i know why we broke up but this is strange -advice please

[martyj]

ok i hope you guys can help.

 

I have been dating a girl since August who i have known for 4 years and at the weekend i totally lost the plot when drunk and ended it by text message which i know is the lowest thing. I didnt even want it to finish i just got angry and was drunk angry that arrangements kept changing and that i was waiting in at the weekend for her to come round.

 

Anyway the strange thing is we met on WEdnesday and she said she could not risk it ever happening again and that i couldnt guarantee it wouldnt but when we left each other she was in tears really crying and said for me to take care and she would call me to see how i am getting on because she really cares for me.

 

I would say that she is the nicest person i have ever been out with and since this happened i have beaten myself up as i know my behaviour has been awful.

 

I am really not like this and have never acted that way before and wonder what i can do to make this person not feel threatened by me.

 

I actually feel sick to my stomach about how i behaved and she said that she needed a break from this as it was too intense which i agree with.

 

I dont want an intense thing i would like a mellow thing

 

do you think it is too late and what should i do?

[sonjam]

If you agree that you also want to take it mellow, then respect her wishes to cool down a bit, and wait for her to contact you, when she is ready. This way, things will get better, she will have more confidence in you keeping your word, and then you can start again by taking it slow.

 

If you start calling her etc. to try and make it better, I think she will run away faster.

 

Don't do that again!

[martyj]

sonjam thanks

 

at the moment our relationship is finished and she said that she couldnt go back out of self respect but she will call me.

 

I think that she is doing this as she feels that she has to.

 

do you think her saying she will call means that she is waiting to see how i act or what i do i think firstly i need to stop drinking any more advice?

[hugoy]

A word of advise here Pal.

 

The girl i was seeing recently split from me cause i had said something to her and she felt she couldnt trust me again - she too said she needed time to think.

 

All that happened is another guy started showing some interest in her and she opted for him because then she doesnt have to go through the upset and emotion of trying to sort us out.

 

So fella, word of advise... dont wait for her to make the first move.

 

If there is a particualr issue that is the obstacle then do something about it quick but tell her or discuss with her what you are going to do. Keep her informed what you are doing and make sure she knows you are doing it for her..this will help comfort her on how much you mean to her.

 

Dont harass her with calls etc, just show some caring, some understanding and some loving. Be prepared to do a lot of kissing butt but dont let it go so far that she thinks youre not the person anymore she fell in love with!!!!

 

Good luck.

[Mentor]

sonjam thanks

 

at the moment our relationship is finished and she said that she couldnt go back out of self respect but she will call me.

 

I think that she is doing this as she feels that she has to.

 

do you think her saying she will call means that she is waiting to see how i act or what i do i think firstly i need to stop drinking any more advice?

 

I think that you should giver her the space she asked for. Cutting out the drinking would be an excellent step, if you think that you are really prepared to do it. Make sure that you are doing it for you however, not to get her back. If your motives are the latter, then you are likely to rebound if she ever does come back. She will be watching for (and expecting) this, and you would not get another chance. When she calls you you can let her know that you are taking this step to try and be a better person. There is no guarantee that it will be enough, but it is a good gesture (if sincere), and will let her know that she meant s great deal to you.