I need help

[amunrah]

Hi

i am married man, working in a reputed company in Australia. The main problem is I am terribly bored.I have nothing interesting to do. This feelings have driven me to do stupid things which I feel bad about.

I am feeling so low that I cannot give a damn what is happening around me. I have been quizzed by my surrounding. Financially I am struggling as well as emotionaly.

I hate to go home from work becuase I feel there is nothing interesting. I cannot indulge in any activity becuase it costs money which I cannot spend like that.

My wife is pregnant and hence everything is restrictive. I think I have lost the feeling of lookig forward. I find each day is a curse like. The job is very boring the work I do is boring. I am in a vicious cycle. This boring things have forced me to seek excitment in SEX which I have indulged without my wife'sknowledge.

I am not sure what I am going to do. When I speak to her she does not understand and she has nothing to say. I feel miserable. I am seeinga pschiatrist but she asks me things like doing something interesting or being in a group which interest me.

Now the situation has gone down so drastically that I have become very lethargic, motivation is absoluetly low.

Can somebody advise me.

[gracee]

well, i don't know if this would really help you, i know its so hard to live a life full of problems, most esp.if it calls financial aspect...but isn't it hard if you don't have a life anymore/why don't you try to look the things that surrounds you and try to count your blessings.what you have to understand is that not everything arounds you upsets you, there are still things that give you hope, thats why, whether you admit it or not there is something that forced you to live....i've experienced such boring feeling you, when everything seems to be routinary and in work you get low salary, but life is a learning process, maybe youshould develop to some skills that could give you more money, try to have sa sidelines, don't be shy, its good that you try..about you having sex without your wife's knowledge..its really bad...because u are being unfaithful to her, and what i can see in your personality is that your not industrious...you want to solve things yet you don't want to take steps to do it..bear this in mind...it is tru that rewards will come from god, but he won't give it to us unlessw e are worthy of it...try to follow your psychiatrist advice,give it a try,don't let time waits you to do it, you are the one who is suffering from it so i guess you should do some things for you..

[amunrah]

Dear Grac

Thanks for the emal. The problem is whatever I have around I had to work so hard for it. I have worked hard very hard for whatever I have, I become battle wary. Things are not turning up as I wanted. Offcourse we do not get things we want but at least I would expect something is there to look forward to. Everytime I achive something something else happens and it negates everything. It has become to a stage where I do not find any inspiration in anything.

Work situation is getting worst, in this organisation people are so demotivated becuase of low salary rubbish system, high beuracracy. Bunch of old people making bad descision. Their actions are never scrutinised but people like me have no freedom after ginving 200 % in work. I want to be happy genuinely happy but I cannot see any way out.

I need fresh friends like you who can give fresh ideas or inspiration.

We are very much cash starved and that is squeezing me more. I am a very imdependent person. But lately I am like bogged down by the circumstances. It is a bad feeling trust me grace.

Feels like I am sinking into a unfathonable depth. What I think if I have to believe GOD, why is he punishing me. I have not done any wrong to anybody so why I have to get the wrong stick....

[gracee]

well, it seems that yourwork, family relations really upsets you...when was the last time you take a rest or vacation? why don't you do it even just a few days...or have you tried to go in a place ,say in a place near you where you are alone, you know, we human beings must make it a point that we spent even an hour before the days end alone....it helps believe, like you im also an independent person, but what are problems seems to be is bec.of our too much independence we tend to shoulder the problems of the world...have you open up this problems you had in work in some of your office mates?why don't you asked your management and have an hour of discussion with your problems... just don't forget when you and your boss talk stay calm ok??organizing a union of employees do sometimes help to allow your management that they are not good, butbe sure you'll have your officemates support...about your family, well, they are not food that when you don't like it, you'l just throw it somewhere..be strong, i know you can make, all you have to do is to set aside other issues and know your priorities..GOd don't give us trials when he knows thatwe can't survived from it...

by the way, have youtried looking for another job?how long have you been working there??try to look and explore the world of employment...

[amunrah]

hi Grac

Thanks for the post. You actually bring some sanity back to my world with your post.I have started looking for job getting very few calls but I have dicided not to give up.

This organisatin is non profitable organisation. My Boss is very cunning , he changes side with a tweek. Since I am not a developer I do not hold any importance to the management. Our management is kind of shit they do not mind paying to external for a shoddy job but they do not want to give good rise to us inspite of working hard.

I think this year is going very bad for me. It is like depression, last night our water heater system broke. Now I have to cough up $580 to repair. My credit card bill is mounting. It is kind of pressure from all sides squeezing me in.

