NO CONTACT - DAY 77. BETTER OFF?

[skynet74]

My Girl and I lived together for 10 years. It's been one year since I Caught her Lying to me and sneaking around with another guy. She broke up with me shortly after. She was Busted. So she decided that she mine as well give up on us now. We ended up back together in MAY, but she basically did it all over again. Hurt me bad. I guess since she figured she could do it once... then why not do it again! I guess that's what happens when 9 out of 10 of your friends are also lying cheats. I guess when you hang around with Bad influences ... they start to rub off on you. Things got so bad that she not only killed our relationship but also our friendship as well.

 

In any event ..... I still miss her. We had 10 great years together. Today is Day 77 since we last spoke. I'm still angry at her for what she did, but I still think about the Loving side of her that did treat me well for 10 years. I keep hoping that side will someday reappear. Perhaps I'm not being realistic. Maybe I'm still holding out hope where there isn't any left. I don't know. All I know for sure is that I want this time apart to actually do something good for the two of us in the long run. Weather it be trying again someday or just being a good friend. I know that I want us to be something to each other again someday.

 

The only thing that's making me happy is knowing that the more I don't contact her... then the more chance there is that she will miss me. You can't miss someone who's always there. Well I haven't been there for 77 days. Am I better off now for it? I would like to think so. At least I have been giving her what she wants. Now if her life goes bad ... she can't blame me for it. I haven't been involved. She may have left me because she thought her life would be better without me. So now I'm giving her the uninterrupted opportunity to find out if that's the case. If things don't get better for her then maybe she will see for herself that I wasn't the one holding her back. I feel good knowing that she is finding this out on her own. It might just be what it takes for her to see that I wasn't such a bad guy afterall.

 

I'm still not waiting for her since there is no guarantee that any of this will work out as I hope. I just wanted to keep everyone updated. No Contact is hard.... but it gets easier and sometimes it is your best option.

 

 

 

John

[FiveHorizons]

I was just wondering what was up with you.

 

Good to hear you're still holding up.

 

Happy Holidays, man.

[ebola316]

I'm jealous of your 77 days. Mine is only at day 2 even though he's been gone 2 weeks, and I feel like crap.

 

I don't know if this time apart is doing anything for them. This is the path they chose, and we can't do anything about it. I think the chance of mine appearing and saying " I love you, I was wrong, I want you back" is about the same as getting hit by an asteroid.

 

It's hard not to think of them, and what they're doing and who they're with. But I really doubt they are having the same thoughts as we are right now. They're probably enjoying themselves.

 

I've been so nuts, I had to make a doctor's appointment for later in the day, just so that I don't lose it completely.

 

I just think they didn't care enough. If they did they would never hurt us like this. This is also the 2nd time mine has left too. If they cared the way we did , leaving wouldn't be so easy.

 

So no, I don't think they are coming back, and if they did, what's to say they don't pull the same crap on us again in a couple of days, months, years?

[FiveHorizons]

Write up a legal contract that says if they pull any crap again they get drawn and quartered.

[titan]

To me once someone breaks up with someone (not a break a break is just sometime apart but you still want to be together). It over a break-up is saying that this relationship is not worth fighting for so i would run away instead if going through the bad times.

 

Keep up the good work of NC dude. I'm glad you feel better, perhaps its time for you to look outside and see maybe there is someone better out there for you.

[trishcollins]

Good for you skynet. Technically I broke N/C with my letter and Christmas card, but that was only one-way and I do not expect a response to either. It's now 5.5 months since the breakup, 5 months since I have seen him, 4 months since we last spoke, and over two months since we "exchanged" emails.

 

It is really helping me to get past this. Especially as he never responded to my letter (see "Letter to my ex" in the "Healing after Breakup" forum)

 

I finally feel like I have the closure I need now, and N/C won't be a challenge because I won't be contacting him again. I have no reason. I'm done and ready to move on.

 

It's as though I finally hit rock bottom and realized I have no where to go but up.

 

Keep it up. I admire your stamina!

[skynet74]

Thank you Trish. I feel like I hit Rock Bottom in the relationship as well. She was just treating me with unbelievable cruelty. I dealt with a Bad break up once before and I lived in pain for 3 years as I held out hope. Then I met my latest Ex and she made everything all better. She took away all my pain and gave me the happiest days I have ever had. Just when I felt there was no hope... I met her and she showed me a love that I have never known before. So I'm sure that it can happen again. That is why I am not waiting this time. I've learned from past experiences that waiting is just a waste of time. I deserve to be happy TODAY. This is why I have been looking for someone new. I haven't met that one special person yet........ but I'm looking. I'm defintely looking.

 

 

John

[trishcollins]

I dealt with a Bad break up once before and I lived in pain for 3 years as I held out hope.

 

Yes John, you should be looking. I am definitely looking in the new year. I also have the experience of an 18 month "waiting" period after my last bad breakup and REFUSE to waste 18 months of my life on someone who obviously doesn't know a good thing when it's staring him in the face. Nope, time to move on.

 

Good for you. I know I have definitely reached a turning point, as no doubt everyone of us does at some point. Holding out hope for something that might never happen is crazy. I know some would argue that no one is romantic anymore and everyone is entitled to dream, and I don't want to shoot down anyone's hopes or dreams, but last time I looked, none of us were living in a "Meg Ryan, Tom Hanks" movie. Life is reality and frankly, it just sucks sometimes.

 

At least we have the experience to know, there will be someone else at some point. That's what keeps me going.