Misinterpretation of Platonic interest?

[digl]

I'm trying to figure out whether my friend is interested in friendship or something more, but it's hard because I get really mixed signals.

 

A bit of context: location southern Europe, us -different nationalities and cultures;

 

Quick profile of my friend: she's in her mid-twenties, very ambitious and hard-working, doing lots of things all the time, very honest, modest, decent and very friendly, not into macho pursuits in clubs, more into talks and getting to know each other. Seems to intimidate the macho guys in the southern country where she lives (not originally from there) with her strong character and impressive achievements.

 

My quick profile: late twenties, location independent (I can work from anywhere I want), quite an achiever, too, but not that hard working, more into enjoying life.

 

The story:

 

About a month ago I finally managed to visit my friend after not seeing each other for years. We never got to know each other that well, but stayed in touch and always talked about meeting again. Then an opportunity arose and I plan a visit to her city/country. She seemed happy and welcoming. My best friend (whom she knew, as well) joined, too and we stayed for about a week and had a very good time.

She didn't say it too directly face to face, but texted me (while at work) about how happy she was that we were visiting her and we got to do things together.

During this time I got to know her better. We didn't have much chance to talk just the two of us, but the few hours we did, we realized that each of us grew into a very similar mindset - we have almost identical ideas about life, work, experiences, travels, achievements, people, etc. Not sure what it was in her head, but I felt extremely strong chemistry at an intellectual level. I was beginning to feel attracted to my friend (only mentally, though; physically not at all, although she's really good looking - I was only acknowledging her good looks in my mind)

Then, after my best friend left (I was staying one more day) she texted me again (from work) that we connect so well, that it's a pity I was leaving the next day, that she wishes I stayed longer, that she would miss me a lot, etc. I replied in a friendly manner, that I had a really good time and I wished I could stay longer, but I was a bit puzzled.

 

She's been trying to convince me to stay for the winter (that it would be cool, we'd do lots of outdoor things together). Then, the day I leave, I tell her, that because of work I might have to change my one-month trip plans outside Europe and if I stay in Europe I need a warm place to spend the winter, so there might be a possibility. Then I broke it to her - that I would like to a lot, because I feel we really connect, and that I was glad we got to know each other better, but there is a risk if I move there and share a flat with her - that I might not see her only as a friend. She replied that you never know in life and one should be open to various options. It sounded quite clear to me, and so did the messages in the following two weeks after I left (that she misses me a lot and the one in which she was happy I decided to move back there).

So here I am, moving to her city, the same flat, she seemed really happy to have me back so one evening I talk about how good it is that we got to know each other better and how nice the strong connection we have is, to which she agreed. And then I mention that I'm not sure, but this might be something more than friendship, and asked how does she see this. She replied that on her side not really the same thing as I feel, that she doesn't know me that well, that she doesn't think she's into it, etc.

Maybe I misinterpreted the messages that were purely platonic, not sure what to say. But I find it quite strange to talk to an opposite sex friend (that in the end is not that close) like that (about missing each other, etc.), especially that she comes from a culture in which emotions are not displayed just like that. And a few days pass and again this kind of messages while she's at work - that's she's happy that I moved in with her, etc.

 

So no idea what I'm dealing here with, I'm quite puzzled.

[CeeLambrini]

I think if you were implying that you were open to becoming more than friends, she would have also agreed - if she had wanted to. The fact that she has told you that she does not feel the same way should be taken as that. There is no point dwelling on other actions that she has shown if she has already said she doesn't feel that way.

If she is hiding something, then it will come out in her own time. I think for now you should continue enjoying each others company as friends unless she tells you otherwise.