I want to save my leave becuase I will need it when baby comes. Secondly going somewhere is expensive. We have to really control ourselve. I have lost faith in everything Grace, nothing works. I think in God's view the chosen ones are people like Rupert murdoc, and people from Haliburton Bechtel.

We are just you know scum....

Keep posting Grac, nice to get posting.

[gracee]

you know what, i came from a very poor family, we have experience eating only little amount of food and save it for the next days and much wors is my mother got sick then and we are crying bec.we thought we would lose her, you know whats good in your part is that you are still a resposible father and you family is complete,while in my case, my mother and father were separated and all bills is shoulder by my mother...i also have my brother and sisters and here in our place we also have a high cost of living....so you see, you are not alone...i keep my faith, i don't do wrong to others and still have hope..we had also experience not paying our monthly house rental...and we used to beg to our landlady then..but now i can say we are still poor, but bec.of courage to survive, me and my sister were able to finis our college (hey i graduated with honor) and landed a job, i also have problems right now and like i get a very low salary....but i just bear in mind that "in every tunnel of darkness there is light that awaits us" and "what is success with out pain".....be strong, lets cross this life with determination ok??just don't stop looking for a job....

[amunrah]

Hi Grace

My God .....I bow down in front of you.The reason I am feeling so down becuase sometime nothing works for me. It is just a horrible feeling. Back home there were my relative who is to guide me or I can seek guidance. But here we are totally alone. Its like you are alone in your journey. I like that you finished your graduation, your are a fighter. I know it is very difficult for a single person to pay bills. But you and your sister has shown remarkable fighting spirit. I should mention your mother's courage and dedication. I think we as a male do not have patince to cope up with things.

You are great. I must say keep up the good work. I always get inspired by people like you who has fought in theirlife and still fighting.

I guess my problem is very miniscule compared to you. If you can hang on there so am I. Sometime things just keep hitting us relentlessly like aiel bombardment. That is the time I just feel helpless.

Sometime I feel are you made out of somekind of evil genes. Why mae are responsible for doing all sorts of bad things.

Sometimes I wonder whether we are the curse.

[gracee]

hey don't think of that!that is not a curse, remember this GOd won't give us a problem when he knows that we can't fight it.

i must confess this to you, i've experienced so much down in my life and to the extent that i said bad things to god,hope it won't happen to you, i was too young then and i lost my temper, bec.there are so many bad things that is happening and i cursed god, now i just realized that things happen because they have reasons and it help me made a better person,now i must say that saying sorry to god is not enough, imagine i said bad things to him, i sometimes bothered by my conscience, i just bear in mind that God is forgiving and i hope he forgives me for doing that....so don't lose hope, don't be afraid to try to look for another job, a good person like will land to much more good job than you have right now. think this, GOd is still god, because even if we made mistakes, he still shares to us the rays of the sun, he still aloows us to breath the air he owns and still allows us to see the stars in the sky, bec. if you think that GOd is not good, will he allow us to see his creation despite of our stubborness?

[amunrah]

Hi Grac

I think that is your version of looking at GOD. Tell me something a simplequestion why an innocent person suffer ? What is the good reason to it. This is always be a mysetry to me. It is just a small question I guess no body can answer. Why there are so sufferings n? Sometime I feel bad looking at them, does GOD cry too, I guess you will tell yeah, but does he really ?

Grac I do not know....

But I guess I am still searching for answers to so many things. Why I feel like my life is just there to please somebody else. First part my parents, second part my wife and third part will be children. What do I get? I tried to ask questions and I vowed OK I will do something which I like, but I end up doing something which other person likes. It has been happening ages. Nobody told me OK you like this go ahead and enjoy it other than my psychiatrist.

When Isee her and talk to her she becomes my only window of light. There I know nobody will question me for motive, nobody will think that oh he is dodgy or he is just selfish. But unfortunatelyI have to pay $80 evry visit, so itsi kind of dear to me.

Not even my wife likes first she thinks why I cannot open myself up in front of her why I am so confortable with somebody. I just cannot explain to her that she never questions me. She tries to guide me, she never put allegation.

I do not know... like now I do not feel like going home. I know as soon as I reach home I have to do this , I have to do that and before realising I am in bed waiting for next day in office. Whereas my wife fast asleep.

It is like take it or leave it.

[gracee]

do you know when st.theresa's stll alive, she met a person with leukemia and she asked mother theresa, why she needs to suffer when in fact she doesn't do anything wrong with other person, she just said that God loves you much that he wants to share his pains with you...

