Who gets back with who?

[DRB]

I friend put fwd a theory to me saying that when guys break up with a girl that they are more likely to take the girl back whereas if a girl breaks up with a guy they make sure the break up stays broken up.

 

Anyones experience's would be helpful.

 

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[Switch187]

Well I guess I break your theory, since my g/f was the one who broke up with me, and she was the one to put the effort in take me back and make the relationship work.

 

Also when I broke up with girls in the past, I made sure the break stood broken.

[lovelostlady]

I can kinda see that. guys tend to make more rash decisions, based on emotions at the moment. girls think things over a lot before they act on them. ofcourse all people are different and gender doesn't make too much of a difference. it is an interesting theory though.

[Heretic]

No offense to you lovelostlady but I've found it to be the opposite. Women are more likely to storm off because of a single event then men. Men usually it is a series of continous events (such as multiple rash break-ups) that cause them to leave.

 

What really matters as far as who takes who back is who was putting in the effort. The person who was trying to hold the relationship together in the first place (whether they called it off or not) is the one who will try to make it work again.

[lovelostlady]

no offense taken. honestly, almost every breakup ive known personally has been the guy breaking up with the girl. so when the girl breaks up with the guy im like, "whoa must be serious..."

[panchala23]

I feel like girls are the ones that usually make the quick decisions based on a whim. I think guys tend to be more happy with the status qup, while girls like to shake things up. I guess it really depends on teh ages though, because I feel like that probably plays an even bigger role.

[lovelostlady]

definitely age makes a huge difference. people in their early 20s breakup and makeup a lot. I guess cause its sort of like "why not?". while people who are a bit older are actually wanting someone to settle down with and dont want to waste any time if they arent sure.

[DRB]

Is there any truth though that girls live by the "never get back with an ex" theory?

[Switch187]

Is there any truth though that girls live by the "never get back with an ex" theory?

 

Well yeah they do, but guys do as well. I know I will never want to get back with one of my ex's either, even if my current relationship fails. That type of decision is usually made when the break up ends on bad terms (such as cheating, abuse, and other things like that). When breaks are on "good" terms, then most of the breakee's are the ones who want to get back together, while the other person might be a bit confused for a while.

[DRB]

I see you point, though I got broken up with and I didn't cheat, abuse or anything even close, I didn't see it coming. All that aside if you haven't experienced any of those things how can you posibly say "never"

[Switch187]

Well you can "never say never" and if she said that, it's just how she feels at the moment. She mainly wants some time, and "breathing" room to speak, so by saying "never" she enforces the time and space she needs. Sooner or later she may come back, maybe just to be friends, and when she does she will also know to "never say never". Go ahead, ask some of the girls who have said "never" to a guy they broke up with, just to come back here a month later asking "how do I contach him after so long".

[DRB]

Yes that was one of the hardest things to hear "never", if only she didn't use that word.

 

Well there is the question then , how many ppl have said never to then turn around and think "bugger, shouldn't have said that"?

[fantasia2004]

I don't really think it matters based on sex genders but really it matters on how you broke up whether on good terms or bad and if they still have feelings for you or not.

[panchala23]

I think you guys are missing a very important aspect of a lot of break ups. Not all break ups have to do with a loss of feeling, sometimes people just break up for the pure sake of not limiting themselves. Like I said I think this is much more common in young people, because as people get older they know more about what they want. Sometimes people say things like "never" just to get that extra space, like you said before. The first time i broke up with this girl it was on bad terms and we got back together, this time we are breaking up on a little better terms. I dont think that means we are less likely to get back together, I think it is actually the opposite. I think girls want to be a part of someting they view as healthy. I know she appreciates how hard its been for me to be able to keep things on good terms, and ultimately I think that will bring her back....because it shows how much I care about her to give her that space. But, if you really want to get her back, don't be desperate. You have to realize that you will be ok without her. It's ok to think that you want to be with her, but not ok to think that you have to be with her. I think that is scary for a lot of girls, because they are usually much more level headed about relationships (or at least the girl i am talkin about is). See other people and try to make it ok, then if you still want her, you can go to her and say look, i tried to make it work with other people, but you really are what you want. If she still has feelings for you, she will eat that up because it shows how healthy you are.

[gersanos]

Interesting thread and some good posts.

 

In term's of principle, it should be the dumper that comes back, but I honestly don't think it matters as long as both parties are willing to make it work or want to get back together.

 

A break-up is space, or time apart as mentioned. Feel free to think it's over for good to help you move on, but with time, thoughts and feeligns change. Loss of feeling or whatever the reason is is caused by something. It does not just happen. Space helps to figure out who you are, what you really want, be independent for a bit, etc, and then maybe have another go at it.

[ebola316]

We women put up with alot before we even think of getting rid of them. They seem to be able to dump us with little or no problem if they see something better, or the grass looks greener.

[alittleoverlife]

I think its funny how so many opinions differ on this subject. It shows that everything is seen differently from each individual's shoes, or standpoint for that matter.

 

Anyways, I just want to say that I agree with the people that think getting back together is not "gender biased." People all leave relationships for different reasons, men and women alike, and so trying to place emphasis on one individual to the next is virtually impossible, because so many people "think" differently (as shown with just this one question) and so many situations are different. So many factors, aside from gender which doesn't seem to have a correlation with getting back together, play a part in both the relationship itself, the break-up, and even the chance to get back together that it can never be narrowed down to one specific thing. It is not because the dumper is male or female, it is really a matter of what is in both parties' hearts, and whether they "feel" like getting back together is the right thing to do.

[JimmerJammer]

We women put up with alot before we even think of getting rid of them. They seem to be able to dump us with little or no problem if they see something better, or the grass looks greener.

 

yeah seems like me and my ex she put up with so much of my crap its not even funny. i could sum it up by saying it was cuz i was immature and needed to "grow up" or whatever.

 

i felt so terrible treating such a great girl so horribly, like shame on me you know. and now she wants nothin to do with me and doesn't care if i mature now, fact is i wasn't mature then and to her it made her stop loving me.

 

seems with my guy friends, the second their girl starts getting all upset all the time or the guy sees someone who looks better, they like cheat on them or dump them for the other girl.

 

eventhough my ex left me, i think she did for the right reasons and to go further, all my friends like ditched me and don't talk to me anymore and i'm like completely alone right now. i honestly have myself to thank for that and wonder if i could ever make it up to her and everyone. seems no one wanna listen to what i have to say and no one cares either way.

 

with girls is there anything a guy can do to redeem himself or is it like the best thing you can do is like live your life better and not do it to the next girl or if she gives you a chance on her own that you not mess it up. cuz like what makes a girl rethink her choice to leave you or like once her head tells her the guy is an immature loser, how do you change that? or is it that you can't and like you should forget about it and find someone else.