Is he afraid to persue further into the relationship?

[bicbic]

I met this guy about seven months ago and we have really hit it off since then. When i first met him he had told me that he wasn't looking for a gf and at that time I hadn't wanted a boyfriend either. We started hanging out a lot and decided to persue things intimately (kind of a friends with benefits thing....yet we never really called it that). He told me that he really cares about me and that I'm the only person that he has in his life like this. However, it seems that I am usually the one to initiate getting together and he's always coming to my house, I never ever go to his. I'm not sure if I should risk asking him if he wants anything more or if he's just in it for the sexual aspect of things. Also, I have a feeling he might be afraid to get hurt again (he got really hurt after his last relationship). If anybody has any insight as to what might be going on, please let me know! thanks !!

[tiger_lilies]

My guy said the same thing to me! That he's not looking for a girlfriend. We are also in a casual friendship/dating thing too. Not sure what we are but I do know that we both like each other.

 

Same thing with us hanging out, it's usually me who initiates, plus I've never been to his place before, since I live alone and it seems to be more convienent for him to come to my place. I asked him recently if I could go over to his place sometime, his answer was simply, "Yes, anytime you want."

Well, who goes around inviting themselves over? I'm still waiting for an invitation.

 

My thing is, I don't want to pressure him into a relationship...it's so hard because I also don't want to be pressured too! My friends tell me I should talk to him about us...but in my situation, my guy is leaving for two months so everything is pretty much on hold until he gets back in March.

 

I totally understand what you're going through...I'm basically in the same boat.

[ticklebug]

this is where men and women differ in a HUGE way and it ends up causing a girl a lot of pain. Sex, for each gender is as different of a thing as the parts they come equipped with to render it possible.

 

Men have it in them to be able to separtate sex from emotion. Women, by nature, equate sex with feelings...it's an entaglement that is unaviodable.

 

Here you are in what is a "friends with benefits" and you are analyzing it with a female thought process...just because it has gone on for a while you asssume there HAVE to be feelings there on his side...not necessarily so.

 

If he isn't initiating the contact...then you aren't a "NEED" for him....but he knows, on some level, he is a "need" for you...so he's got a sure thing. Why should he bother calling or asking to spend time? He pops over, pops off, then leaves...keeping his private life private while yours is intimately invaded...being hurt again has nothing to do with it...he stated his intentions (or lack thereof) from the start...he's not emotionally involved in this...only you are.