To all the men out there

[kusela]

Hello everyone!

 

I've read almost all the stories that are posted on this site. We each have different problems and concerns but it is comforting to know that we share more or less the same feelings.

 

I am 24 years old. My boyfriend is 30. We have been a couple for more than a year now. Currently, he lives in Japan and I in the Philippines. The last time we saw each other was in November last year. Last December, we talked about getting married after my visa application got denied. Supposedly, I would follow him to Japan. He was so in love with me. We telephoned each other every day. We also exchanged e-mail very often. After the New Year, he became very busy with his job. There was a time that he did not communicate with me for two weeks. I called him myself and sent e-mail almost everyday but he was always tired to talk. I asked him what's wrong but he just said that he is so busy and hope things would be better soon. I tried to understand and continued loving him. Last April, he suddenly came back to being very sweet and wanted to come to the Philippines to see me. I told him that I could not leave my job and so we decided to postpone our vacation. We always talked and he shared his problems at work and told me how much he missed me. He told me to reapply for a visa. But since the beginning of this month, he suddenly became stoic and unstable again. He would get mad at me for no valid reason and then the next day he would tell me that I mean a lot to him. Three weeks ago, we had a misunderstanding and he told me that I'm "so rude" and he doesn't like my attitude. He rejected all my calls. We did not talk for two weeks (again). The other day, I e-mailed him and told him that if our relationship has to end, I want to do it in a nice way if possible. In my understanding, we already broke up. I asked him if he could send back my things which are with him. We are talking again but his e-mail is very brief, casual and somewhat devoid of feelings. This morning, he said that he wants to continue communicating with me. I don't know if it was a joke or not (because there was a joke in his message). I don't know whether he still cares for me.

 

Please advice me what to do. I still love him very much but I don't know him anymore. How will I know if a guy loves me or not. Is he just playing with my feelings?

 

Thank you!

 

*****

 

If the heart is willing, it will find a thousand ways; if it is unwilling, it will find a million of excuses.

[KingFizzy]

he's in Japan. you are in the phillipines. nuff said.

[C-A]

Thats the crap that usually happens in a LDR(LongDistanceRelationship), I've been in a LDR before and never again. LDR don't work at all, you will see a degrade in 1 year if the bond is not refreshed. Before I believed in myself that heck, its gonna work out because we are both dedicated to each other (me & her 3 hours distance) its not very far but its still a distance. A relationship also needs a physical bond and not just emotional.

 

I say, give it a break since you two cant do anything about it for now. Both of you have other obligations. He's probably very stressed working abroad and its also hard for him to deal with LDR.

 

Over come your emotions for him because if you let it get deep into you, its not gonna do you any good. Dont bury yourself.

 

Have a serious talk with him preferably on the phone and tell him its better off for the both of you to take a temporary break until everything settles down meaning dont think about him.

[kusela]

Thank you C-A! Your message is very enlightening.

 

I knew from the beginning that a long-distance relationship is hard to keep but I was hoping that ours would survive. I was waiting for the day when we could reunite for good and build a wonderful future together. It's just very difficult....

 

From now on, I'll not worry about what will happen in the future anymore. Nobody knows. I'll just give my boyfriend time and space and live my life. I can still continue loving him without necessarily expecting him to love me back.

 

It hurts. Pain is part and parcel of the love package.

 

I wish you love and happiness!

[C-A]

only time will tell but dont worry about it just be happy and find other distractions. you gotta love love and hate love for what it is...