Taven Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 And at the heart of it is the loss I feel for my ex boyfriend. It's been about 3 months since BU/NC (went NC immediately). I've had many lovers over the years of differing lengths of time and intensity, but 3 months on I don't feel any different to the day we broke up, feel like I'll never get over this one. It definitely feels different in many ways. I'm not a mess, I can get on with life and do what I need to do. But there is such a great sense of loss and sadness, especially when I think of his beautiful face. We broke after 7 months because he said he didn't think he could fall in love with me. We never argued, we always made the most of our time, and I've never met anyone, of any sex, age, friend, lover, family member, that I had so much in common with and felt so at ease with. I don't believe in soulmates but damn, he was close. Now I'm in a loveless rebound relationship. I've never done that before, always given myself time to heal, but this time someone came along and was sweet and made me feel special and I latched onto it. Fast forward 3 months and ... well he is disinterested, we have little in common and sometimes he isn't even nice to me. But I can't say go because I'm weak like that and I'm scared. I do want him to leave me tho ... Has this rebound relationship stalled any progress? Or was I going to feel no sense of progress anyway? Like I say I am "coping" ok? (despite nearly every other aspect of my life being miserable too, social life, work, health, money). I look forward to going to bed at night, so I can dream about my ex. Link to comment
opalmind Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 Leave the rebound relationship. My ex left me (different time from our most recent split -.-) and we were apart for 3 months, I met someone else who seemed sweet to start with but turned out to be a nasty piece of work (bullet dodged) anyway. In my experience, although the rebound relationship did make me feel better (at the start) it was only a distraction. He filled the void that my ex had left but he didn't fit the void right. I think that just made it worse. When I eventually left the rebound relationship I realised that I hadn't moved on from my ex at all. It was just delaying my progress in healing, because when I was with the rebound guy I didn't have to deal with so much of the hurt from the break up. Don't put moving on off. It's going to hurt like hell. Not having someone to hold you or someone to speak to. But it's better to get it over with and getting closer to finally healing from this break up. And I like yourself am not normally the type to have rebound relationships. Link to comment
Willywagtail Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 Rebound relationships don't make you feel better. They just delay the inevitable because we eventually have to process what happened at some stage. So ease out of the rebound. Stay at home watch sad movies and bawl your eyes out. Give yourself permission to grieve. You've done it before so you know what it feels like - it might be more intense, but it won't kill you. You'll just feel like sh*t for a while. It IS awful when you believe that this one was the 'soul mate', the loss feels harder and deeper and the mourning takes longer. I've been there. Link to comment
Hazyillusions Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 Break up with the rebound guy. It's unfair on him. 3 months is nothing. I have an ex that took me 2 years to get over and another I'm still trying to get over after 18 months. Some ppl you just really fall for. It's part of life. 3 months isn't long enough. Link to comment
trust101 Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 It's that last sentence you should be worried about. Each relationship is different because each person is different. So it makes sense that you won't heal the same way from each breakup. Go back to your other breakups and have a think about what your thoughts were immediately or a short time after each one. Did you think you won't be able to get over your other exes? 3 months is still a short time so don't give up hope just yet. As for the rebound relationship. Does he know you just came out of relationship & what are both of your intentions? Because that is a little harsh being critical of your rebound being not nice to you sometimes, when I bet it's because he knows you aren't over your ex or aren't showing much interest & commitment. You're being unfair criticising your rebound guy. Link to comment
Taven Posted January 12, 2015 Author Share Posted January 12, 2015 The rebound guy is aware of the the ex, but IMO it hasn't affected how I have treated him or the relationship. I went into (perhaps foolishly) with the intention of it working out. So it was great at first (first 6 months) then he's just became mean, disinterested and rude. I'm still trying obviously because I do/did like the guy but I don't feel I have anything to feel bad about. I didn't set out to use him and it turns out I havn't. I don't know why he turned, it seems in general he is quite cold and bitter As for the other posts, thank you everyone. I will break up with him and just be single until I feel I can love again. Link to comment
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