She's a hard read...

[Deejmonster]

So I met a girl recently and we have been talking back and forth through text. 1 date went well already.

 

From what I have gathered, she isn't deaf but has to wear hearing aids due to a hearing impairment, she has been picked on all her life because of it, has struggled with weight issues, and pretty much has struggled with self esteem. She has been used over and over and all she wants is to be accepted by a guy.

 

She has her masters, works at Temple University, wants to get her phD, lives on her own, loves to cook, write, and read... all things that I am interested in. She is fluent in 3 languages, is very smart, and very attractive. We are hitting it off quite well, she has been kinda flirty at times, hinting to teaching me things about food and what not, so its a nice confidence booster but I sometimes really find it difficult to target her interest in me. She will talk to me but with short answers, sometimes it feels like I am pulling teeth to get answers.. as if she doesn't want to talk to me.. and there are times where she gives me one word answers and I just dont respond.. and then she will bring something random up an hour or so after being silent.

 

As a lot of people on here know, I am terrible with dating and I am also quite shy myself.. How often should I engage in conversation? When should I let it go? How do I get her to open up to me (trust me?)

[Purusha]

Hey Deej

 

One thing I would say is take her up on her offers!!! If she's unsure and you're unsure, one sure fire way to start to get to know her is to do things together.

 

Sometimes the actuality of doing things, takes the heat off of saying things, and makes the process of getting to know someone else easier. Especially if she has a hard time opening up it will take the edge off any directness in getting more information out of her - it may be more gradual, but she'll become more comfortable with you and hopefully you should see different sides to her as well.

 

It's a great sign that she's hinting at teaching you things, that you have common interests, and that she's comfortable enough with you to let you know that she is, in essence insecure.

 

Small steps hopefully should allow you to move forward with her, and hopefully as you experience things together (activities, time spent doing things of mutual interest) she will become more comfortable, conversation will be easier and you'll be able to get more of a gauge on how you feel with her and how she feels about you.

 

Best of luck to you! You seem like a great guy and I wish you all the best on this one.

[Deejmonster]

we had a date scheduled tomorrow... we have barely talked all day, she just went real cold on me today and just asked to reschedule on Thursday. Im really frustrated... I have seen this so many times before and I want to protect myself... I can't help but to think that this hot and cold stuff is just an easy way for her to disappear like so many girls before her. Right now, I have kept my composure towards her, and she has no idea how bad im freaking out.. I really want to just bail on her... what should I do guys?

[Purusha]

Hey Deej

 

To me the only real question is - are you feeling this girl?

 

If you're not (and it sounds like you're not) then move on for you, and find someone you're more compatible with. This is as much for you as it is for her, and if you've not got a flow with someone (even after working on it for a bit) it's likely not going to happen, it really shouldn't be that much hard work and should be enjoyable!

 

It's nice to have that connection, but if it's not happening sometimes you just have to accept it and move on - don't stay with someone out of default.

 

I'd usually recommend trying again, doing something interactive or whatnot, but to be honest you sound like your gut is telling you no, and I'm a big fan of following your gut so I would recommend that you do what you feel is right.

 

Why not have a chat with her and tell her how you feel and that you can't see it going anywhere and see how she responds? You don't have anything to lose and she may either open up or you might mutually decide to stop now, but at least you'd have a way forward with some knowledge about what's going on.

[732mni]

Just wanted to mention that since she has a hearing impairment, that may influence her communication style, as in brief and to the point. So I wouldnt read too much into that. Also she seems like a high achiever, so it is quite possible that she is actually busy with a bunch of stuff, (not just brushing you off).

 

It seems like most of the threads here are started by people trying to overanalyze texts, winks, smiles, etc. At some point it becomes Paralysis by Analysis. Ive found that shyness issues tend to go away when you spend more time with someone and get to know them by actually talking to them. Let it grow organically without overthinking it.

 

Hope it works out!