Advice for a rough patch and to help my girlfriend

[Guy83]

My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost 3 years now and she is absolutely amazing. I'm pretty crazy about her. There's only one problem that resurfaces every few months or so. Whenever she is going through a difficult time (i.e. extreme stress, sick family member) things get really difficult between us. She's mentioned before that I don't know how to act in those situations, which I partly agree with; however, I don't think I'm 100% unable to function in those situations. Usually conversation between us slows down a lot, maybe talking once a day and when I do get a hold of her I usually get one word answers and she sounds really irritated with anything I say. I am trying to talk with her but it makes me a little depressed when I can't make her laugh or really anything other than irritating her more it seems which I don't think is her fault. I'm basically constantly rotating between giving her space and talking with her based on how it's going. I do try and talk about the issue she's experiencing but she shuts down a bit and says she needs to go. I've given her a lot of space before but that seemed to not work because she thought I forgot about her and didn't care. So now I try and talk to her and act like things are okay in a way. Ask how her day was and tell her how mine was and every now and then see how she's dealing with the issue she's dealing with.

 

A little about me, I'm slightly awkward and introverted. I don't comfortably thrive in conversation, I mean with her I do, but when things aren't the best I seem to faulter from time to time and say something awkward or not know what to say and panic in silence briefly. Early in our relationship I mistakenly made these situations about me in a kind of self pity like, "why isn't she talking to me" "why is she always irritated with me now" "does she really care about me" which I figured out was pretty selfish and inappropriate. I'm no longer like that but I still feel like I don't have this down yet. We are slightly long distance, she lives on the other side of the city about 20 mins away and is going to school as am I

 

Any advice or comments? Maybe what some women prefer when they are in these situations and things that men have done that helps their partner?

[HamHam]

I don't believe the problem is with you.

 

SHE is the one with the needs so SHE is the one who must direct you during those difficult times. It's very selfish of HER to essentially demand that you read her mind. My ex did the same thing and let me tell you, this doesn't lead anywhere good.

 

Work on your communication and don't ever fall for her BS that you're the one who responds badly. No, she's the one who can't put her needs in the right words.

[Monkey ai]

Agree with Hamham, I am facing similar issue as you, but it is my BF, I decide to give some space, and talk with him later, when he feel better.

it is all about communication.

[mhowe]

You are still making it about you ("It makes me depressed when I can't make her laugh).

 

She needs to learn to open up to you...and you need to learn to listen. Just listen. You don't need to give her space because in her mind that is deserting. And you don't need to pretend she isn't upset by ignoring how she is acting.

[antfarm99]

Perhaps you and your girlfriend handle situations a little differently than one another. That's ok, as long as you both have a mutual understanding of what to expect in response to tough situations. Maybe she is silently asking for you to give her a great big hug and tell her everything is going to be ok, or something comforting. Avoiding the situation might be the worst way to deal.

At the same time, she needs to open up about her needs from you so that you can both be there properly for one another during the hard times. Life is full of unpleasant surprises and you are going to have to learn how to deal with them as a couple in order to maintain a healthy relationship.