You wont believe this one

[SadBlueEyes]

Well, I think you all remember me as the OW who was involved with the married trooper with the motorcycle. Well, tonite, I was on the computer and saw he was online, but an away message was on, so I sent him a hello, and I get an IM back, "When will I see you", and right away I thought this was strange. Then he started asking questions about the last time we saw each other, and what we did, and then I knew right away that this was NOT him. So I come to find out, its some girl who wants to know who I am, and that he is NOT MARRIED. and how long have I been seeing him and how old am I, and I completley freak out. What the hell is going on here, he is not married. Then she shuts the computer off, and I am left hanging???? Now, I am even more pissed and more confused aboaut this situation. Any ideas?

[Empathy]

Did you answer ANY of these questions? If so, what did you say? How did you find out it was another woman? Do you think you could walk us through the conversation?

[SadBlueEyes]

Sure, it was pretty simple. The way he said hi, was different. He normally said Hi Linda, How are you, and this person said hey, whats going on? First clue, then he said, "so how long has it been since I have seen you, refresh my memory". and I said you dont remember?

Then he said "so what did we do, sweetheart?" And I knew right away this was not him, he never called me any kind of love names like that.

So I said, "how do I know this is you?" and he said " its me, baby, who else could it be" then I said "what did we see on our last ride" and she comes back "Oh, you mean motorcycle ride? And I was sure then, so I said, "no this is not you "

There was a pause, and then she came back and said, "Yes, your right, this is not him, and where did you meet him and how long have you been seeing him, and are you married, and how old are you.

 

Then I was floored, shes asking me these questions, and now he is not married. She comes back, "I am at his house and he is not married" And if he was, why would you be seeing him, and my name is Lisa"

whats yours? But I didnt tell her, and said, are you sure we are talking about the same guy? I said check his profile, is that him. Then she comes back, yes, he is standing next to his house and his motorcycle. Then she says, what name did he give you" and I told her the same name that is on the profile and that it does say he is married on the profile, so I asked her what kind of game she was playing, and then she signed off.

 

I cannot imagine a guy saying he was MARRIED to get into an affair, I know they said they are NOT married. What does everyone think of this senario? Pretty weird, huh. No messages or email from him today, I wonder if she confronted him when he got home from work?

[Mun]

Hi Sadblueyes,

I just want to say that it could be ANYONE behind that computer screen. It could even be a kid.. an nosy niece.. anyone. So be careful.

 

I do think the fact she told you he is single is strange. She might be playing with you. Or he could have said he was married so that you would never expect more. Don't know.

 

I think that this relationship is done either way... so do you really want to open up old wounds? I understand that you would feel like he made a fool of you-- I would too...

 

So I ask you... what is it that you want to happen now?

[SadBlueEyes]

Well, I stand corrected from my earlier posts. The woman I was talking to online last nite about my MM was his WIFE. He stopped by my house today to ask me what was said, because it appears his wife went online when he was home sleeping, and started questioning me. Then she woke him up and confronted him about this. So he came here to see exactly what I said to her.

 

Silly, me because I am so in love with him, I helped him get a story straight about us, and gave him advice on how to handle this. He does not know what she is going to do at this point. I told him not to confess to anything.

 

I know I am the fool, but I do love him. It seems that he left the computer on last night for some unknown reason, something he very rarely does. So I told him that he might have wanted to be caught, subconsciously.

 

And I am hoping that I am right, and he wants me, but doesnt know how to get out of this. I will keep everyone updated.

[Empathy]

Do you think it is possible that you are reaching the point of obsession? It almost appears that way to me.

[Amethyst]

And I am hoping that I am right, and he wants me, but doesnt know how to get out of this. I will keep everyone updated.

 

I'm sorry, but if he truly cared about you and wanted to be with you then he *WOULD* be with you. He wouldn't have to be a rocket scientist to figure out how to get out of his marriage. The simple term for it is "divorce".

 

Think of it from his point of view: he has the excitement of a romance / dating relationship (you) PLUS the security of having someone to come home to, eat dinner with, etc. (his wife).

 

He's trying to have his cake and eat it, too; and, you, my dear, are the frosting on top.

