Should you hide your real age or not?

[Recovering_Lover]

I have a believe that people tend to stereotype you based on your age, even before getting to know you.

 

So, my question is, is it ok to lie to someone about your age, if they enjoy your company and have lots of fun and vice versa?

 

Only tell them your real age after they have gotten to know you?

 

Or should you tell them your age, even though they enjoy your company and all and you know that they might just not get to know you becoz they already have a stereotype of you?

[Kaspa]

Your first idea was best. I always fake my age by a couple year,s get to knwo the person, and tell them after words.

[PAdreamer]

It is a very bad idea to let someone get close to you, only to reveal that you've been lying to them the whole time. Honesty is the best policy.

[Caldus]

Well either way they will find out what your real age is eventually. Would your rather lie to that person? Once they found out your real age, then it will just be trouble.

[Prosper]

Hi Pal,

i dun believe in stereotyping ppl of what their ages are. I mix around with ppl quite perfectly fine. They take my jokes, they stand for what i say and well typically i only believe in MATURITY.

If they arent mature enough to accept u, why go to the point of lying? And if u are mature enough, i dun see the point u have to mix with ppl like these ard.

Hehe this my honesty the policy for all insurances of lies..

 

Thanks for reading..

[jbutterfly2020]

Definitely do not lie, just wait until the age question is asked. If the person doesn't ask right away, then obviously age isn't extremely relevant to them.

[Recovering_Lover]

What if you don't tell them your age and tell them only after they get to know you? You just tell them , you don't wish to reveal your age now but later?

 

A lot of people stereotype its a fact .But once they get to know you, then they loose their stereotype, then when you tell them, they don't really care about your age.

 

Isn't that better?

 

So, is telling them straight away, and then they avoding you becoz of a stereotype is better? Them aren't you losing out meeting someone?

 

I jsut want to to highlight that I can just tell my age to the person and move on, but it just seems very stupid to me that I should lose meeting a person I totally enjoying connecting with becoz of a stereotype.

[Recovering_Lover]

Thank you everyone. I agree with most of you on that.

 

Also, I think, in the back of your mind, you'll be bothered that you never told the person your age.

 

I prefer not to lie. But my experience has being that people talk to you just becoz of the number. But I guess, in the end, I just don't want to lie to people. I prefer to be myself.

 

Its up to the person to accept you or not. =)

 

R.L.

[RayKay]

No I don't think you should lie about your age, then you have already told them a lie early on. If someone did that to me, I am not sure I would want to let that go by.

 

Chronological age often does not match up with a person's maturity levels, or life experience...either more or less, and most people should recognize that. Lying about your age just shows you are not confident enough in your personality, and that you are more immature in that you felt you had to lie. Both negative points when I am talking to someone!

[Virulent]

So you lie about your age to make them think your more mature...then you go and tell them you lied about your age....how mature does that make you look?

[Meow18]

Yeah, I don't think its good to lie about your age.

 

Why be ashamed of how old you are? People who stereotype others are ignorant and if they don't care to get to know you because of your age then they aren't someone you want to be close to anyway.

 

I would rather be told the truth than getting close to someone and later finding out they weren't what they said they were. I would be hurt that they would think I wouldn't care to get to know them because of their age. I would feel judged.

[Yorkrose23]

Don't lie. Ever. Nothing good ever comes of it.

If the person really ends up liking you, then age shouldn't even be a factor.

[drahcir]

If people find out you lied to them about your age, they might begin to think that you lied to them about other things too (even if you didn't). Its hard to rebuild trust after someone has willfully lied to you. Just find an appropriate opportunity to mention your age.

[11flower]

I think it's better to not lie about your age. It's the personality that matters. And, as someone else said, it's also stage of life that matters. Your personality is something the other party will like, or not. Your person is who the other party will appreciate, or not. You don't know whether you will even end up liking the other party, so you should value your age and wisdom from living.

 

If age matters more, then maybe the relationship isn't meant to be. But I hear what you are saying as to sterotyping.

 

Anymore these days, older people aren't old due to fitness activities and anti-aging programs. Men and women can carry on youthful appearances and look, feel, and BE as attractive as they want, notwithstanding their years of living.

 

People can look young, feel great at any age any more. Find someone who has commonalities with you. If you look for people with similar interests as you, the age will be a small factor. You won't need to lie. Value your age and yourself and contributions. Maybe the other person needs someone like you, just as you are.

 

11Flower

[dreamweaverdude]

Being older I have at times lied about my age. IT ALWAYS bit me in the butt if it ever was revealed. DOn't. If age is a factor with the person you are chatting with it hurts them worse to drag it out and let them find out later, plus it really makes you look like a loser. Plus, people's feeling can get hurt with lies of any type.

 

And rememeber , how would you feel if you developed feelings for someone only to find out they are not the age you thought... been there done that and thankfully it didn't matter at the time, but to most it might.

 

Consider the othe person in your decision.

[volution]

God almighty... this is exactly one of the dichotomies that is tearing me apart at the moment.

 

This stereotyping is awful - in fact it's almost as bad as racism. If someone said to you "I won't go out with you because you're black" - that is so wrong. But people seem to find saying "I won't go out with you because you're too young" is OK. It's just as offensive and hurtful.

 

My interests and beliefs, they tend to be held by women a lot older than me (in their 30s and 40s). (I am 24).

I've tried so many dating sites etc., but if I put my real age down, I either don't get any replies at all, or I get replies from people who are about the same age as me or younger, and don't share the same interests.

