Ok to be freidns and want to try and get back together?

[Riles84]

Well me and my girlfriedn have been broken up for 2 weeks now. The reason she gaev me for dumping me was her feelings had changed but she still lvoes me as a friend and cares about me. I tried talking to her the firt few days after we broke up t try and work things out but i think she fealt pressured and it pushed her further away. SO i decided i would distance myself and take some time way from her. She has tried to contact me and weve talked a few times over the week after i told her i wanted a bit of distance to get over it. Today we finally talked for a bit .. and it was a really general conversation. However the last 2 times we've talked, shes been asking a lot of questions about me, like what ive been doing, and wha ive been upto. My question hereis, is it ok to tr and hangout with her as freidns with intentions of trying to get her back? Cause I know she'll hangout wiht me .. and I wanna show her that problems we've had in the past I have realized and have learnt form my mistakes. What do you gusy think?

[daredevil]

its good to see that you have to keep her as friend, on the other hand u need too keep busy, so she can imagine how it is to live without you, and if she feels she is missing something, then she will comem acbk... my point: don't be too avaiable to her, she has to face she is missing out on something great, if she doesn't then bee there as a friend...

[Riles84]

should next time i talk to her .. tell her to gimem a call sometime if she wants to hangout? or ask her if shed wanna hangout sometime and if she says yes .. ill tell her ill call her sometime?

[MetallicAguy]

Yeah, that's a good idea Riles, but remember to use what's in this article: link removed . If you want to reel her in and make her feel that attraction for you that you have for her definetely follow those instructions.

[Riles84]

I dont want to play games though

[MetallicAguy]

But it's not "playing games" it's the key to attracting women and getting back together with her. It only seems like it. Just go with it man, you'll thank me later.

[Riles84]

I read it but its kidna confusing . .u seem to understand it can ya gimme the gist of it

[MetallicAguy]

Ok so, basically you can say something nice about her then take it back and say something that would seem insulting. I don't know it's hard for me to explain. I'll have to find another article on how to do it. Hold on a sec.

[MetallicAguy]

Oh ok got it, so if you guys are holding hands you can put your hand out there like you want it to be held then pull it away like a joke (Don't smile lol) then be like "No holding hands" which is a perfect example. Or for another if she wants to make out pull away at the last second and say "I'm not in the mood". Then later you can just surprise her and make out. It's actually a really simple method. If you want a great example watch Hitch, in the beginning when he's playing pool with some guy.

[Riles84]

ya but im tryna get a girl who dumped me back

[Riles84]

So how should I go about getting her on a friendly date?

and how should I go about atracting her back to me?

[Riles84]

Also i knwo stuff like that works .. cause on our very first date instead of making out with her I just gave her a kiss on teh cheek and she alwasy tlaked abnout how thats how she basically fell for me .. But how do I get us into those situations where something could spark again?

[MetallicAguy]

Here's an article I copied and pasted. Article(WARNING: Pretty Long):

 

One thing that is critical for developing attraction with a woman that will lead to your eventual seduction success is learning how to build and nurture the sexual tension between you.

 

Remember that when you first begin to interact with a woman, unless she already has a strong initial attraction for you - sometimes known as "chemistry", you are in a neutral zone with her. This is a place where she has yet to make up her mind as to whether you are interesting to her or not.

 

Now, you can choose to sift through dozens and dozens of women looking for the few that you have that instant "chemistry" with, but I find it much more practical to stimulate the woman's attraction so that she has that chemistry right away, and then *I* can choose whether or not to act on my own attraction. It's like getting a pre-approved loan and knowing you COULD go out and buy that new Porsche, but it's YOUR choice.

 

This, guys, is what seduction is all about. Having your own choice as to whether a woman interests YOU or not, not the other way around.

 

Back to the Neutral Zone (and I'm not talking about that Star Trek term, either...)

 

In order to get that tension going - a necessary tension - you need to zap her out of her neutral funk and get her into feeling EXCITEMENT. There are many ways to do this:

 

1. Teasing - You find little areas of insecurity, and you play with them a little. This isn't to belittle her or make her feel bad about herself, but to demonstrate your own confidence and security by showing that you're aware of your own dominance as a man, and that you do not fear her. Teasing also lowers her guard a little so that you can reach that "real" part of her personality that she is cloaking with defensive behavior. (Sometimes called "tease to please")

 

2. Humor - Humor takes the edge off your teasing. Women are dying to laugh. There are so many guys out there that have ZERO humor to them. They take everything too seriously, including women, which - honestly - creeps them out. Compare: A man with humor enjoys life, is relaxed enough to find the fun in everything, and shows that he has a sense of inner calm. A man without humor is not relaxed, takes things way too seriously, and tends to smother and convey insecurity with his intense behavior.

 

3. Contradiction - An independent, secure guy can express his own opinion (and he MUST). You should make it a point to contradict her opinion from time to time to demonstrate that you do not need her approval. He doesn't do it to prove her wrong, but to state his own belief in clear terms. And this includes calling her on her bratty behavior, as well as taking control when the situation demands it. This may be the toughest behavior for most "nice guys" to adopt. And it will also sound radically contrary to what you've been brought up to believe by the media and your mom.

