great years- but you'll have to wake up tomorrow with a new attitude. I have been seriously depressed and I used SSRIs for a couple of months to break my train of thought and create more healthy habits, but it doesn't happen overnight. You must expect yourself to make slow progress... you'll slip back one day... and then you get up the next and start over. Your man will not only love you more, but admire your strength. At least that's how I see it... however, I've never made it to 10yrs in a relationship- not sure I'm the best source on that. I do know I went so far down that hole I made an attempt on my life, lost the man I had at the time.. and about lost everything else too. Looking back, damn... all I had to do was appreciate what I had. Link to comment
Courtney123abc Posted February 16, 2017 Author Share Posted February 16, 2017 Thank you so much for you reply really appreciate it, mental health is very hard but we have to train our minds everyday. Sorry to hear you felt like that but it's amazing How you've picked your life back up just shows me I can too. Thank you for your advice I will do a light exercise in morning and keep going x Link to comment
spinderella Posted February 16, 2017 Share Posted February 16, 2017 10 years or not I wouldn't stay with someone who called me fat and said he was embarrassed to be seen with me. I would be embarrassed to be seen with such a person - I'm sure others are aware that he's so ugly to you. There is no way the "root of your problems" is your weight. He may not be thrilled with your weight gain, but that's not what turned him into a bully. He's probably always been one. Link to comment
mopo Posted February 16, 2017 Share Posted February 16, 2017 You to, will look back one day and be amazed. I promise. It will all be okay. Link to comment
Courtney123abc Posted February 17, 2017 Author Share Posted February 17, 2017 Te thinis he meet me when I was really slim and looking good now I look like different person and he says it isn't fair, which I do Agree with I just think I have underlining issues. I understand what your saying and agree with you. But he says them things because his very black and white and his father and him are very similar in that way. I do find that unattractive in him though and can't understand why he had to get so nasty but I think it's for a reaction and he says nothing's changing. It's hard because I comfort eat and it annoys him and I hide food from him now. I just feel like I'm getting myself in deep hole. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 What you need is help with this, not for this jerk, for yourself and your health and self esteem It's turned into unhealthy compulsive eating. Join a clinic based or commercial eating support group and some activity classes even yoga or a walking club. Get therapy to learn better coping skills. Stop making excuses and turning it into a power struggle about your food/weight where your mental and physical health are the battle ground. Start to help yourself: Compulsive overeating and how to stopT It's hard because I comfort eat and it annoys him and I hide food from him now. I just feel like I'm getting myself in deep hole. Link to comment
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