Does she love me + should I carry on?

[Dbrighton2016]

We've been on and off for years, she's seen someone, so have I. Sh*t's happened but as far as I'm concerned, it's in the past and we just need to agree to move on and start fresh together. I have told her I love her in no uncertain terms. She says she is scared of getting hurt but insists she does eventually want to be with me. Thing is, she says she doesn't want to force things, let it be natural etc but she just shows me absolutely no sign that she cares physically, no meaningful hugs, no kiss on the cheek, no actual affection or indication that things will change between us ever in the near future. What do I do? It's making me so sad and it just feels completely one way and I can't see how the opportunity for the situation to change will ever come about when she never does anything to let it change. Please advise! We're in our 30s by the way. Just now she left my place and I had to ask her for a kiss on the cheek . I shouldn't have to if she has any feelings towards me at all.

[FlashEng1]

We've been on and off for years, she's seen someone, so have I. Sh*t's happened but as far as I'm concerned, it's in the past and we just need to agree to move on and start fresh together. I have told her I love her in no uncertain terms. She says she is scared of getting hurt but insists she does eventually want to be with me. Thing is, she says she doesn't want to force things, let it be natural etc but she just shows me absolutely no sign that she cares physically, no meaningful hugs, no kiss on the cheek, no actual affection or indication that things will change between us ever in the near future. What do I do? It's making me so sad and it just feels completely one way and I can't see how the opportunity for the situation to change will ever come about when she never does anything to let it change. Please advise! We're in our 30s by the way. Just now she left my place and I had to ask her for a kiss on the cheek . I shouldn't have to if she has any feelings towards me at all.

 

Perhaps she's just not that person?? Perhaps she doesn't feel any of that with you on a root level [anymore]... Both seem to be the case to a point.. For if she was that type of affectionate person, and she's NOT with you, then she's lost a lot with you (over the course of the years) and it will take a lot more to get it back again over time... "WHATEVER IT MAY BE" that was lost inside.

 

Rather than analysing and thinking about HER and what we(you) can do to work things out, it may be time to think rationally and understand your situation, where it's been, and where it may be continuing to go despite any effort you do see yourself putting in, or have put in... It may be time to ask the bigger question.. especially if things haven't been fixed YEARS later..

 

Rather than focusing on changing to get HER to do something, why not change for your own sake? The sake of finding a woman who WILL do those affectionate things.. A woman who has none of the scars or wounds that the two of you have created together. The only way to truly start fresh, is to BE with someone completely fresh and new. Eventually you have to ask yourself why you're simply spinning your wheels with the same person and getting no where. At 30+, you're there. Habits have been set in, your emotions are what they are, and you're who you are. If things haven't clicked yet... they probably won't, and you'll be spending the next X years doing the same thing.

 

Let go of trying to convince this one person that you love her, ON TOP OF getting her to prove and show you that she loves you, by doing what "YOU" imagine is proof of such love.. Rather.. let her go, and go find someone who will do that instinctively.

[Dbrighton2016]

Thanks for taking the time to reply in such a detailed and thoughtful way. I think you're right. Take care!