getting over him, but i need him

[rangergurl2]

Hey everyone,

 

Here's my initial story: link removed But now it's taken a turn for the worse.

 

Last Thursday, we had a 2.5 hour discussion which I got very angry and after which I initiated no contact. I really want to apologize to him because I really was a complete jerk. Some day I want to be friends with him, but I acknowledge that right now I just can't. However, I don't want him to hate me because of how rude I was last week.

 

I finally thought I was getting over him. I put all his stuff away in the back of the closet, forced myself not to call him, and even took his IM name off my list and haven't added it back on to look at it in the past two days. I went to see a psychologist to get some help.

 

Everything was going well until Monday afternoon. I had been going through some personal medical stuff since August. Needless to say, he knew about the start of it. They found abnormal cells that could or could not be cancer and next Monday I have to go in and get a biopsy. Next Monday is also the night that I have to go to work teaching and see him.

 

He doesn't know the new results of the test that I got and he doesn't know that I have more tests next monday. I had told our mutual friend what is going on with me and she'll probably tell him. The thing is he has some medical problems that were going on with him when he broke up with me and I only found out through her. And it seems kinda bad, but part of me wanted everything to turn out fine with me and another part of me wanted the test results to turn out bad, not to get back with him, but to hurt him. To say, ha, you weren't there when I needed you. Is that crazy?

 

So, my question is should I apologize? Should I let him know what is going on with these tests? It just hurts more to be uncertian with all this medical stuff and not have him here to rely on. Help!

[sbrew21]

well you definitely need to tell him what is going on with the test. Just to make you feel a little bit better, almost 85% of women have HPV so don't feel like you are the only one. Anyway, he needs to know so he can get tested and treated too. Afterwards you should probably not have any contact with him. Its easier to get over them and let the go a little bit better. You will be ok. Just keep your head up.

[fantasia2004]

a man cannot fully know for sure that he has hpv

[sad7gurl14]

Dont sat sorry...Yeah i know you guys were going out for a while and when all this comes to an end he will be the one beggin you to go back with him...Now im not gonna promise you that that's gonna happen...but ...if you think and think about that happening then it will help you soo much to get over him ...i had some problems with a guy too and i had been with him for 2 yrs...and we werent even going out ...

but needless to say ...it was really hard to get over him and im still in the prosess..give your self some time ...and keep your self acttive and you'll be fine..remember when you get the urge to call him ...or even go over to him house ..Do something insead....Go places meet different people ..in no time you'll be over him!

 

And another thing ...i know people ahve said this to you over and over again....but trust everyone around you ...they know how it is ...and they most likely went though it too!

 

i hope everything goes good foe you.....Good luck with the test results!!

 

link removed

[rangergurl2]

Well, I did contact him tonight to tell him about the test results, since they concern him as well. I asked him to come over and he said that he would, however he got a fire call and couldn't make it. I called him later on and we talked for like 20 minutes. It was very civil and it was just like friends. Just like before we were going out. We didn't talk relationships, or anything like that. It was all just what was going on in our lives. It was very consoling to know that we can get over this and that he doesn't hate me.

 

I did write a letter which I will give to him next week. It states my feelings now and apologizes for being a complete jerk on the phone last week. It also states that I still think he's a great guy that is destined for good things and it ends with saying that the times we had were fun, but they are past us and I hope a friendship can still ensue. It is a well thought out letter. It's not a letter to try and get him back, but something to state my feelings so I can get closure over the relationship. I wanted to make sure that it couldn't be misconstrued, so I had other people read it. And they agree that it is a good letter.

 

Anyway, this is the most current update and I think it was very productive.

[sbrew21]

You have to do what makes you feels right. I wrote my ex a letter too and it gave me the closure. Now I don't talk to him but I did get clousre which makes it a little easier to move on. Just don't have any expectations you know.

[vze4p6c2]

well, I think you have to tell him what is going on, and you really can't do anything else but Apologize. I mean if you don;t want to rip the relationships with him completely.

[rangergurl2]

Well, On Monday I gave the letter to him. We worked together teaching and I told him that I wanted to thank him for showing me what love is and that the letter is not a chance or ploy to get back together with him, but a way to help me get closure. Also I told him that I hope that someday someone makes him as happy as he made me.

 

Anyway, he acted the exact same way he acted towards me the last time we taught. He couldn't look at me and looked sad every time he did make eye contact. Also, we haven't told many people that we've broken up. I'd rather let him do it (with our mutual friends) than me. Well, this one guy was partnered with him on Monday and asked him why he was acting all weird around me. My ex said that we're separated.

 

This friend told me after class when a couple of friends and I went out for some post class destressing. What does we've separated mean? Why wouldn't you say I broke up with her? Also, why does he talk normally to me on the phone, but won't even look at me and act weird around me in person? Why is he being such an idiot? I'm back on no contact until we teach again in two weeks. Then it will be very minimal contact unless he initates it, because I really need to get over him.

 

If there's anyone out there who knows the answers to these questions, let me know, cause I am confused.

[vze4p6c2]

Well, You really have to talk to him about how u feel, and what happened to your relationships... So its your decision to make... Luck.