tired of the pain... tired of everything...so tired

[club33]

I don't know how to say this... But I want nothing more then to die right now... I dont' want to live i cry every morning just that i am still alive... I have nothing really to live for... I have no one to love, school is awful no matter how hard i try i can't do it... I'm always being made fun of...I"m a joke to eeryone... even to the one i care for more then anything....everyone is so happy around me I feel like no one sees me.. i just feel invisable. I can't do anything right I try not to be such a F&^% up but no matter what, I do EVERTHING wrong...I can't please my mom with anything she always compares me to her "younger self" my friends don't understand me ... no one really does... I'm just Heather the 17 year old that sits at the tv all day not saying a word "like a weird teenager" i am...

 

I hate feeling this way the anixitiy is getting to me i can barely breath when i feel this way... expectially facing the guy i like who hates me for some reason... but still plays with my heart knowing I care for him...

 

I want to be with the only one that understood me... the onlyone that really cared... I think about death 87 times a day I even fantize about it... I don't know what to do.. everyone says its selfish but i dont want to feel this way i hate this feeling,I hate crying ,i hate people ,I hate emotion, i hate this world, I hate love ,I hate the sound of my heart beating... I just want it all to stop... right now..

 

-Club33

 

Quote- And Yet I'm still alive.. for today...

[amanda22]

you need help. i am saying this in the nicest way possible. go see your counselor at school asap. life can be horrid at times. its always darkest before dawn. there IS so much to live for. you are so young. whether you know it or not you affect many people in your life and they do care about you. i am glad you posted here, keep doin it.

[dancergirl87]

think might sound lame to u, but try to relax. sometimes when i wish that i wasnt even alive i either lie on my bed, close my eyes, put on really soft music that doesnt have lyrics. and try to just concentrate on how my body feels at that exact moment. it takes your mind off of whatever its thinking about. that or i go to the beach around 2 in the morning when its totally dark and and close my eyes (or open them, its not like u can see anyways) and imagine that i'm blending in w/ the ocean. it sounds lame i know, but it calms me down more than anything!

[Shinobie]

U know u shouldnt want to do this and it is a bad thing to do.I always think i want to do it like i have tried once before but its my problem with being bi-polar.Im in a real high manic point right now and i think u should live.I believe there are plenty of people that care for you and dont want u to die.I too have the same problem that u do any girls i liek tend to think im stupid or somethign for some reason but thats just one problem.Just forget about that guy if he thinks of u like that.U dont need him.Try to do more things besides watching tv.I too have a way to get away and that is sitting at my computer playing video games.But people like me and you need to try to get away from these things that are so dear and helpful in our lives and do more with ourselves.Maybe get a job or something thats great way to feel good or do something u have always wanted to do.Like me im gonna try out snowboarding for the first time in my life here pretty soon hopefully that might be pretty fun.Just lil things to improve.Hope u have a good night and stop thinking about suicide and try to be as happy as u can be.People like me and many people at this site care about u plz dont hurt yourself.

 

-Shinobi

[amanda22]

do me a favor. tell me about one thing you love. dont say nothing, that is not an answer. really think and tell me one thing...anything. big or small, important or insignificant, i kknow there is something...

[Switch187]

Well all I can say is the "hate" will eventually go away with time, and will be replaced with "hope", I know this. I felt that way too a couple times in my life . Once when I was 15, another time when I was 18 (I had the letter written, the rope ready, and the pills in my hands), and once again when I was 20. All these times I felt this way, a "door" opened up and showed me that there was more to life than what I was seeing at the moment. Right now you only see a few things life has to offer, and they seem pretty sh***y. That happens to a lot of us, and it's how we learn from these times that makes us stronger. Each time I had felt that way, someone came to me and offered help, and showed me that there was more to life than what I was seeing, and that there is only one way to go when you feel like you hit "rock bottom". And thats back up. Keep heading "up" and keep asking for advice/help from anyone you feel that can be there to help. Whether this be a counsler, a relative, or just a friend that you trust, let someone "in" to help you "out".