 

if you think that you lived your life just to please the people around, it is so bec. you allowed it to, you never resisted and you always go with the flow...looking for a job, just like what youa re doing right now is a good start that you won't stay in that company just to please your boss...in the case of your family, i know its hard bec. what ever happens you can't just kick them out in your life, what you can do is have a talk to them...i know that you are soo depressed but think of this, what if you die right now, would you take it to see you family without you?do you think there will be someone who will still look and support them, the answer is no, you are the chosen one for them, unless you are willing to accept the trials in your life, that is the only time your feeling would be lighter...acceptance is all we need...ive experienced taht when you are doing things only to satisfies others, it upsets me and im not happy anymore, what i did is i went to church near to us and in our house when no one is there, i just pray and close my eyes by saying if others can, why can't i!!!

[amunrah]

Ho Grac

I guess I agree to what you wrote. I do not know, I am just waiting for that day when I will settle down and do things which I like. I am still waiting grac.. I have doen things I know may be hurt someone but I have done it unknowingly. Yeah things are getting bad, every morning I struggle to get up from the bed with empty feelings. I think that is taking toll on my health. My digestive power has reduced. Get tired very fast.

Yeah I guess what you are saying is right I just cannot go and pray. I thik I have lost all faith whatever I had. World has very bad place to leave in. Sometimes in the bed I think I do not think I will open my eyes tomorrow . Offcourse I am not going to any silly thing like that becuase I have my wife and tobe born to support.

It is like a game, you are there to play and you kow you are going to loose but cannot leave the field.

I am happy that you get some form of solace in GOD.

I do not know Grac....whom to believe and what to do.....

[gracee]

im so happy that now you've come to realized your worth, you may not noticed, but i can see it in your letter that though you feel helpless, you continue to face each day (even if with little hope ) its bec. your family, so you see its still our family!!!

another problem i noticed is that your like a ship without destination, well since you started looking for another job, hope you could start doing things that would enrich your personality...don't be pessismistic.,please....

its a good thing that despite of your struggles in life you still have your health, you don't have leukemia or anything that would add up to your miseries..love yourself first before you can love others, learn to be optimistic sometimes....just hold on...God will not ever abandon...

[amunrah]

Grac

Do you feel little vierd that we are so far from each other and we still connected. Sounded like one of those Networking advertisment.

What you say is right, I take each day. Everyday ebfore leaving for house I feel OH OK today will be a great day. But I feel dejected when I reach home. May be I ask too much.

I try a lot to get myself together and get the things going . Sometime I feel like talking something or anything to somebody who do not judge me or will feel bored. Someone like you, I feel OK after getting reply from you. It ia actually good to know that somebody listen to you. Becuase at home everything becomes very restrictive, you know.

What work you do, you do not mind if I ask ?

Your post keeps me lievly at the end of the day......

[gracee]

actually ive got friends online and im keeping them until now, im happy that i could sense a little lighter feelings on you....im happy that you are starting to accept your faults like being too pessismistic....don't worry i'll be here for you friend!i hope that you could send your family picture with me and i could give mine to you, just send it to my email ad email removed or email removed.

its a good thing that you faced each day with little hope, i guess the reason why you got dejected is because you set a high expectations..i know there good things that is happening to you its just that sometimes you are blind to see because you only see what you wanna see....im happy that we are communicating very fast...do you have your computer at home, bec. i have mine only at my office (we don't have money to buy our own computer)..im working at the office of the Vice-pres.in the school where i graduated college, im a clerk here but i work as all-around yet getting low salary but im giving myself a time to have my promotion or gain experience so that i could land in a more good companies in the future, i also work here as the budget officer..and i'm still pushing thru with my Masterals Degree in one of the prestigous university here,they say that i should quit my job or my school, but i prefer of having both, i know its kinda hard, but i need a job to sustain my school needs and "there's no easy way to success" right????

you know what, in our home there is also restriction, i can't open up things even to my friends here because im afraid they wouldn't understand at all thats why i have my online friends....another thing im a very open-minded person, so don't worry i wont get tired of listening to your problems...we are all brothers and sisters.....just look around you and you will see how fortunate you still, bec.you are not a beggar like others, you have a house and food unlike others... be strong....

[amunrah]

Hi Grace

Good to hear from you. Things are getting better. I think I will fight to keep everything. I am sure you will do good.

It is good idea to keep the jobs as well as learing. I used to do tutoring in UNiversity as well study. Not so tiring though.

ANy way what I was telling you that, yeah send me a ur photgraph accross my email address is email removed.

It is OK you can send me email from office. I am sure you will do good in your job. It is late here.

I will send you more post tomorrow.

[gracee]

hello. sorry if i wasn't able to response bec. our office days here runs from monday-friday only and last friday i had my enrolment thats why im absent..anyway, im so happy that you are getting a little better now..don't worry i'll send my picture to you...

by the way, what kind of job are you doing?how old are you?