Love and The Struggle Of The "Sweet Guy"

[WadeCure]

I posted a commentary in my web site called love and the struggle of the "sweet guy." I have been real upset about things and I wish I could have things cleared up. Especially part two, (the struggle of the sweet guy). I'm really and truly terrified of being the "sweet guy." So, here is a link to the website.

 

link removed

 

That being said, here is the full transcript of the commentary, if you prefer reading it on this board

 

 

 

 

So... yeah... Kind of long. I'm nervous about this issue.

 

Thanks everyone

[SkyFire]

The problem is, that yes, guys rely on others (girls) to fill their self esteem and give them a sense of purpose.

 

This is NOT how men are supposed to be. MEN are supposed to follow THEIR dreams, achieve goals, change the world. Men should be out there challenging themselves and the world daily.

 

I, personally, hate the fact that guys now need girls to give them a sense of purpose in life.

 

 

The sweet guys make the woman seem like she's a goddess. Most likely, she isn't even all that great. LEt me tell you something (please don't be offended): 90 % of the girls I meet, even the hot ones, are all trash. Most of them aren't worth anything to me, other than sexual favors.

 

I would never dedicate my life to a woman. I have goals and things to take care of. Even if she was a really great one, my priorities would always be on my life first and on her later.

 

 

Truth about attraction: Even though girls SAY they need a sensetive, caring, sweet guy, they still go for the more manly guys out there. Look at oyur local highschool for example: That jock football player cheats on his gf and dumps her. She fell for him so hard, she still wanted him back.

 

Then, I saw the "loving, sensetive nice guy" ask out a girl. She was a nice girl, but she rejected him. Without even thinking.

 

This "sweet guy" that you speak of is something that our society created.

 

I strongly disagree with your commentary.

[Scout]

LEt me tell you something (please don't be offended): 90 % of the girls I meet, even the hot ones, are all trash. Most of them aren't worth anything to me, other than sexual favors.

 

Hmm, you call these women trash, but most of the females you meet mean nothing to you, except sexually. What then does that make you?

[shademan]

dude , that stuff is great i'm steeling it .

[drahcir]

The problem is, that yes, guys rely on others (girls) to fill their self esteem and give them a sense of purpose.

 

---ya...i am still learning that....one really shouldn't rely on another person for thier own self esteem.

 

 

This is NOT how men are supposed to be. MEN are supposed to follow THEIR dreams, achieve goals, change the world. Men should be out there challenging themselves and the world daily.

 

---I agreee!!!!!!!

 

I, personally, hate the fact that guys now need girls to give them a sense of purpose in life.

 

 

The sweet guys make the woman seem like she's a goddess. Most likely, she isn't even all that great. LEt me tell you something (please don't be offended):

 

 

 

90 % of the girls I meet, even the hot ones, are all trash. Most of them aren't worth anything to me, other than sexual favors.

--------why are 90% of them trash? HOw about the other 10%?

 

I would never dedicate my life to a woman. I have goals and things to take care of. Even if she was a really great one, my priorities would always be on my life first and on her later.

-------i agree partially

 

Truth about attraction: Even though girls SAY they need a sensetive, caring, sweet guy, they still go for the more manly guys out there. Look at oyur local highschool for example: That jock football player cheats on his gf and dumps her. She fell for him so hard, she still wanted him back.

 

Then, I saw the "loving, sensetive nice guy" ask out a girl. She was a nice girl, but she rejected him. Without even thinking.

 

----some girls are like some guys...they are morons when it comes to dating

 

This "sweet guy" that you speak of is something that our society created.

[WadeCure]

My commentary essentially echoes what you both have said. Apparently you missed it somewhere. The only difference is you seem to believe that the "sweet guys" have low self-esteem. I will tell you this, I don't center my life around girls. Sure I deeply want a relationship. But I have priorities. But I do put people over myself willingly because, hey thats just who I am, I like making people happy. If that's a crime then lock me up. Yes girls in high school tend to go for the jock jerk type. These guys grow up into the "prick" category. The needy grow up into the "nice guy" category. The genuine grow up into the "sweet guy" category. If I'm the latter, which I think I am, I'm very proud to be a "sweet guy." I have no low self-esteem at all, I'm proud of myself for keeping true to myself and to others despite the world crashing down all around me at times.

 

I think that the basic principles of a relationship should support the sweet guy/sweet girl dynamic, as simple as that. But it doesn't. Because of attraction? To me I actually grow attracted to sweet girls, I don't just get attracted to a good looking girl, it just doesn't work like that.

