Wife does not initiate affection

[Jdesey]

My wife loves me dearly. The issue is that she never says I love you unless I say it first. she never just comes up and hugs or kisses me. she never initiates sex But she is always receptive when I do. We have discussed this many times. she says it is because the way her family was when she grew up. No body said I love you and her parents showed no affection towards each other. I try to accept this, but it hurts. I try to then withold the I love yous and the hugs and kisses,,, but thats just not me.. Anyone have experience with this? andy advice

[bwag]

Jdesey

 

I was recently going through an almost identical situation with my girlfriend of two years. She would simply never initiate any forms of affection (hugs, kisses, I love yous), and I always had to be the one to initiate sex (although she wouldn't turn me down, and we both enjoyed it).

 

She had mentioned to me early in the relationship that she "just wasn't affectionate, but she would work on it".

 

Well, fast forward to a year and a half later:

 

Even after multiple conversations about how awful it made me feel, absolutely nothing changed. I would purposely withhold any signs of affection that I would normally give her just to see if she would initiate. It never happened. For almost two months, I stopped initiating sex, and she never once even tried to initiate. Just two logs falling asleep next to each other.

 

I was very unhappy. I started resenting her. Every little annoying thing that she did would irritate me. We started getting into disagreements over little stuff, which would turn into arguments. She had a problem with her temper and she would spiral out of control, yelling, screaming, swearing at me, calling me names and telling me to shut the F-up. I'm sure that she was just as frustrated about the situation as I was, she just had a different way of showing her dissatisfaction.

 

Things were looking pretty bleak around Thanksgiving, and a few weeks later, we finally broke up.

 

I felt relieved, as it was something that really bothered me and she showed zero sign of even trying to make it better for me.

 

I've recently started dating a very sweet and affectionate woman, and I couldn't be happier.

 

The point is: If the lack of affection is a deal-breaker for you, like it is for me, then you should communicate this to her ASAP. Maybe you guys can work it out.

 

I realize now that I was hoping that my ex would change who she was for me. That wasn't right of me to expect of her. She is the way she is and she doesn't see anything wrong with it. My ex will not change and because of her lack of affection, we are not compatible.