 

4. Detachment - Again, an independent, secure man does not NEED a woman (or other people, for that matter) for his approval. He can stand alone and separate of her opinion, and it doesn't ruffle his feathers if she doesn't like something he did or said. This means the ability to walk away, turn away, and otherwise disengage from a woman so that she understands he is not there to kiss her @ss. Another way to show this is to allow for long pauses between contacts with a woman. Don't email her right back. Don't call her right back. A few days could easily pass for a guy who is overwhelmed with women, so why shouldn't it be that way for you right now? Give her a chance to miss you. (Instead of wondering why you're so desperate that you leave five messages every day.)

 

These are just some of the ways you can heighten the level of sexual tension between you and a woman.

 

Now, there are some guys out there that are afraid of raising this tension. I suspect this is partly because this kind of tension feels uncomfortable to them. It can often border on making her angry which is something that most guys are afraid to do. After all, you want her to LIKE you, right? How will making her potentially DISlike you help?

 

Well, it's really about a push-pull effect. The idea is to induce a gentle tug-of-war with her that will get things started. When she thinks you're going to pull, you give her slack, which throws her off balance. And that's when you pull her back in. It's just like fishing: Give her a little "line," and see if she bites. When she does, you pull in a little. (Too much too quick and you yank the hook right back out.) Then you give her a little slack so she thinks she's free, and the hook digs in a little more. Then you give it a little tug to pull her back in.

 

Push-pull.

 

Reel her in, let her go.

 

The tension you are elevating has only one kind of outlet - sexual attraction. Sometimes it will even start out as anger and then morph into passion and lust.

 

(Remember the opposite of love isn't hate, it's apathy.)

 

You're better off with a woman that is pissed at you than one that has no feelings for you. Your knee-jerk reaction to her anger is to smooth out the problem, afraid that you've somehow lost her. When you don't NEED, you can't LOSE.

 

Again, passion very often starts out with a woman APPEARING to hate the man at first.

 

(Review how this happens in the first Indiana Jones movie, as well as the movie "The Breakfast Club," and especially the police station scene in "Ferris Bueller's Day Off." Yes, they are movies, but they accurately depict how this phenomenon works. And if you'll watch it closely, it may seem counter to what you might think, but at a gut level - it MAKES SENSE and feels right. This sort of thing happens all the time.)

 

Don't be afraid of that tension, guys. Feed off it and escalate it. This will make the difference between the guy that walks away with the sweet taste of woman on his lips... or the bland and disappointing taste of her "friendship."

[MetallicAguy]

Repeat it basically, do something like that like you did on your first date. Basically if she wants you to kiss her give her an alternative, which was excellent. I think this is the right way for me to say it but, it's like if she wants to do something you don't give it to her and you do it later when she least expects it. Basically it plays with her emotions and reveals an attraction to you.

[MetallicAguy]

Using the technique will get her attracted to you back, to get her on a friendly date is just like "Hey, I have no one to hang with today, you want to go see a movie..I'm really bored at my house I have nothing to do but study. I need a break."

[Riles84]

then hpw should i go about getting her out with me?

[MetallicAguy]

I just posted it in that example. Or if that's not it, explain more what you mean.

[Riles84]

i mean .. you say i dont wanan seem liek im doing nothing and asking her to come hangout .. casue it makes her think im bored and have nothing to do. So how should I ask her to come hangout wiht me?

[MetallicAguy]

Oh, umm you could say, "Well, I just got done studying for an exam and I have nothing else to do on my schedule today besides go out to dinner, so you feel like hanging out; going somewhere casual?". I guess that'd seem like you were doing something. It doesn't matter if you seem bored. You just can't seem like your whole life revolves around her.

[Riles84]

k so it wouldnt be bad if i phoned her to jsut ask her if she wants to hangout one night?

[MetallicAguy]

After you use push/pull and creating sexual tension. She might even pick up on it as a date, which would be pretty smart. Don't ask her out right now though, it won't work and you'll just end up getting an alternative excuse to no because she doesn't want to hurt your feelings.

[chai714]

Riles - it's too early to start the reconciliation process. You need to turn the tables and get her chasing you. When she asks questions about your life, be VAGUE, VAGUE, VAGUE. Let her wonder. This is good for her, but more importantly, it's a good strategy. You can't go from lovers to friends in a matter of a few weeks. I'm not sure the length or intensity of you guys' relationship, but you can't fool her just yet. Later on down the road, you can come accross as if you want nothing more than a friendship, but for now, be aloof and independent. Do not go telling her you want her, or you're sunk. Do not let her know your motives, or you're on a sinking ship. Do act aloof, be vague, and let her worry for a little. Build tension with her immediately.

[MetallicAguy]

It wouldn't be bad. It just says you want to hang. It wouldn't be bad where do you get that idea? Would it be bad if you asked another friend(girl) that you wanted to hang out? No it wouldn't, just go for it. It seems like your unsure about this, just go with the flow man.

[Riles84]

Ok .. so give it more time .. but does this usually work? starting as freidns and making her fall for me again ?

[Riles84]

Also we were going out for a year and a half and were inseperable the whole itme. and we alwasy talked about getting married and being with eachother forever