 

Travis

[SkyFire]

Wade, please provide me with your definition of "sweet guy".

 

Also about the thing I said about women... I have enough honor not to use women for sex only. That is low, pathetic and desparate. It goes against my morals.

 

About the other 10 %? Well in highschool, they are the ones who are doing something with their lives. They have an existence beyond all the HS drama and all of that stuff. I still stick to my opinion that most of the girls that I meet at school/malls are worthless to me.

[Ceema-k]

SkyFire... 90% of the girls you meet may seem worthless to you. That is because you are still in highschool and all these teenage girls (and guys!) have no flippin' clue who they are as people and everyone just wants to be liked or fit in somehow.

 

Take these same girls, and jump forward 10 years, and that 90% will have fallen to a much lower percentage. Sadly, some girls (and guys!) never grow up and learn about themselves, so there will still be a few girls that you won't ever give a second look.

 

It all boils down to high school. Once you're out, it gets better

[gersanos]

I think this is appropriate under this thread.

 

I think that I am a sweet guy. Sure, I can be a jerk at times (we all can), but I see myself and have been told by many that I am generous, giving, and caring. I have a good dose of confidence and self-esteem, as well as attractive looks, and when I meet a new girl it's always the same thing: she does not just want to sleep with me, she really wants to date me/be with me. She is extremely interested, and is head over heals.

 

It's like they try to be with me so bad, but once I would like to go steady with them, is when many jump ship. I'm not sure if it's a thrill of the chase thing, or if they find they boring since we are young (im 23 now), or what it is. A couple of times it was things I did wrong, but most of the time I am told I did nothing wrong but that's it. And of course, if that is the case, I am trapped alone in my own my mind and feelings wondering what happened and how cruel can they be when I offered so much.

 

I would like to say I want to guard my heart when I meet the next girl. Do not just give it over so freely, even if it does feel right and I am just going with the flow of things. Make her earn it slowly over time. But, I usually go with what feels right at the time. If I do that, then I have gotten burned. I can't make sense of this at all. I just am sick of dating around. I've dated plenty of girls so far, and want something steady but just can't find that with anyone, even though they say they want that as well when they meet me.

[Ceema-k]

WadeCure.. i had a chance to read more of your essay about Sweet Guys. I couldn't shake the feeling that you have a very low opinion of most guys and you don't give them the benefit of the doubt.

 

This sentiment is summarized in your categorization of guys. First you have the jerks/bad boys, who are jerks. Then you have the "nice guys", who are also jerks. Then you seem to have created a third, special category for yourself, which is the "sweet guy". the ideal model of generosity and selflessness.

 

So all guys are jerks with girls except for you. I admit to feeling that way sometimes too! But try as i might, I can't really say i fall under your definition of the sweet guy.. and I definitely don't fall under your "nice guy" banner either.

 

When you get right down to it, no one is so self-sacrificing. I know there are people who would give their lives to protect their loved ones, such as their spouse or children. But let's think of the motivations that brought these relationships into being in the first place. ack..I'd get into it more, but i fear it would branch out into a whole nutha topic altogether.

 

My whole point is, no man can be this sweet guy you speak of. it's against human nature.

[Shinobie]

I got to agree with skyfire on one thing though.Like in high school like 90 percent of girls are mixed up in this soap opera crap and go by mostly looks.As too like 90 percent of guys are into this drama crap and go by looks too.ONly like 10 percent of people at high schools are not that shallow.Well it seems like in life if your ugly like me u cant get a girlfriend becase women wouldnt want to date some stupid ugly fool.As too if your an ugly girl and u have to be pretty bad because most girls get bf's a lot easier then guys.If your ugly you lose.And by what?The bad luck of being created ugly.I hate how hot people think they are so special whenever they did nothing for their looks NOTHING AT All.LIke i have said before but o they feel special because they are hot 0o0o0o0o.Well im ugly and i lose as to with my fellow ugly breatheren

 

Have a nice day!

[gersanos]

Agreed with the shallowness about high school. I was that way as a guy, the majority of guys at my high school were that way, and the majority of girls were that way.

 

In college, much of it is the same, but that's when my priorities began to change with girls/relationships, and I know that there were quite of few people that were "grown up" and not shallow, but still, the majority are.

 

Now I'm in grad school and it's much of the same. Could just be the people I'm surrounded with. I can still be "shallow" at times according to some peoples definition, but it's just a matter of going through life experiences and growing up, for me at least. Some people never really do grow up though.