Help? Advice? Tips?

[RCH1012]

Hi All,

I posted recently about my ex cheating on me for 3 months with a close friend of his.

When it came out (SHE told me) he cut ties with her and wanted to make us work.

After a month he said he couldn't do it anymore and he broke up with me. This was 8 days ago.

 

He contacted me via email over the weekend to tell me he has gone overseas to work again (the same country as last time).

He said he will be gone 4-6 weeks. He needed to just escape and get his thoughts in order.

 

He also told me all he has done is cry since we split he thinks about me all the time. He said he wants to get his head in order, refocus and regroup and come back ready to give us another shot and get back the happiness we had before.

We've been communicating every day via viber.

But im very confused i am happy we're talking and so happy he wants to get me back.

But can he?

After everything?

Has anybody else had a relationship/marriage survive an affair?

Any tips on how to get through it together?

Sometimes though i feel like im being stupid talking to him and he deserves nothing from me....

I'm so torn....

Help!

[InkedBrunette]

Only you can answer that question.

 

Can YOU ever trust him again?

Are YOU willing to put yourself at risk again?

 

My ex and I tried after the first time he cheated. I questioned everything, never let my guard down, and couldn't trust him. IN the end - he cheated again, and I left. Mad at myself for even trying to let him back. I felt as though I lost some of my dignity and self respect because I allowed him back in.

 

But again, this is something you have to answer for yourself.

Do you think you can let your guard down around him? Will you ever be able to truly trust him or will you always be sick to your stomach or stressed out wondering if its going to happen again? A relationship should make you happy, not cause stress or worry over infidelity.

[sammi87]

There is nothing to be torn about. He cheated on you...lied to you...and then dumped you after telling you he wanted to make it work!

 

Comparatively, the effort of vibering you to say he's been thinking about you is inconsequential.

 

As bad as you feel now, you will only feel worse if you wait around for him for 6 wks and he cheats on or dumps you again.

[Aaron Hodges]

My sisters partner cheated on her, and then left her to go party and get away from the responsibility of their kid etc.

 

After a few months he came back, and they've been married now for about 5 years and have two girls.

 

I know he hurt her very very badly, she's talked to me about it since my ex left me for another guy. I don't know how she learned to trust him again, but I would guess there was a lot of couples counselling involved. The best part about couples counselling is its about helping couples to communicate not only through conflict, but also what their needs are, etc. It helps reopen that dialogue. And its that lack of communication that ultimately breeds the frustration that can lead to cheating.