So it's finally over

[Switch187]

Well after 2 weeks of constant confusion my g/f (now ex) and I decided to just end it all. We were together for 2 years, and during the past 2 weeks we have both been going through some confusing things (the whole story is in this thread link removed ) and yesterday I was kinda just fed up with the whole situation. It was my B-Day, and after I got back from snowboarding, me and her were going to go to a friends party and hang out. When I got home though I called her, and told her that some stuff was on my mind. Although I was upset at something I shouldn't have been (miss heard some information) she said she really wanted to come give me my B-Day gifts, and then we could just talk in person. The party was also cancled so she was going to hang out with her friend at her house afterwards, so we wanted to see me for a bit. So we hung out for a bit, I opened gifts, we all talked for a bit, then I told her we should go to the other room to talk. When we sat down I told her that I felt more confused now then ever before. I felt like I was putting in all kinds of effort trying to be "just friends" while working on our relationship, and I felt like she didn't want to put in that same effort. She said that she does see a relationship between us in the future, but right now she really doesn't want that. She also said that we rushed into being friends after the break up, and that we both didn't get enough time to really figure out things, and it's making her confused too. So we talked some more, and then it pretty much ended with both of us wanting no contanct from now on, and that we both are going to just move on and live life without the other person, and just see what time does. We walked out to her car, she told me to never forget that she loves me, and that she didn't break up with me because something is wrong with me, it's just she needs to grow up. She also started to say that she wanted me to just go out and enjoy life as well, and that she's going to do the same. She also mentioned that although she does want to go out and meet new people, she doesn't intend on getting intimate or anything like that with anyone, she just want's to figure out what she wants in a relationship, and if it really is me that she is supposed to be with. I told her that I was going to do the same, go out meet some new people and stuff like that, but I'm also not interested in anytype of intimate relationships or stuff like that either.

 

So as I said things our now over, I am feeling really hurt inside and kinda rejected, but those are common feelings to have. I found it kinda ironic (and funny) that 2 years ago I met her and we hooked up on my B-day, and now were breaking up on that same day. It did make me feel really upset though that she would be that "cold" to end everything on my B-Day. I kinda felt that she should've just said "let's talk tomorrow after Church", but then I also wanted to just get things over with so it's not all her fault. Anyways, I know we may end up trying to be friends again later on, and I know that I will still have feelings for her (she impacted my life in ways no one will understand) and I know she will still have feelings for me (I impacted her life in the same way), so I don't really know what I should really do. I still see myself being with her in the future, and she feels the same, but it's kinda devestating to know that she may be with someone else for now, and I may be with someone else as well. Anyways, if anyone wants to comment, ask questions, or give tips, feel free, I'm open to anything right now just so I can help myself get out of this spiral of confusion, despression, and despair.

[somanaomi]

well to me it just sounds as if you need some time apart, maybe you're young (:S i dont know) and need some time to have some fun before settling down again. breaks always help, and you might find that you both want each other back soon.

[Finch]

I'm going through a similar breakup with my ex of about the same amount of time. Let me tell you.. this has been the hardest and most difficult thing for me to ever go through. Half the time I am so confused and depressed about something that I can't even behave rationally.

 

Her and I have been through so many stages of friends, more than friends, no contact, slight contact... it's been a huge mess. Originally we decided that we'd break up and just be friends with benefits. That was about 6 months ago..

 

A lot has changed since then. She's started dating another guy, who is about 6-7 years older than she is. I don't know why she is with him honestly.. that isn't right considering that she is only 17 years old and he's 24. However, she doesn't have any respect for him but I think she does care about him. She has been cheating on him with me the whole time.. however, it still hurts that she is seriously involved in another relationship while I have nobody. That is a very difficult situation to be in.. especially when the relationship between my ex and I is going through some difficult times.

 

I found out the other day right after I had sex with her that she had sex with this other guy that she's with. It totally devastated me. I've never been that sad in my entire life.. The fact that she told me right after we had sex was awful. The worst part about it though is that she said she only did it to see if she could establish a deep connection with this guy.. And the second worst part about it is that her and I were each other's firsts. It's hard knowing that she's been with another guy like that. I still can't get over it and this was several weeks ago.

 

Right now the relationship that her and I have is pretty good.. we've worked out a lot of things but there are still a lot of problems. I'm falling for her again and that's definitely not what I need right now. The whole purpose of this story was to show you my mistakes and some of the different paths that you can take as far as how your relationship goes. However, just be warned that some paths are going to be almost too difficult to bare.

[Switch187]

Well thanks both of you for the tips/advice. I guess I'll give a little update since some things have been said that may change certain things. So even though we said "no contact" last night, we both go to the same church, and both said we will be at church the next day. At first I told her that I would sit somewere else, but she said that she would like it if we both still sat next to each other so we could at least talk. So I got to Church went inside, and she met me inside (usually we meet in the lot and go in, but I didn't want to wait around). When she came in, she said hi and asked me if I was "okay", since she could tell something was up. I was nice to her (but not to nice to make her think I'm still clinging on the relationship) and I was short with her (but not to short to make her think that I was pissed off at her, especially since we were at Church). She leaned over and said that it was a horrible thing that she did "breaking things off" during my B-Day, and I just told her that I was upset at it at first, now I just find it funny since we met on my B-Day as well. Anyways after Church is when the conversation started.

 

Instead of leaving with her mom after Church, she said that she would stay with me for a bit so we could talk, then asked if I could drop her off at home so she could go to work afterwards. I said fine, since talking with her is necessary at this time. So we sat and talked. We said alot, I talked about how I felt she was giving up our relationship just to have a social life with friends and so she could work full time. She said that she just needed time to grow up and become more independent and self reliable, instead of being "babied" her whole life. She also said she wasn't giving up on me, and that this isn't about having a social life (although she said that she was bored with our relationship since we were stuck in that rut of only staying at home with each other, and that going was a bit fun). I also told her that it was upseting since most of these problems that we had could have been worked out together, and that breaking up wasn't the best solution. She also said that she had tried many times (which she did) to try and change things, but I never really "listened" to her. I told her I knew that was one of my biggest problems (which I had also mentioned during our relationship) and that I need her help to become a better "listener".

 

We talked a bit more, and she had said that during this break she's not interested (or isn't going to) in getting into any type of relationship with anyones (like kissing, sex, and anything in that area). She also said that was something that was bothering her about us, and that we needed to make things different since we shouldn't be having sex with each other outside of marriage. She said she really wants to stop having sex with me (which also meant she wasn't going to have sex with anyone else during this time) until we are married, which she said is something she still sees happening between us. We talked for a bit more, but the she needed to get going to work, so we walked to her door and said some final words.

 

I told her that I don't see us having a friendship anytime soon (which is what she said last night, I was just repeating it), and that if we ever do become friends again, then I would only pick it up if it meant we were working on getting back together as well. I told her I see myself with her in the future, but if we become "just friends" then I really don't see myself really being in her life since I would want to us to get back together. She said that she also wants us to get back together as well, and that she still see's herself being with me it's just that right now it's "too early" for us. We gave each other a hug, said goodbye, and then she said that she would see me at Church so we could talk again. So even though nothing has changed in our relationship last night, we both still established that by taking time apart, meeting new people (as in just talking, not going around and having sex) will help us realize what we want in a relationship, as well if the other person is who we really want to be with.

[Finch]

Well I hope that those plans work out for you. Just remember to stay on course because it's very easy to get distracted.

 

Honestly, it sounds to me that she just wants out of the relationship. Like you said.. all of the problems you two were experiencing were things that could have been worked out while you two were together. She most likely got bored with the relationship and this is your wake up call.