unofficial dating is driving me crazy! need advice!

[emma34]

So I have been "seeing" this guy for almost a month now. We spent new years eve together, and for our holidays, we spent almost every day together, granted other friends were there, we were obviously together. At first I was completely okay with us having no official title, and I didn't want to rush anything, and I think he felt the same way. One night at a party I was sitting on another guy's lap, not for any real reason, just because there was nowhere else to sit, and we are good friends, although I know he is attracted to me.

 

The next I found out this guy I am seeing was very jealous about that, which I didn't really understand. He decided not to come over or call me that night even though we had plans. When he eventually showed up at like 11:30 at night, I made it very clear that he was wasting my time, and that i'm not the kind of girl that just sits around waiting for her man to come home. I've been asked out at least three times since we've been together, I stopped seeing two people, and I turned down someone whom I had had a crush on for several years.

 

I feel like I have sacrificed a little for this guy, and I felt like he was disrespecting me. Once he told me he was jealous, I was a bit disgusted with him, so I became very straight forward. "Do you even care?" I asked - he said yes..and I asked "are we together" and he said "do you want to be?" and i said "you hold all the cards here' - and he said "yes". After that we "made up". He told me that he wasn't used to this (he's never really had a real girlfriend, but I've been in a very serious relationship before). We talked on the phone a couple of times this week, we go to school together, but we are trying to keep this under wraps, so we don't talk to eachother very often.

 

This weekend he has been busy with work, etc. I have been out at parties, and both nights he has called the party to talk to me, just to talk. It seems a little odd, but I don't mind. A couple of weeks ago he gave me a teddy bear - and I contemplated whether he just wanted me for sex, but HE is the one who never wants to do it, so that's not it. Last night when I talked to him, he made plans with me for tonight. Tonight i call to confirm, i ask what time "whatever you want"...i ask if he still wants me to come "whatever...doesn't matter", does he want me to bring friends.."up to you, whatever's cool". This was very frustrating so eventualy I said "obviously you sound like you have something beter to do, so I guess I'll let you go". He said he would call me tomorrow, although I don't know why. His best friend is my friends boyfriend, and hes' a real jerk who ditches and never calls my friend...

 

I'm thinking it's possible he has just learned to be this way - because of his friend. But I am rather confused. This is pointless to me, because I should be out dating, not being left home alone on a Saturday night. I just got out of a serious relationship a few months ago, and I can't really stand to be at home alone too much, and all my friends had made plans thinking I would not be available.

 

Should I give this guy an altimatum "all or nothing"...or should I just tell him I don't want to be screwed around with? I have NO CLUE of what hes thinking, and its driving me crazy...

[Luscious]

Hey, I think you should have a talk with him first and let him know how you feel about the whole situation, telling him that you just came out a serious relationship and you have a no tolerance level. You need to ask him again what he really wants and tell him not to answer you with a whatever b/c its annoying. You need to find out what he's thinking because even though he hasn't really been in a relationship before he shouldn't treat like that.

 

After this conversation you will then be able to make a decision on whats best for you. Good luck! Remember no one deserves to sacrifice their happiness for someone else.

[Ceema-k]

hi there. Well a month isn't a very long time and I'm inclined to say you're both fair game at this early stage. But since it seems you both have feelings for each other and are considering making a committment, you should definitely have another talk to get things more out on the table.

 

Guys can be reluctant to meta-analyze their relationships with whoever their dating at the time.... well, at least I am. I went thur something similar recently, where I've been "seeing" this girl for 3 months but I couldn't refer to her as my girlfriend, nor could she refer to me as her boyfriend. It was getting weird for me, but we finally had an interesting and honest phone conversation about it. And while our chat didn't resolve everything on my mind, it put my mind at ease and reaffirmed that things were still on track.

[Spirits Away]

Some guys talk like that even to a guy. You're just stuck with one of them. But I do sense some indecision in him.

[Cecelius]

Also, to the extent that you do tend to think of yourself as part of a couple, don't sit on other guy's laps