what to do

[sleuth222]

ok is there really a need for a face to face break up?

 

so for example if you go away for 2 weeks and your boyfriend decides he has changed his mind entirely and doesn't meet you at the airport and avoids you for a month, except to say he's 'confused', and oh by the way, posted an online ad on jdate advertising for someone 10 years younger than you---------------is there really a need for face to face closure. isn't calling him up and telling him to go hell enough? i mean, what can closure do really?

[asmodai]

Well my last ex g/f broke up over the phone and it was hell. Never got closure from it, and still haven't 8 months later. For me it would have been way better if I could have looked her in the eyes and seen that she sorta 'meant' it, if that makes any sense. I know she did anyway, but I'm sad that I was obviously worth so little to her that she couldn't face me in person, she would have known that I wouldnt want to change her mind, would have respected her wishes and wanted her to be happy. I think she did it because it was less pain for her- the easy way out, but in the process it screwed me over. BIG time. But thats my situation, not yours.

 

But I guess you have to look at how long your relationship has been going on, and also what you think the other person 'deserves'. In my case I feel hard done by my ex- I only treated her well, and we actually went out the day before she rang me to break up and she NEVER said a word to me about what she was thinking.

 

But in your case i'd say this guy doesn't deserve much. What kind of guy wont even pick his g/f up from the airport? He sounds quite rude and inconsiderate- he should be dying to see you if you matter to him. And no contact for a month/advertising for dates- well thats just plain low. You sound like you have already made the conclusion that its over and its good that you aren't getting sucked into the 'im confused' crap hes feeding you- i'd say hes just trying to play the field.

 

I WOULD say dont even ring him, hes not even worth that much, but you probably should - not for him but for you. Just to make it clear that its over (especially due to how hes treated you) as this might help avoid him coming back grovelling to you when he actually grows a brain and realises what a great girl you are.

[Yorkrose23]

I agree with asmodai.

I would call just to finalize that it's over.

[sleuth222]

ok i agree with all of that--i think the phone is a rotten way to do this.

 

and i really feel for you if that's all your girlfriend was capable of--that's all he seems capable of.

 

i called, but the problem is that I didn't realize I was so angry--I started yelling as soon as he was like 'I don't know what to say.' I was like wait..you don't pick me up at the airport, you post an online ad (which I saw) you tell me you are 'confused' and then you just don't show up for a month.

 

???

 

who does that?

 

and anyway, i wound up yelling--he said 'I don't deserve to be yelled at' and I said "You know what? I didn't deserve this , any of it, but it's what I got.'

 

anyway, it's not about clever comebacks. it's about how awful it is and how he can't even show up to acknowledge it was supposed to be imp ortant. i am really angry. i have been sad, and now i'm angry, and the thing is I know the rest of this is stuff I have to process alone--apparently I will get no help from him.

 

That was really nice of you to say what a catch I am. So are you--I can tell.

[asmodai]

Yeah, well I dont know where I went wrong with my ex, I'm still confused- really felt a connection with her, and thought she did too. Guess its just one of those things, but still feel down about it from time to time. Especially recently when i heard she'd just gone back to her ex before me. For me its not about the fact that it ended, its HOW it ended that probably gets to me more, and it might be like this for you aswell.

 

Well its fine to vent, even to him. In my opinion you have every right- no doubt you've been tying yourself up in knots the past few weeks, and he has been a total jerk and a coward for not being forward with you. For starters, good on you for putting him in his place! It probably singnals that you're well on the road to getting over this relationship.

 

Its unfortunate because you seemed worried that he'd get enough closure from a phone call breakup, when YOU also are going to get none at all from him about his actions toward you, and might question whether you did something to cause it. From the sounds of it you didn't, obviously different people have different ways of dealing with relationships but most people would at least care enough to make their feelings known at the time, not run away and hide like he did.

[Pebek]

asmodai wrote,

In my case I feel hard done by my ex- I only treated her well, and we actually went out the day before she rang me to break up

 

Oh, man it sounds almost like my breakup. It was in March last year. On Monday we were having fun at my place as usual, and on Friday that same week she said she 'needed time'. I saw her the following Monday for the last time. We had that talk, but she never looked me in the eyes. Nor did she say 'I'm leaving you.' I did most of the talking. She didn't even say goodbye when I was getting out of her car. Yes, she broke up with me in her car. All that after 4 1/2 years of no arguments or even harsh words.

I don't want to take this thread off-topic but I just needed to vent. We've been split up for almost 10 months now and I still can't stop thinking about her and how it used to be.