[Prosper]

Hi Pal,

I need u to understand that everybody loves and concern abt u is NOT considering u as a joker in life. I wonder where u get that feeling from, it seems to me, u hate ppl who looks down at u, and thats why u feel that we are laffing at u when we talk to u. I guess thats a very bad way to start with, to mix around with people.

 

I mean yes, there are some people in our lives who think they themselves are very big deal adn think of us as we are jokers who provide some sort of entertainment. But i dun see any point, or let us say ANY STRONGER point of LOWERING DOWN OUR SELF-ESTEEM. I mean self-esteem, is how we look at ourselves, and compare ourselves of WHAT WE HAVE and others dont. I cant say i am a role model here, but i believe i always stand out more than others. I have been through depression before, and like switch187 says, GOD is very kind and merciful, he let people INTO OUR LIVES TO SHINE LIGHT OUT FROM THE MUD, TO KEEP US SAFE AND SOUND, TO MAKE US ALL DELIGHT. I have something pretty encouraging for u and that is, those chaps u mix with u in school are totally UNSOUND, for u. U may see this as they are MAD, and yes, they are, they are very immature souls around.

 

As for ur mum, it seems to me that she had expectations of how her son/daughter shld behave and think at the age like this. Thats how parents go in their minds. I cant say if she is passing her unfuifilled goals in life to u, so that u can achieve a BETTER her, but i would suggest u to tell her, I am very much like u, i hope u understand how i feel, i am what i am and i stand for what i believe in. I am sorry that mum, i cant be that younger u, but keep me in prayer that i will be someone good and nice just one day in this rest of my life.

 

I know u hate everything that is in life. The reason is coz THINGS DUN ALWAYS GO UR WAY, now i hope u understand one thing, every cloud has its own silver lining, it might not have been ur day, but someday yes, it will come ur way. And prepare for laughters to cushion ur way, as those bad people also have their days. Okay, so for now, clique with those people who are happy souls and pray. I believe God has very much hear from me and from u ..

 

Thanks for reading... shld u need me, pls pm me..

[thisisnotanexit]

death is no the only way out, i promise. i've been there. you are not alone and it's not your fault. but there is help i promise! all is not lost!

 

if it makes you feel any better, you're not alone. most of us here, myself included, have been or am where you are now. the important thing to remember is that you CAN continue living and the rest of your life isn't going to be like this.

 

there is help out there. you can still live a normal life like everyone else. all is not lost, i promise! take advantage of this short life while you still can. there is a purpose for you i promise. use your strength and experience with life's struggles for something positive. you can do so much. never doubt yourself. i know how special you are and i hate that you don't believe it. you all can go places and you can do things. take advantage of life while you can! please stick around and please please please don't commit suicide. if you've already ingested pills or something like that, call 1-800-SUICIDE or 1-800-222-1222. you can still live. or dial 911. get some help now or msg one of us or something. call the police or talk to someone. call a hospital! you can get through this, its not too late.

 

don't be so hard on yourself. try and have a little confidence. if you maintain this attitude that the world is against you and you'll never win, you're setting yourself up for failture. you can do anything you want and you're just as important as anyone else. don't forget that and don't let anyone convince you otherwise.

 

i feel the same way sometimes. some things in life really hurt me sometimes and i wonder how i can keep on going. but i'm so glad ive never acted upon these feelings. you have to understand right now, THIS ISN'T GOING TO BE THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. true, life is short, but it's not that short. you've got so much time left and you're so young..who knows what can happen for you! please don't believe that you're doomed for the rest of your life! i promise you're not, you deserve to live just as much as anyone else and life will not ALWAYS be hard for you.

 

i know how it feels, but believe me, if i can beat it, you can too. i'm not the only one who can beat this suicide thing.

 

YOU ARE worth it!

