Advice: Don't cry around the ex

[mrd]

I'm sure this has been said before, but right now I feel particularly compelled to post this.

 

If you and your companion recently broke up, and you are going to hang out again or reinitiate contact, you have to control yourself. Do not, I repeat, do not cry or otherwise whine the entire time. Doing so will only drive your ex away.

 

I broke up with my girlfriend last week, and I had doubts about what I was doing, mainly because I have never initiated a breakup before. I can't emphasize enough how much I genuinely care for my exgirlfriend. But for the past week, she has called me numerous times crying. I've been extremely understanding thus far because I was once hurt the same way. But tonight I'm hanging out with her, and I expect the entire night to be her crying and me trying to comfort her. I understand what she's going through, and I care for her. But honestly I can only sit around trying to get her to stop crying for so long before I just don't wanna deal with it anymore. If this continues, I will probably just cut all contact altogether.

 

I should add that I was doubting the breakup from day one, and I was considering just backing down and saying I made a huge mistake. But alas, her crying has definitely changed my mind.

Hopefully whoever reads this won't think I'm a huge jerk. It hurts me that she's so hurt, and I could talk at length about how bad I feel about it. But I can't help her deal with things any better by being there when she's crying. I have no idea what to say or do, and all I can do is stay there until I can't stand it anymore.

 

In retrospect, I probably seriously messed up my chances of getting back with my ex two years ago. I constantly talked to her about how bad I felt and whined about how it was her fault and I wanted to get back together. Within a few weeks of breaking up, she wouldn't hang out with me anymore.

 

So my advice to any girls who would cry, or any guys who would incessantly whine, is pull yourself together and don't cry uncontrollably. It'll make a huge difference in how your ex perceives you. If you cry uncontrollably, I guarantee that he/she will not wanna even be around you, let alone get back together. I hope this helps.

[Holy Torture]

Yes this is so true.. I broke up with my ex a few weeks ago and she called me crying about 10-15 times a day even while i was at school.. as like you I was thinkin that the breakup was bad from day one.. But over the next few days the crying did push my away further and by day 3 I was fed up and found another girl..

 

Once that happened she go pissed and finally stopped calling until today.. today she called 5 times begging for me back and saying stuff like she was pregnant even though I had stopped the sex about 3 months ago cause she was quite frankly horrible..

[littlefeet]

hey, we all know incessant crying is annoying, but to be honest I think you are really not approaching this so maturely either. You broke up with someone and had some major reservations about doing so. Well, considering that, I am guessing perhaps she was extremely surprised and maybe your relationship was very good.

 

So maybe instead of getting annoyed with her crying and writing off your entire relationship because of it, you might want to just talk to her. Say you'd like to help but feel frustrated when she cries, because you can't do anything to help. You can even ask how to help her calm down; I know if I'm crying and someone tries to touch or hold me, then it gets worse. I have to get control of myself on my own. You could even offer to leave the room but stay nearby until she calls.

 

I know crying can also be a manipulative tool, but without knowing more about the situation, I think she's probably just extra-sensitive.

 

I'm not sure what your relationship with her was like, but my last partner was also my closest friend, so if you are. . .well, you're probably also the one she thinks of as a "crying shoulder". It will stop, but it'll stop sooner if you take the initiative to talk.

 

Hey, think of this as a lesson in learning better sensitivity to how others react and feel. It'll help you in the end, whether or not you two get back together.