Are we in a relationship or have we become more friends?

[Sophia_Jane]

I posted a few days ago about something just not feeling right in my 4 year relationship.

 

How do I know whether my relationship has turned from being lovers to just being friends?

 

I am not happy really in my relationship. There is no fun or excitement anymore we hardly ever have sex. Well at least my boyfriend doesnt even come on to me anymore. I feel like I am trying to drag this relationship through the ground.

 

He is out with a female friend at the moment and well part of me doesnt liek it. I know they have known each other for years. But he didnt even call me to say hi he just went straight from work to meet her. When I call his phoen is not on.

 

I just dont feel that he loves me anymore in that way- surely if he was he wouldnt be able to keep his hands off me.. I get loads of attention from other men and surely that proves I am a attractive woman. I love the attention of other men as I dont think I get that at home..

 

I really dont know what to do or where to go from here.

[Metal Head]

Yeah that happens four years is along time....Maybe he is getting bored of the relationship?? looks dont really matter if your attractive it doesnt mean he will just want to have sex all the time...you guys have to try something new...He probably still loves you he might just be getting bored if you guys are always doing the same thing...And when your in a relationship....Its good to be and love and be great friends...Because it doesnt look to cool when all you do when your with your girlfriend is have sex its good to be strong friends to.

[ticklebug]

sophia -

 

in time, all relationships become "comfortable"....a routine develops and yes it feels like friendship - but there is a love and commitment there....what you are missing is the "spark" of newness...In lifelong, committed relationships, it isn't just about sex...and having hands all over you all the time....it becomes more.

 

if you feel that your sex life is not as exciting anymore...why are you putting it on him to come on to you? Why don't you take the steps to make things more creative and exciting? I'll bet you haven't even said a word to him about how complacent you feel.

[Sophia_Jane]

I understand what you guys are saying. I dont know how to get the spark back though. Especially when he doesnt seem interested. I have discussed with him before that i am not happy.

 

I make a lot of the efforts in the relstionship - but it just seems that he doesnt try to make things fun and exciting either..

[ticklebug]

but it just seems that he doesnt try to make things fun and exciting either

 

you state you don't know "how" to make things exciting...how do you know HE doesn't know "how" either???? Again, putting all the blame on him when you are just as responsible for things sexually fizzling...

 

Romantic dinner, candles, sexy evening wear, massage oil, soft music, sexual stimulation toys....jump in the shower with him in the morning...leave notes in his pocket telling him you love him...book a night at a hotel with a hot tub...things like that...

[Sophia_Jane]

I am going to have to talk to him. A lot of the things you have said I can try I have. But heck I aint giving up now- but soemtimes there has to be a poitn where you say - is this going anywhere?

[Mun]

Hi Sophia,

Listen anytime a man is taking you for granted you have fallen in a rut. Time to stop talking and do something you haven't done: Look for your own place... and let him KNOW you are looking for it.

 

If your relationship is still not beyond help then he will shape up quickly. The thing is you have to do something and mean it. Do it for yourself.

 

People take you for granted when they know you will still be right there even after they are mistreating, or neglecting you. So show them that you care about yourself and how much worth you have by pulling back a bit.

 

Good luck