do you think this would be ok?

[justme123]

Christmas is coming up soon. I haven't spoken to my ex in about two months or so. I don't know what she's doing or how she is and I'd like to, but I know that trying to talk to her has just pushed her further away.

Anyways, what I was wondering is if it would be ok to send her something on Christmas. I was thinking to send her a really nice sweatshirt of mine that she would borrow from me for a very long time and only gave it back recently before we broke up. I just tried it on not long ago and she seems to have adjusted it in some way that it now feels girly on me to wear. I don't know if this would be a bad thing to give her. I don't think she would be uncomfortable having one of my sweatshirts because she kept one of mine that wasn't quite as nice when we broke up. So anyways I don't think I'll wear it anymore and I know she liked it, so would it be ok to give her that as a gift? Or would she see it in some way that wouldn't be so great?

I'm also planning to send her a picture of her that belongs to her that I kept when we broke up. She asked for it back then but I didn't give it back, so I'd like to give that back as well.

So besides whether that are ok gifts, is it even ok to send gifts at all since we are broken up? Would she just see it as me trying to manipulate or her or something of that nature? I figure it would be a nice way to let her know I still think about her and without having to try to initiate any communication with her, which previously has just pushed her away further and further.

Thanks for any responses!

[AngelOfDarknes]

hehehe...the shirt thing is a bad idea,dont send it , if you want to send somthing then just send her flowers just to show u care, nothing old .somthing new.....

[atlas]

I don't know, it seems really nice. It is something you know she already likes and you, obviously, are trying to do something to make her remember you. That would do the trick. I would be wary of making the mistakes that I seem to be making which is to try and parlay that into something else. Maybe just send it to her and leave it at that hoping she will call and fill you in.

[justme123]

Thanks for the responses.

 

Angel, why do you think the shirt is a bad idea?

 

atlas, my idea is to leave it at that. I would send her the sweatshirt and picture with a note or card or something just saying merry christmas hope you're doing well and she can contact me if she chooses.

[LearningProcess]

i think the shirt is too strong of a sedimental attachment. i would send a card and some flowers. maybe an inexpensive gift

[ReadyorNot]

Its nice that you want to send her something for Christmas.. and I dont know how things left off with you two... I dont know how she is feeling about you right now.. but its something I would do and I see it as not a good idea... I cant even explain it really.... just wouldnt make you look good....

[iceesnowbubble]

I say send the sweatshirt.

[Cadence308]

Go ahead and send the sweatshirt with a card and the pic. In the card I would tell her that you know that she liked that particular sweatshirt and you don't wear it any more, you hope she's doing well, and Merry Christmas, and leave it at that. You already said she's not talking to you, so what can happen that's worse than that at this point?

[justme123]

Thanks for all the responses!

 

Learning, I agree that it has sentimental attachment, but why would that be a bad thing? I don't think I'd want to send something impersonal like flowers.

 

Ready, things left off when I stopped calling her because it was just me trying to make contact. How do you think it would make me look to send the sweatshirt/picture? because I don't want to look badly.

 

icee, I want to, I just want to be sure it's not a terribly bad idea.

 

Ballys, that's basically what I'm planning to do. I agree that it can't get much worse either way, but I wouldn't want her to see it as manipulation or anything.

[AngelOfDarknes]

i think its a bad idea cause u two brokeup and giveing her that shirt will just bring back the memorys, and she will get upset, if my ex send me his shirt i would think his trying to get me back and i would get mad.......just send her some pink roses that to show u still care and that u still like her and want to be friends.....take it slow....if u want her back or even being friends.

[justme123]

Okay, I was planning to give her the sweatshirt for Christmas, but it didn't work out that way. It's the week before Christmas and I have been getting everything packed to move accross the country and back home. She lives accross the street from me currently, but I will be 3000 miles away come this weekend. I found a few random items in my stuff as I went through it that belonged to her. So I called her up.

I haven't spoken/seen her in a few months, so I thought about it for a while before I actually called her. I guess I wanted to see her and say goodbye before I left, since there's the chance I may never see her again after I leave.

