New girl needing some help

[azveganchik]

Hi everyone. I am engaged to the man that I have been with for 3 years. We got in a fight the other day because he has all this porn on his computer which I told him is fine unless it gets in the way of our relationship, or our sexual relationship. He agreed to this and things were fine. Well for the past week he has not been interested in sex even when i initiate it and I asked him if he had been looking at porn even though he didnt want to have sex with me and he said yes and that sometimes he is just too tired to have sex. So I was really upset and he told me that he was going to resent me because he deleted all of his porn off his computer. I didnt ask him to do that but he did anyway. So now he won't talk to me or look at me or anything and I dont know what to do. I am not good with not talking about problems and just letting them fester inside me. What should I do?

[OceanEyes]

I am not good with not talking about problems and just letting them fester inside me. What should I do?

 

Not let them fester, that's for sure. All that will do is create a lot of tension and resentment within yourself, and you will probably end up venting at the wrong times and towards the wrong people.

 

So I was really upset and he told me that he was going to resent me because he deleted all of his porn off his computer.

 

He's going to "resent you"? Did you actually force him to get rid of his porn? If I were you, I would ask him how he would like it if he found a whole bunch of pics and videos of naked guys on your computer.

 

I went through something similar some months back. I had never really had a problem with porn before, but I found a bunch of websites that he had visited. When I approached him about it, he apologized and I haven't seen it since. This isn't to say that he doesn't use it from time to time, but I certainly don't want to see it on my computer every day. It would give me the impression that he was some kind of pervert.

 

He will probably never give up porn completely, you do know that right? Most guys have been using it since they were teenagers, and it's not really a big deal to them. I think if he's actually going to resent you for you having a problem with it, then his porn usage is probably much bigger than you think it is. I don't think it's fair to you that he says, "I'm too tired to have sex", but can still sit in front of his computer and have enough energy to get himself off. He's being selfish.

[azveganchik]

No I didnt make him delete it. I didnt even ask him to or suggest it. He said that it was a problem with his ex and that she did make him get rid of it and I am reminding him of her (pretty sure that one was said just to get to me because he knows i have a big problem with her.) He said that he resented her for it and I said "I never asked you to get rid of it" and he said "its always going to be a problem if he didnt". I really don't mind if he watches porn...like i said I told him as long as it doesnt get out of control or hurt any aspect of our relationship then I am ok with it. This time it is. And he refuses to talk to me right now which is literally driving me crazy.