 

i have a horrible family life sometimes too. and it's hard, really hard. but i realize, living with my family is such a small part of my life. i mean do you realize you're not going to live with your mom forever. I hate that she's the way she is, but you don't have to live under her crap your entire. one day very soon you're outta there, to live your own life. this is your life, no one else's..never let ANYONE make you feel like it's not worth living, because that's just not true. i've let people make me fee that way, and it's just not right. people at school who make you feel that way..again i'm sorry, but you won't be in school forever. they're jersk and they're gonna have to live with themselves, but you're so outta there! you're so much better than them and you don't have to put up with that much longer. screw them. i know you're an awesome person, and they're just stupid. don't let em take your life. they're not worth it! you are! you've got so much to live for, you just can't see it now. believe me, i've been there.

 

the point is, you're so young and have so much to live for. i know it's hard to see now, but just remember, suicide is a permanent solution to a TEMPORARY problem. this isn't going to be the rest of your life. please don't get lost in your sadness. pull yourself up and realize you CAN live. you can take advantage of this life. things are going to happen for you all one day, just believe that they can. the things in your life you're unhappy with, try and make a difference. see what you can do. you're not completley helpless i promise. you can get through this. if you ever want to talk to me or anyone else on this board, please do. we'd love to help you through this difficult time.

 

true, there's no way i truly understand exactly what you're going through, but i can offer to be there for you no matter what. i mean that. we can get through this. you're so strong, i know you can.

 

try talking to someone..your friend or someone you trust..or one of us. anything you have to do. or if you ever feel really down, watch a good movie or listen to some good music. get a hobby. learn to play an instrument. join a club or organization. study. write. take a walk or exercise. you're gonna have so many things happen for you if you just stay strong and believe that your life isn't always going to be like this. you can do it. you can get through this. i've been there and you're not alone.

 

i know life gets hard, believe me i do. life is a struggle sometimes, but you'd never enjoy the good if you never felt the bad. you just gotta believe that there is still some good out there! stick around please and enjoy the good parts of life, because they exist i promise you. youre a strong, wonderful person and i hope you can see that. and again, if you ever ever need to talk to anyone, please msg me or anyone else on here. take care and visit these sites, please..like others have said on here, THEY CAN HELP AND THEY HELPED ME TREMENDOUSLY!!

 

link removed

link removed

 

or call

 

1-800-SUICIDE

 

these really do help, trust me..i've been there. please trust us. we all care about you so much and want to see you live!!

 

you're not alone!

[mgirl]

Club,

 

I will tell you, school is the hardest time of you life. You have no idea how much you change when you leave school! Really! When you finish, and hopefully you will go to University, you will look back on it and it will all seem so distant. I am now 35 and looking back on school seems like another world.

 

Sometimes it's hard to make friends at school because your shoved in with this bunch of people you have nothing in common with. I didn't have too many friends at school as all my friends left before year 12 and i was sort of stuck there on my own. And to make matters worse, i was gay and i was in a strict Church of England private girls' school, so you can imagine the torment! Nobody knew i was gay, but i did, and that was enough. But, the point i am trying to make is that there is an entire world out there and things really change when you leave. You're saying the guy you like 'hates' you? Well, how do you know he hates you? Sometimes when people really like us they have strange ways of showing us attention. Perhaps he is frustrated and is just trying to get your attention?

 

Whether this guy likes you or not, there are plenty of guys out there, believe me.

 

The advice i give to you right now is to finish school, no matter how painful it seems. Develop some interests and go to University, that way you will have a greater future and life chance to meet somebody or people you have something in common with. Sometimes i think back to my school days and realise that if i had have been in a friendless situation, i would have worked hard at my marks, gone to the library and shown everybody what i was made of. Why don't you do this?!

 

Also, i was just going to say, it's not school that is important. It's what you do with your life when you leave. When i finished school, i ended up working on a radio station. It was the most popular radio station of the time, and when i ran into people from my school, they would come running up to me in the street and say, "i heard you on ****" etc. It was really funny cos they hardly wanted to know me when i was at school!

 

Good luck,

 

m

[shuntaro603]

I felt that way before. But give it time, try to enjoy the good things about life. Hang out with your friends, I find that the best way to heal mental pain. Be outgoing. You may think death is the only way out, but there are still a lot of things to look forward to. Find a goal. I don't wanna sound weird, I am just trying to help.

 

 

I Hope you feel better.