[Cadence308]

I agree with Amethyst. This guy has the best of both worlds. Are you sure you want to continue on in this affair. Obviously, his wife has issues if she's telling you they are not married. And this guy is still married to her and playing with you on the side.

 

I think you can do better by finding someone emotionally and physically available. I would break things off. This doesn't sound good.

[Mun]

Well Sadblueyes, now it looks like he has you helping him to save his marriage by coming up with a story for her. I know I said this before: The one losing here is you.

 

I say walk away fast, if possible RUN. He is only thinking of himself, obviously, and you will be left out in the cold. I'm sorry I know you love him but you must ALWAYS love yourself more.

 

There will be other men, he is not the only one ( my mother always says that..hmmm ) keep your head high and your high heels on.

 

Love

[Cadence308]

Muneca is right. You are not in a good situation and that was not smart of you to help him save his marriage.

 

Get out, RUN!

[SadBlueEyes]

I know she is right, its just so darn hard to run away from someone you are in love with. Its like the moth to the flame, you know you will get burned but you go towards it anyway......

[sidiot]

Obviously she was fishing when you send the hello to him. Now that she suspects something I am sure there will be plenty of fireworks going on at his house. He is married, leave him alone to see if he can work things out with his wife. Do you really want to break up the guys marriage????

[striderhiryu81]

Hi Linda,

 

Well first off let me relate to you a strange thing about women. You ladies tend to want what you cannot have! By saying that he is married he just ripened that forbidden fruit. Why would his wife say that he was single? Maybe she was just trying to get more info out of you fearing that you would clam up if she confirmed the marriage. And how did you find out that it was his WIFE? Did he tell you that? Come on now....

 

My girlfriend's (soon to be EX g/f...see my topic " I think she will cheat again") friend once told me that my g/f has a thing for guys that are taken. Apparently the fact that a guy is successful with a woman, making her happy, keeping her happy, makes him that much more attractive to her. Its the same reason that girls go for the jerk in high school, he's confident (actually he's c0cky but they don't know the difference) and confidence is attractive, plus some woman wants to be with him so other women want to know whats so special...or at least feel special that he's interested in them too..instead of that pesky wife. or girlfriend.

 

Ok i'm veering off topic i think. Anyways, I THINK that this guy might be lying to you still and of course you are eating it up. Maybe he really is married, but perhaps its just some other girl he's seeing that got on his computer. Didnt she say that he was standing next to "his house" ? A wife would have said "our house". Just something to think about. As to why he is doing it I don't know. The main thing is that he is two-timing to some degree. I have no patience for cheaters ( except my own haha, I have to dump her tomorrow) and thats what he is if he's married. If he isnt married then he's a liar. Either one is bad for you.

[SadBlueEyes]

Dear Strider

You hit it correct with a few of the comments you posted on the reply. First let me clear up the fact that I knew he was married when I first met him, and it was only platonic then. He has an aol profile that also said he was married and all the times I had spent with him, he made numerous references to the 27 years he had been married. But during the IMing when SHE was talking to me, she made the comment "he is standing mext to his pearl white harley next to THE HOUSE, neither his house or our house. I dont believe she wanted me to know she was his wife. He told me the following day, he is a state trooper. And the look on his face told me that it was his wife I had been talking to. And yes, he was a liar, but I always believed he lied only to her, not me. I know, stupid and all. And he said he never cheated on his wife, he still probably doesnt believe he cheated because we didnt have actual intercourse. Just his thinking, not mine. To me, cheating can be as simple as kissing another woman...

So there you have it, I messed up and at my age, I should have known better........

[striderhiryu81]

know she is right, its just so darn hard to run away from someone you are in love with. Its like the moth to the flame, you know you will get burned but you go towards it anyway......

 

Well, I'm very sorry that you have to go through something like this. I feel for you as I was(more accurately, am currently) seeing a two-timer as well... she should be home tonight or tomorrow morning and I have to end it then...hopefully I will be strong. And hopefully for you also those blinders will come off soon enough so the hurt can end. How are you doing? Glad to hear you admit your errors and start to move on. I'm sure he wants to concentrate on his marriage now. The thing is, even though you feel/felt strongly for him, he either needs to work it out with her or deserves to be alone. He bet "double or nothing" after all...