Broke up 2 months ago. Still live together.

[El3216]

This is a very long story but I'm going to do my best to sum it up.

 

My ex and I have been together since 2010. We moved in together fall 2012.

 

We broke up feb 2013.

 

We have broken up a couple of times over the last few years but never for more then a few days. I love her with all of my heart and know we have issues we need to work out and I was always willing ( or thought I was) willing to fix it.

 

Example of issues: arguing over small stuff. Her snapping at me for something that I thought was small ( toilet seat) ect ect.

 

She always said we needed to communicate better and I agreed with her but I didn't know how. This last break up she said we need to separate and work on our elves. She said that we don't love ourselves so we can't really love each other. I cannot deny that.. I know I lost alot of self confidence because I gained 30+ lbs since we were together and constantly complained about it and never did anything about it. We lost our sex life a while back and that frustrated me ofcourse. All of these things started piling up and we both resented each other and eventually it blew up. She began to thing I didn't hold her high on my list of priorities and this made things worse.

 

Since then I've confronted her a few times telling her that I want to be together and work it out and her response is : we can't! We always do this and I don't want to be a on and off couple! I don't want to get a divorce if we get married.

 

Since we broke up I feel like I've done so much educate myself on our relationship. I've read books, I've gone to counseling and I've really tried to communicate with her. At this point it's just to late. She is moving out in 2 weeks and I am dreading it.

 

I am doing my best not to be crazy and attached, trying to respect her wishes and give her space. She told me she loves me but sad I should have fought for this a year ago and not now.

 

I am going crazy thinking about all of the things I could have done to make things better! At this point I think I have accepted that she will be leaving and she will no longer be my girlfriend and best friend.

 

---

 

After she leaves I am planning on NC. I want to continue working out and getting my self esteem back. I want to do this for myself but I still feel like my ultimate goal is to win her back.

 

I truly feel like I am equipped with the skills and knowledges to communicate effectively with her and speak in her love language. I am just terrified that she will never be willing to give us another shot.

 

I am past the extreme depression phase but I still am sad most of the day and constantly think about her.

 

Seeing her everyday and trying to be casual and act normal is so hard.

 

I hope some of you can give me some words of encouragement or advice.

 

Thank you

[Nightdriver]

sounds like you're doing a good job bettering yourself. Is she doing anything to better herself as well?

[stargirl1993]

This is the hardest part. Watching someone you love deeply go is one of the worst things to go through. It's painful to watch a life that you built together come to an end so quickly.

 

Take your time. Grieve the loss. Accept what happened. Love yourself. Work on yourself. You deserve to feel self fulfilled. When you truly love yourself then you'll be able to give yourself 100% to someone else. Until then, do the things that make you happy. You deserve to be happy.

[El3216]

sounds like you're doing a good job bettering yourself. Is she doing anything to better herself as well?

 

She started to get unhappy with her body. So she's been doing a cleanse.. She's also trying to get a promotion at work.. She's been declined a few times so that was really hard on her.

 

She also is about to get her masters so that was hard on her as well.

 

We currently have the same job.. ( different locations) but I stopped school temporarily.

 

I want to go back. And probably will.

 

We are both 25 btw