I told her I had a few of her things and she agreed to come outside and meet me. I went over there and gave her the stuff that was hers. Then I took out the sweatshirt and asked if she wanted it since I don't wear it anymore. She said yes and took it almost right away, she seemed to really want to have it and everything.

After that we just talked a few minutes. She said it felt a little awkward, which is understandable since we were so close and hadn't seen each other in so long. She told me a little bit about what is going on in her life and that she is doing good.

The whole meeting only lasted about five minutes I think, although it seemed longer than that. At the end, she came to me for a hug and I hugged her for a while. Then said goodbye and she told me to call her sometime and I said okay.

 

So, I don't know. I feel pretty good about the whole thing. I don't think I should read too much into all the things she said/did, but I'd love to hear some people's opinions about her reaction and if any of the stuff she said means anything. I'd like to think there is a possibilty for us in the future and that I just have to leave it up to fate to make it happen.

I said okay when she told me to call her sometime, so I figure I will give her a call on Christmas since it's coming up soon, and wish her happy holidays and see how that goes and if we will talk more after that. Unless someone really thinks I should call her sooner than that?

Well, pretty much any advice is welcomed and appreciated. I thank anyone who takes the time to listen to me and give me their advice.

Thanks. -justme

[JohnnyTable]

At the risk of sounding negative-

 

Throw the sweatshirt away. You guys broke up and you don't need it anymore.

 

Either:

 

a) send nothing

b) send a card. no flowers

 

Look at it from her point of view. Anything you do could appear as confusing or manipulation.

 

It is unlikely that she will just "think" that you don't care anymore. It is more likely that she will "wonder" if you care anymore. If you send her stuff, she does not have to wonder because she will know that you care.

[justme123]

Thanks for the response, Johnny. You might have missed my latest update on this post, but I actually did already give her the sweatshirt, before Christmas and in person... if you read my latest post, I'd love to hear your advice in regards to the current situation. Thanks again, -justme

[JohnnyTable]

Oh, sorry about that.

 

In your situation, meeting her in person accross the street to return stuff of hers, it was fine to give her the sweatshirt IMHO. This does not look like manipulation and more like, "you can have it if you want it, I don't wear it." Nice job.

 

My point before was about making a specific effort to give her the shirt.

 

I don't think that I would call her for awhile, not even at x-mas to be honest. Things take a LONG LONG time to process in my opinion and a few days or weeks is literally nothing.

 

Her response sounded normal and thereforeee I would not read anything into it. You guys were close, of course she does not want that to go away completely and she still likes getting a hug from you.

 

The good news is that you are moving on by getting rid of her stuff. I think that people undervalue how important this is. I am hardcore about it-delete all e-mails, voice mails, phone numbers, anything with her name, etc. You don't have to be doing it out of hate, just out of common sense desire to get your sanity back.

[justme123]

Thanks for responding again. She told me to call her "sometime", which could mean a lot of things. You don't think it would be wise to call her up on Christmas to wish her well? Because that is what I'm leaning towards right now.

Up until today I hadn't spoken to her at all in about two months. We've been broken up for about three. Previously it was left at a sort of don't call me I'll call you type of situation. But she didn't call me, so there was no communication. So her telling me to call her sometime is a change from what it was before.

I still have some things though. I have her phone numbers out here and back home in my phone, and her addresses, etc. I also have a small box of purely sentimental items, which I would be hard pressed to get rid of right now as I am still attached to them, also pictures of her, some of just her, some her and me, and also some when she was very young. Of course I still haven't given up hope of reuniting, even though it seems to be a far off hope at this time.

I've been doing okay, it's just that going through all my stuff brought back all my old memories and everything. Although I've accepted that we are no longer together, I am not ready to move on yet.

I do want to talk to her again, that's why I was planning on calling on Christmas, because it gives me an excuse to call her up without it seeming out of place or whatever.

Even though I will make my own decisions, I find it extrememly helpful to hear peoples responses to my situation and am able to get a much better perspective that way.

Thanks again for responding, and I hope to hear more advice if anyone has any to give. -justme