Not starting up the physical relationship again... yet

[vicki]

Don't know if this is the right forum, because it is not technically getting back together.

 

In a nutshell:

 

He broke up with me end of summer after 2 years.

 

Then decided about 2 months later that he really missed me and MIGHT have made a mistake.

 

We talk to each other often on the phone, but do not "date" as yet.

 

He is confused about what to do about our "relationship". He is scared that he will just hurt me again.

 

We had our first nice evening out. Very special and romantic, but when he asked me back to his place after midnight, I told him that I was not comfortable with it, but did ask him back to my house, (I live with my family).

 

He acted hurt, but we have not even had a kiss since we broke up so I was not comfortable.

 

Since we have spoken ALOT on the phone, was I being unreasonable for not going to his house? I just think we should slowly build things up in person before the realtionship starts physically again, especially since he tells me he is so confused. I know he had been very excited about this evening out, and it was so special, until this happened. I am questioning whether I was unreasonable or not.

[ticklebug]

no, you weren't unreasonable at all....

 

you got hurt, it's fine to protect yourself by not jumping in right where you left off...

 

he needs to prove himself to you....

[atlas]

Not at all. For SO many reasons that was the perfect thing to do. Good job and don't second guess yourself. You'll know when things are where they should be to proceed to the next level. If, right now, you have to ask yourself (and even logically it doens't seem like jumping back in is a good idea-first date and all) if it is too soon then it, probably is.

[Switch187]

Yeah I agree with everyone here. You did the right thing by letting him know your not ready to be physical with him just yet. You need time and he should respect that.

[hockeyboy]

you know that he was looking for sex or assuming?

[vicki]

you know that he was looking for sex or assuming?

 

NOT sex, but obviously starting up the physical relationship, somehow. I want to spend time with him, but an not even ready to start anything until I am sure that he knows what he wants. I am fine with giving hugs goodbye and hello, but anything more intimate right now makes me uncomfortable.

[hockeyboy]

if he loves you he will love the fact that you want to wait. that will just make him respect you that much more.

[milano]

i agree..u did the right thing in ur case. be strong and dont think u did a bad choicein doing so k? u have to make urself seem a lil more hard to get..it will make him pursue you..which is what needs to be done since hes the one that ended the relationship. take things slow from here and if u play it right..u might just get him back. use his doubts and insecurity, confusion against him..go with it tell him hes right..and he will doubt himself and say nooi want to be with you and i can work it out

[hockeyboy]

also tease him a little bit...it will drive him crazy and he'll be yours.