friendship and lies-is it worth keeping?

[sararockford]

I have a male friend who I have known for a little over a year. We get along really well and really seem to enjoy each other's company. The problem is, he has a lying problem. He is fairly passive aggressive and instead of having any form of confrontation or saying something I might not want to hear, he simply lies to me. I have called him on a couple of the blatant lies....but he vehemently denies the lying. Confronting him only makes things worse and very tense. The tension eventually fades because we both ignore the problems. He can be such a good friend at times...it is just those moment of weirdness and lies that really confuse me. I am not sure if the friendship is worth ignoring the lies???

[sararockford]

at first, his lies were clearly because they did not want me to lose respect for him, but the lying has progressed. essentially, the lie I do not want to confront him about concerns vacation plans. I asked this person to take a trip over Christmas as we are both living far from home and he lied a number of times about his plans. Instead of telling me he simply didn't want to travel with me (but still wanted to go abroad), he has lied and told me he is going home. I see this person on an almost daily basis. We email or talk to each other everyday. On a day to day basis, he is a great friend, but he doesn't seem to acknowledge that we are friends outside of a certain sphere. It makes me feel pretty used and I am not sure whether I should continue this friendship on a certain level (very shallow)...confront the person and let the cards fall where they may...or simply walk away from it entirely.

[DBL]

I have a friend who's every sentence is a lie. No joke. He lies just to lie. It started off as just regualar lies. Now I don't even speak to him because everything out of his mouth is a lie. He is a habitual liar.

 

I have two other friends that lie, but they just lie because they want to impress me. That stuff doesn't bother me too much. But if lies are getting to the point where they can endanger you or affect your life...then you need to cut them off...which was the case of the friend I mentioned above. I used to babysit my friends kids over night and have to get to work in the morning because of his job. Then I find out he never had a job and was just out getting drunk.

 

DBL

[Feng]

Your male friend reminds me so much of my ex that it's scary. My ex hates to be wrong and is incredibly stubborn. thereforeeee, whenever I proved him wrong, he would lie by saying a statistic that wasn't true to back himself up and things like that. For God's sake, he argued with my about the color of my sweatshirt! Then he justified his view that it was "bluish green" because his mom is an artist so he would know!

 

It got to the point that we were arguing almost every day, and he started lying to my friends about what I was saying and lying to me about what they were saying. One of my friends felt that we weren't spending enough time together and she wished that we could do something as in anything after school or on the weekends. But he turned around and told me that she wanted to go to this specific place and insisted that she said that. I talked to my friend and she said she didn't want to go there, just go anywhere.

 

Another time he thought I had a crush on this other guy, so he started giving me the deep, dark history of that guy! He started badmouthing this guy (who I didn't even have a crush on) just so that I wouldn't like him!

 

Confrontations with him were awful. He would lie some more, but if I could post things he or someone else said to prove him wrong, he would get angry and try to bring up the things I've done wrong before. We had a big blowout right before Christmas last year and I haven't said a word to him since.

 

So, personally, I think you should maybe confront your friend one last time, but definitely think about cutting it off.

[OceanEyes]

I was friends with a girl for about a year who was also, a habitual liar. At first when I knew she was lying, I wouldn't say anything. But after a while, I got so annoyed that I started calling her on her lies. It got to the point that I would stop listening every time she told me a story. So, I understand how it feels. I couldn't remain friends with this girl. She was a very dishonest person not only with me, but with most people in her life.

 

Doesn't it make you feel insulted and disrespected when he lies? I'll bet he lies about stupid little things too that you could care less about. And why not? Most liars do.

 

Sorry to say, but it's been my experience that with habitual liars, it is an 'addiction' or a way of life for them, and they simply cannot stop. This guy sounds like he probably lies so naturally that he doesn't even feel bad afterwards. Maybe he even believes his own lies?

 

I'd slowly cut him off. You never know when he might tell you a serious lie that could harm you or someone else.