I do have an advantage, because I do look older than I am. If I let my facial hair grow for a little bit, I end up looking about 35. (People have told me!) lol.

 

I don't want to wait flipping 20 years before I'm 'allowed' to have a relationship with someone who shares my interests though!

Out of interest, I have put down my age being 10 years older than I am before, and then I DO GET REPLIES.

Which just goes to show how f****** age prejudiced this world is.

 

I also feel it wrong to lie about age. But when you're faced with this problem, what the hell is there to do?

As Leonard Cohen once said, "You've waited half your life away... All you've got left to do... is go on waiting for the miracle to come..."

 

I have a believe that people tend to stereotype you based on your age, even before getting to know you.

 

So, my question is, is it ok to lie to someone about your age, if they enjoy your company and have lots of fun and vice versa?

 

Only tell them your real age after they have gotten to know you?

 

Or should you tell them your age, even though they enjoy your company and all and you know that they might just not get to know you becoz they already have a stereotype of you?

[11flower]

Hey Volution,

 

Maybe you could deter telling your real age till you've had the opportunity to meet. Obviously, you are quite capable and mature enough to date a woman older than you; you age just should not be a factor. I mean, in most cases you will be in different stages of life with women older than you. This is usual. But now a days, that doesn't apply either.

 

When you think of people getting married late 30s into their 40s and having their first child in early 40s, I mean the stage of life might be similar to yours. So, if you're attractive and appealing and are somewhat mature moreso than men your age, you just go for it and don't be limited.

 

But why lie? If they find out you lie, they might pretty much be turned off in the longrun. Just distract them from knowing, somehow.

 

I was recently told that by someone who has never met me, but with whom I had problems with that I'm and "old bag". The guy never met me and doesn't know what I look like, my health, etc. I was also categorized according to age (late 40s). I still feel young, strangely. Yet when I was at a store a few weeks ago, a young dude looked surprised at reading my i.d. and asked whether that was my actual age, as he thought I was at least 10 yrs younger. So, people age at different rates and some are late bloomers (like me). And my dreams are coming true later in life for me than earlier.

 

So, anyway, you just hang in there and see what you can do. Sell your good qualities and be confident. This will help draw the older women you like to you. Being Black is a wonderful quality, tho' racism still runs rampant. I'm White, but I think all Black people have very beautiful physical features, if you don't mind my saying so. The dark skin is very beautiful, and some Black men whoooweee just knock me on my butt ...oh, scuse me.

 

Rambling ceased.

 

11Flower

[PAdreamer]

Well I think age is important on some levels, Volution. Example: It's not a smart idea for a 40 year old to date a 16 year old. Sorry... It's just stupid in my opinion. No matter how mature either person is. But, extreme cases like that aside, I'm 20 years old and my best friends are in high school or younger! Having been a smart kid who didn't get the credit she deserved, it gives me great pleasure to get to know younger people and give them a chance to express their maturity without feeling shunned.

[MetalJoe]

There shouldn't be any need to lie about your age - avoid bringing it up in conversation, but don't lie. If someone has a problem with your age, then they're probably not worth your friendship.

 

I have very few friends my own age - they're either mid/late thirties or late teens/early twenties and there have never been any problems. My last two gfs were in their thirties too.

[amtheredoingthat]

Speaking as the voice of experience... don't lie. True... it seems unfair that we might be judged soley by our age. But all of us judge on somewhat "superficial" things when looking for a significant other to date... YOU may prefer to date blonds, or someone not too tall, or not too heavy, etc... I think the other person has the right to all the facts upfront so he or she can decide if the age-gap is right for him/her.

 

My situation: MY older bf lied. I knew he was older. I thought 16 years older, which was one year past my declared "limit". Turned out he was 26 years older, and I didn't find out until we had spoken for over 3 months. The truth is... had I known at the beginning, I never would have given him the time of day. However, that was MY right and MY decision to make. By the time he told me, I was emotionally roped in (and I use that term very selectively -- I felt trapped by my emotions). Do you really want someone to feel as if they were TRAPPED or TRICKED into a situation of liking you, or that they came upon it of their own free will?

 

Further... trust has always been an issue ever since. He's honest for the most part... but I'm aware he's capable of lying to my face. Where does it end? I DO believe this BF does lie to me on rare occasions, esp. when he thinks it gets HIM out of some hot water.

 

Age is an issue to some people... and NOT an issue to others. Age IS an issue to me. I PREFER older men. I will not date men younger than me, and don't even like it if they are around the same age. I like at least a 5 to 10 yr age gap, with the man being older. You can say that I descriminate against younger men! BUT... if you are an older man, then you'd be perfect for me. Get my drift? All I'm trying to say is SOMEONE will want to date you for who you are... all of who you are, including your age. If you lie... you'll get someone who probably isn't right for you... because they thought you were someone that you aren't. Trust will be destroyed. In fact, there's no guarantee that because YOU thought they had fallen for you, that the person won't run in the opposite direction the minute they learn the truth. I almost left my BF behind. And I'm not going to say that I'm GLAD he did what he did, because I wouldn't have known him... no. What he did was wrong. We've gotten past it, and I've forgiven him... but it was a mistake. Now that HE has become the one with the age-gap issues (fear of intimacy, commitment, due to the gap), he would be the first to agree with me. Ironic, huh?

 

Don't lie... establish trust right at the start... and get someone in your life who is looking for someone JUST LIKE YOU, who will love you for who you are.

[Stefiy]

When I was 14, 15, and in some occasions younger, I'd lie and say I was older - but only to the people whom I'd know I wouldn't see much of if more then even once. Now I don't lie.