Confused

[cortneys11]

Saw the boyfriend yesterday. He came over after work... Didn't take any of his stuff to his mom's but raided the kitchen for bags worth of food. We actually talked without me crying this time and he kept talking about some of the drama over at his mom's and I just said this is ridiculous come home and we will work it out. His reply was he's still thinking and wants to go to a counseling session (we made an appointment for Tuesday morning) for "tips" before he makes any decisions. He didn't say what kind of tips he wants but I'm confused because we could've gotten in the fight and made a counseling appointment to resolve the issue without him going off to his mom's house for a week or his mom even getting involved. Now if he does come back she's going to be all over our business just waiting for another problem to come up cause its her dream to have all her kids and their families living in her house. Of course she just hates me so she just wants him over there for good.

[kbbcoop77]

I wouldn't count on him making that counseling session

[cortneys11]

Seahawks picture icon. Are you from the Seattle area too?

[Elektra22]

Counseling is a good step, but what you really need to put work and focus on right now is you. Don't put all your hopes and dreams on him, because he's not showing himself as a reliable partner that is willing to commit to you at this point. Love yourself, and do things that will build up your self esteem and make you stronger. Stop pleading with him and set boundaries so he can stop jerking you around like this. Clearly, he's a momma's boy. You need a man that will put you first and not run back home when things get too difficult. I wish you the best and hope you find the happiness you deserve.

[kbbcoop77]

Seahawks picture icon. Are you from the Seattle area too?

 

Born and raised lol!

[LD1990]

Hi cortneys11, I was in a similar situation with my ex-girlfriend. She moved back in with her mom, gave me false hope, and said she needed time and space. Here's one thing that helped me cut through all her BS - actions speak louder than words. She'd come over, tell me about how she "still wants a life with me" and "we'll be together no matter what," but each time she came over, she also took more of her stuff with her. Your ex does the same from the sounds of it - gives you hope, but he's really coming to get stuff. Trust me on this, overly attached parents are bad news. They weaken your relationship, stick their noses into your business, and your partner never grows up. If your ex's reaction to relationship issues is running home to mommy, he's not mature enough for a serious relationship. Give counseling a shot if you really want, but if it doesn't turn around soon you should probably just go NC with him. Otherwise, he's just gonna keep you around for emotional support whenever it's convenient without committing.

[cortneys11]

Hi cortneys11, I was in a similar situation with my ex-girlfriend. She moved back in with her mom, gave me false hope, and said she needed time and space. Here's one thing that helped me cut through all her BS - actions speak louder than words. She'd come over, tell me about how she "still wants a life with me" and "we'll be together no matter what," but each time she came over, she also took more of her stuff with her. Your ex does the same from the sounds of it - gives you hope, but he's really coming to get stuff. Trust me on this, overly attached parents are bad news. They weaken your relationship, stick their noses into your business, and your partner never grows up. If your ex's reaction to relationship issues is running home to mommy, he's not mature enough for a serious relationship. Give counseling a shot if you really want, but if it doesn't turn around soon you should probably just go NC with him. Otherwise, he's just gonna keep you around for emotional support whenever it's convenient without committing.

 

I know his mom is overly attached.. We were in couples counseling before and 90% of the conversation always turned out to be about her. All of her kids are in their 30s and she's happy as a clam having them all live under one roof and everyone has jobs but she pays the bills. Ever since her son moved in with me nine years ago it's been her mission to get him back over there. Last summer we got in a big enough fight where he went over there for 21 days... He decided to come back here if we went to counseling and ever since his mom hasn't talked to me. Fast forward to Wednesday before last stress and whatever had been building up.. I blew up at him then messed up and posted about him on Facebook and really screwed up and tagged him in it to make sure he saw it cause I was pissed not thinking that because he was tagged his mom would see it too. Well his mom shows up here out of nowhere and he goes with her. Ever since he has said he voided his name on our lease, and is coming to get his stuff but he hasn't and the two times he has been over he says he is thinking or that we need a counseling appointment. It's confusing because if all we needed was a counseling appointment to resolve our fight we could have done so without his mom getting involved.. But the more I think about it.. If what he needed was time over there to realize that no matter how bad my temper is it is better over here than fine. I have since deleted my Facebook and since most of the people from there know they can text or call me I don't plan on going back on there. I have also put other things in motion so that if he does go to our appointment on Tuesday and the counselor says give it another try our stress level will be reduced. Two fights in an 11.5 year relationship where he goes back to his mom's is not that bad, the fact the fights were 8 months apart is bad but again if I hadn't tagged him on a fb post his mom never would have seen it or showed up here and we would probably been over it by now. People have problems and can break up whenever they want but personally if I stay with counseling and keep my temper in check the only reason I'd break up with him is if he cheated (he never has) or if he was abusing me in some way (he never has) so I'm not giving up hope that we can work this out.