I really need advice on this relationship

[Doggone]

Hi,

I'm just lookig for some opinions on this because i'm so confused. I had been dating this amazing girl for almost two years. We were so close and we were so in love, I knew it was there. I went away to university and our love got really strong because we couldn't see each other. So eventuallly when I finally came home we spent so much time together. WE did lots of stuff and had so much fun. It was going great. After a while we didn't do much sutff but just hang out with each other and we bickered a little but not alot. I knew we were spending to much time together and was about to say somthing. But then one day she just decided she wanted to break up with me. I couldn't understand this because for the entire week and way before that she would tell me how much she loved me and tell me how much she needed me and could never live without me.... but now she says she feels bored and has lost the spark. I agreed and let her go, have her space. But now she is being very rude whenever I talk to her. She's very mean and acts as if she's busy all the time or has more important things to do. What happened to the sweet girl I was in love with? And how does she tell me how much she loves me one day and break up with me the next?? Also what approach should I take with dealing with her, I want her back because I know she still cares. Somtimes she wants to hang out and talk on the phone and stuff. But I don't know if I should give her that...??

[Shy_Guy]

One of the most diffucult aspects of growing up is when you and the one you love grow in two different directions. Going away to university has opened up a whole new world to you, and has given you a very different view on life. The changes may have been so gradual that you may not have even noticed, but certainly you (and she) are no longer the same two people as you were a few years ago.

 

While I do believe it IS possible to successfully rekindle what you once had, to do so will require on BOTH your parts that you're not quite the same, and your relationship isn't quite the same as it once was, and that you'll need to work extra hard to explore, win each other over, and move forward.

 

There's an old old saying 'You can never go home again'. What I think is really meant by that is that because both you and she are no longer the same people (by experiences if nothing else) as you once were, it's impossible to resume the relationship as the relationship once was. You can build something new and beautiful and enduring together, but you need to stop lamenting about the past, and start over again. You need to do the hard work.

 

It's worth it in the end, but a difficult road to navigate.

 

Good Luck.

[Doggone]

Thanks shy guy....it makes sense

Is there any girls who have an opinion on what happened?

I also have no idea how to approach the topic of re bulilding with her, because she just freaks out and won't take me seriously.

[bzborow1]

I know what you're going through, and I know how tough (and weird) it is to see someone who says they love you turn their back on you. The bottom line, i've found, is that right now actions speak louder than words. You will most likely not get the real truth from her. I suggest you take a little time away, but don't tell her you are...for all intensive purposes, just be "busy".

 

After some time has cooled off, then go back and ask her to do stuff with you and go from there.

[punkrockmachine]

althougth i do not have a reply for this sad story of yours i would like to wish you luck in whatever decision you kae becasue your case looks like a hard one...

[Doggone]

It's just hard for me to not call her and tell her how I feel because it's what we've always done right up to the day she broke it off. I'm confused as hell.

[Justaguy21]

I'm the exact same position you are in my friend. My girlfriend of three years broke up with me recently and the week before she was bringing up marraige, like usual and other future plans. She didn't seem sad or nothing. I was confused and she said is confused needs to find herself. I think it's because she is in a new environment now and is meeting new people and experiencing new things and she dosnt know what she wants and who she wants. It's B.S. I know but I know she still loves me very much as I think yours do as well. My ex is coming home next week and I'm going to ask her out to lunch and be her friend and try to rekindle things. I'm working out all the time, working a lot, and get tanned so that when my ex sees me shes not going to think I'm just this pathetic man who just put his life on shut down for her because I'm telling you, there is nothing more attractive to a women to see the man she broke up with 10 times better looking and more confident. Either way she will be like "wow" so goodluck with everything and I'm sure everything will work out for you.

-justaguy

[me33]

It is her loss. if she acts like that and is so immature than obviously you can do better. dont worry about her and if you are able to get over her do so. if i were you , id move on and drop her. there are so many other people in this world and eventually you will find one that you will learn to love again just as much as you loved her. your love will be real this time!