Is anyone else staying and existing in an unhappy marriage?

[lonelyandblue]

If so why? I am and it is because of my child, my financial future, and my security that I stay. But it is becoming too much. We can barely talk to each other. If we do we pretty much argue. It's gotten to a ridiculous point. Also, we hadn't had sex in a long time, we did one night and tried again the next, and he couldn't get up?? After it being so long, maybe 4 x's a month, I wouldn't think he'd have any problems?? Thanks for sharing, and letting me vent.

[thinkstoomuch]

Well, I'm not married, but I was in a failing relationship for far too long myself. Why? Well, she was living in my house and didn't have anywhere to go, and I felt terrible kicking her out. Like you, it was way more convenient to stay in the relationship than figure out what to do when it was over.

 

Your situation is more complicated, since you're married and have a kid. As far as the sex goes, i would say that's the least of your concerns. You noted that the relationship is failing. Maybe he didn't feel right having sex with the state of the marriage? Not all guys can ignore things like that... I can't.

 

Honestly, you're the only person who can decide whether it's worth it to try and save the marriage or figure out what to do if you decide its over.

[sisterlynch]

How long have you been married? Why do you think that he is having sexual trouble?

 

What are some of the other problems that you have been facing?

[theusual]

yeah, definitely sex isn't the issue. It's the problems he's having in the relationship! I know exactly where you are coming from when it comes to the marriage aspect of things! I also have a 2 year old, a house and NO JOB! It's harder with NO JOB.. believe me! Even if you wanted to "get out" where would you go?? I live so far away from everyone I know now. I just feel like I am STUCK. And for me getting a job. Forget it. Where I live, you work in a factory or work at Walmart, you can't even support yourself with that money! I'm still at the confusion state of what I want to do myself.

 

And like you, I'm at the point, were we don't talk much. I don't even sleep in the same room as him. And he keeps trying to be the man and FIX things. Which NEVER helps! Plus with the holidays, it never helps! PM me if you wanna chat sometime!

[Breea]

I stayed in a dead marriage for 14 yrs. I knew within the first 3 yrs or so that it was over, but stayed for the sake of the kids. I now know that it was a HUGE mistake! Not only did my chronic depression affect my kids in a negative manner I can now see that since I wasn't happy I wasn't as good of a mother as I think I could have been. I struggle daily with feeling guilty for my parenting and for staying and wasting everybody's time. I work to not feel guilty for my past actions/choices. Life is short! Life goes on and is much better for me today.

 

If I could offer advice it would be to learn from MY mistake. Don't waste precious years being miserable and raising your kids in an unhappy home that lacks love between mom & dad. It really is not productive! Please search your heart and soul and you will know what's right for you. Struggling financially or otherwise only makes you stronger! Good luck with your life. Enjoy it!!! -Bree

[tea]

Well, I learned this from my parents... never never ever stay in a dead marriage for the sake of children.

 

My parents did exactly just that. Do we appreciate it? Nope. Ever since I can remember my brother and I discussed who we're going to go with if they get a divorce and how they really should get a divorce ASAP. We were 8 and 6 at the time. I hated the two of them being together and always hoped they'll just give everyone a break and divorce. Never happened. never happened. thanks to them I kept thinking I'm going to fail in my marriage too and make my kids unhappy then make the stupid mistake of staying in my marriage for my kids. Well, I just changed my mind. I'm going to try to be successful, and if my marriage fails I'll be the first to get out too.

[Breea]

You're so smart, Tea!