Talking about failed attempts

[bettyboop401]

I'm just wondering what it means if a guy always talks about his failed love life to you? This guy I like (well one of them...there's many! hehehe! ) is always telling me of how a certain girl broke his heart or something like that. I don't mind listening but people have commented that he only talks about it mainly with me. Is there a reason guys bring this up? Is it just because he feels comfortable with me or that I listen perhaps?

 

Thanks!

 

Betty!

 

[edited cause I added something that has no relevance to the first part... hehehe! ]

[Mun]

Just a suggestion but why don't you try changing the conversation next time and talk about something that you are interested in. Don't say " I'm changing the subject" just do it and see how it goes.

 

I tend to think that when guys talk to a girl about other girls then they only see this girl as a friend and that's it. I could be wrong though, and maybe he just doesn't know how to make conversation.

 

So try changing the subject and see how that goes.

 

Love

[Mastermind]

As a male, I believe that he has an interest in you. As for his choice of conversation, I believe there are two possible choices:

 

A) He is still upset and can't get over his ex. He needs to get it out in the open so you are like his friend whom listens to what he has to say.

 

B) He is trying to force some kind of sympathy from you so that he can talk to you more.

 

However, the only person that knows the truth is himself. These are just my thoughts from previous encounters so I hope this helps you out a bit. Also, you can always try to turn the tables and change the conversation or ask him stuff as well. I've also had a friend of mine have who had to deal with this type of situation too. When she was talking to some guy who was ranting about his ex, she tried the same thing and made up a story about an ex-boyfriend who broke her heart. It's a sneaky move, but maybe his reaction will enlighten the situation a bit more.

[ducky]

I agree with Mastermind on that! He's interested in you!

Maybe it's his way of saying "Hey, I just broke up with a girl! I'm single and available now! You can consider me as a love interest!". Yeah that's what I'll mean if I ever talk to a girl about breaking up with my ex. (I don't usually talk to people about this stuff).

[bettyboop401]

Wow thanks for the advice guys. Yeh Muneca we are friends and I did think this was just a friendship exchange, yet it seems like I'm the only one he talks to about it. Again, it's probably just a comfort thing too. But as mastermind said I did get the feeling that he was after sympathy as well because he didn't bring up just his ex...but also a girl he tried to ask out and who rejected him for his other friend. Although that's why we bring up failed relationships right...for sympathy?? It just seemed weird to me because I've had a lot of guy friends and as you say ducky they rarely talk about their failed love life with me. We do talk about other things...and get along great...it's just after every failed attempt it seems I get to hear it.

 

Was just curious so thanks for all the help.

 

Betty!

[incredble]

he wants u to feel sorry for him

[bettyboop401]

Believe me I do. Except where other people find it 'sad'...I find it kinda cute too. I know...weirdness huh!

 

But this isn't 'normal' guy behaviour is it? Or is it just maybe dependant on his personality?

 

Betty!

[incredble]

dose he have friends?

... ask them lol

if he dosnt have friends its his personality maybe

[bettyboop401]

Yeh he does but this is kinda a work thing. It seems like I'm the only one in this situation he talks about this stuff with. It's fine with me. We're pretty friendly and I'm not sure if he's being overly open because in the beginning I was a little standoffish because I really did like him and didn't want him to know. He's said he noticed this and he feels comfortable with telling me this stuff. To be honest to myself though...whenever he mentions anything personal or something no-one else wants to listen...so he's probably learnt that I'm willing to listen. But as I said...I really do like this guy...we share food all the time only with each other even though other people are around and tease each other constantly. I was just wondering though if talking about failed attempts was a guy thing because I know girls do it...with other girls generally.

 

Thanks heaps!

 

Betty!

[bobster]

Hi Betty, since you helped me with my last thread I'm here to help (well I'm trying!)

 

In all honesty, If I was interested in a girl, I wouldn't confide in her (like a big sister) about failed attempts of previous relationships, simply because that to me would be like opening myself up too soon. I'd keep that stuff private until I knew her better and got to trust her, but I'd only tell her if it was appropriate. Guys do confide in people, usually both members of the opposite sex (for different opinions). I used to confide in girls that I rated way out of my legue so there was no chance of regretting things I said later.

 

The fact that he is confiding in you doesn't mean that he looks at you in a sister-like way. Perhaps he really doesn't have anything else to talk about that you might find interesting? Or yes he could be wanting the sympathy from you that he's not getting elsewhere. But he must trust you.

 

Anyway, you like this guy and want to be with him? Well that fact that he teases you and shares food with you I'd say is very positive. I have to like someone very much to do both of these things, otherwise I wouldn't bother!!! Its a pain when you really like someone and it never gets out the friends catagory!! You either chance your arm and ask him out or if thats too awkward............just talk about the weather next time he starts

 

Hope my ramble helps you in some way,

Bobster.

[Mun]

Betty,

Why don't you just tell him " I wish guys like you would ask me out" and see if he takes the bait

 

I think that's a safe way to encourage him to ask you out--without YOU doing the asking.

 

Give it a shot.

 

Love

[bettyboop401]

Hehehe...thanks bobster! I was leaning towards the 'friend confiding in friend' theory myself...although the looks he gives me when he's telling me this...like a cheeky look that he's so good at. But thanks heaps for your input.

 

There is a bit of an age difference of around 10 years between us which is why I was cautious to begin with too...but I must admit I'm a great listener. hehehe!

 

And thanks also muneca. I might throw in something like that next time too. Perhaps even 'awww well they don't know what they're missing'?? Gosh that's gonna take guts. hehehe! But by the reaction I might find out his intentions.

 

Thanks for the input everyone.

 

Betty!

[bobster]

Ah...there is about 10 years between you? right that kind of changes things a little. Don't know your age but say your 26 and he is 16 then well, erm.....don't go there!!!!

 

But if say your in your 20s and he is in his 30s then it could be that people his own age like his friends are settled down and don't want to listen to him rant on. So he could be trying to get younger by talking to you, if this makes sense??

 

Do what Muncea says and try the take the bait routine. It will take some guts but if you don't then well you'll be going down the "what if" road in the future.

 

All the Best of!!

Bobster.

 

[bettyboop401]

Thanks again bobster!

 

And yeh...it's the second option (20's and 30's)...so you could be right. He's very outgoing and loves partying...whereas I'm the opposite. He teases me that we've swapped personalities or something. But I'm happy to have him trust me enough to talk about his personal problems.

 

If I get enough courage up to throw a line at him I'll let you guys know how it went.

 

Thanks for your help.

 

Betty!