Have an ear? Lonely and confused

[Butterfly641]

Hello everyone. I've been reading so many of these posts and feel that I can somehow relate.

My boyfriend of 3 and half yrs broke up with me a month ago without a complete explanation. It happened so suddenly and till this day I don't know what exactly happened. We're both in our late 20s and really focused on our careers. We've been so supportive of each other and have planned a future together. All he told me was that he needs time away from me and needs to figure out what he wants in his life. He also told me he was still in love with me. He thought NC would be the best way to do things.

Our mutual friends tell me (because they've talked to him about it) say that he probably wants to "experience other women".

 

I'm angry confused depressed - you name it. I've tried to look back at the months preceding the breakup to look for any signs - but I can't seem to find any. He was wonderful, understanding, and kind. Even up to the point of breakup, he would send me emails telling me how wonderful I was and happy he was to have someone so great in his life.

 

I've tried to meet w/him and talk things out, but he seems convinced that I'm not "good for him" although it has "nothing to do with me". He's never done anything like this before, he was always so emotionally stable and now all I'm left with this is this huge void in my life. He also insists that NC is the best way to get over me and doesn't want to talk to me for at least a few months.

In all this confusion, I'm trying to get over him. But how do you get over someone whose never hurt you except to break up with you? Part of me wants to completely understand whats going on w/him but I don't think he even knows. So all I'm left with is trying to get over him. Where do I go from here?

[trishcollins]

I really feel for you. It's very hard when we are left without an explanation. But to be honest, even when we get one, it isn't enough. Anyway, I digress.

 

It seems to me that what you need to do is give him his space. He has made it very clear that he needs time to work through some things, and that having you around is not good for him (his words). So, the only thing you can do is work on yourself. I know this is hard, and believe me, it will take some time, but try and keep yourself busy and focus on yourself. N/C is also to help us heal and to help us work on ourselves.

 

In time, when you feel stronger, you may want to contact him and try to meet with him to get some answers, but right now he is not receptive to that, and it might just push him further away.

 

I am very sorry you have to go through this. I am not sure what else to tell you, except in time, it will get better.

[tiger_lilies]

Please don't take this the wrong way...I really am not trying to be mean...but maybe he cheated on you and no one knows about it?

I only bring this up because it's the first thought that came to my mind when reading your post.

 

If he broke up with you for no real reason except that he needs space..well, it could very well be cheating or that he wants to "see who else is out there for him".

[2rublueeyes21]

I was in the same situation..in the same actually! Was with this guy for 6 years. He left me..no reason whatsoever. He left me with my mouth wide open. Like, "what the heck did I do?" you know. He still has no reason. People say they think he had someone on the side. I don't know, I really don't care anymore. But I do feel your pain hun. I want you to know that you should stay away from him and let yourself heal and find out what you want. You know what i mean? That is what I am doing. It's been a month now without him..wihtout seeing or talking. It gets better. Good luck to you.

[Butterfly641]

Hi thank you for replying. It did cross my mind that there may be "other women". It makes me sick just thinking about it. I don't think he's cheated...maybe I'm just too naive.

 

I'm trying to focus on myself - on my work, hobbies etc. but its so hard. I feel like I've been emotionally run over. I keep my cell phone on me and check my email so many times a day just to see if he's tried to contact me. I think the hardest thing about this is that I'm feel so needy and emotional and he's acting so "strong" and so convinced.

[2rublueeyes21]

i'm sorry about your pain. Like I said I know how you feel. This happened to me a month ago as well. It's hard. It's like "where do i go from here?" I know...believe me. I changed my cell phone..I completely told myself to move on. I am doing just that too. You should also. You have to move on. Life is too short to dwell on the past. That is also what I tell myself. You should IM me, we should talk.