Journal of My No Contact Struggles

[Seff]

Yesterday was my first day of True no contact. This was my first ever gf and man was I was so in love...

She broke up with me on the 10th. We had sparse contact the following week, although she tried to make me feel a lil better she only made me feel 10 times worse and vice versa.

I say yesterday was the first day of true no contact because even when we didn’t communicate directly, I would still fb stalk her, as well as check out other sites she was on.

what I found out on Twitter: She’s trying hard to forget me.

What I found out on a fetlife: She’s looking for a play partner and Master - one day after the break up btw.

What I found out on Livejournal: “She really thought about a giving it a break instead of a break up but decided an end was the best solution.”

What I found on FB: “She’s glad to be over a life challenge, with new depth and insights, and moving forward, forward, forward with a fiery passion!”

So yeah, obviously its time to stop torturing myself with this stuff..

I’m resolved to keep it True no contact. To give myself positive affirmations, to try and improve myself, to love myself, and become stronger so this will not happen to me again.

But it’s easier said than done.

Yesterday after work I went to see two movies with a buddy.

The first movie, Oz a Disney movie with strong love elements only made me think of her more and more. That was hard. But it was the first day of True no contact.

[Seff]

Today the supposed second day and I’m having so much trouble. My mind is wondering at work. I almost broke down and resolved to see her. But I won’t. And I didn’t online stalk her either.

Thing is I’m having trouble finding good intentions for myself. The affirmations I’m saying to myself, about forgetting her, and focusing on improving my life, they don’t work if you don’t mean it.

I’m not sure what my intentions are for this evening. Am I going to go home and wolloe in self pitty?

Am I going to go home and work to better myself?

If I ask this other girl out what are my intentions there?

I know she’s interested but am I really interested in her? Or just want some company? Would I really be giving her a chance? I don’t think so. Not at this point.

[skygreen1111]

Hey Seff. Congrats on realizng the right thing to do. Its a hard road but it works. I would recommend defriending her from all those sites, not to be mean or spiteful, but because as long as you are friends, you are gonna check, and anything you find while checking is going to cause you a lot of pain. With facebook, thinks wil pop up on yoru newsfeed without you even trying to look.

 

Anyways, day 2 is early and it's ok that its rough. The wound is still very fresh. From my own experience, the healing is very gradual, and it's ok to let yourself feel bad, just dont walllow in it too long. The affirmations are good, it's ok if you feel like you dont mean them when fresh in the pain of day 2. Think of them more as goals Not things you mean, but things you plan to do. Improving yourself, getting over her, etc. Things to focus your mind on for a couple weeks, and then you will start to feel and mean them more as time continues. Keeping busy will help a lot as you wont have as much time to feel awful.

 

I would be careful with asking the girl out. It's not really fair to her if you are feeling so heartbroken right now. Maybe wait a couple weeks and then try?

 

It sucks to hear that time will help, but im on day 30something now and time definitely helps. Just be patient with yourself. Healing is gradual and comes in waves..

[Seff]

Hey Skygreen, thank you for your reply and your positive words. Yup I blocked her on fb, its good advice. This online stalking stuff is just so self destructive.

 

I hear you about it coming in waves. After telling myself over and over again to let her go, let her go, let her go, I really start to feel much better, but then a little bit later I'm obsessing again.

I just cant stop thinking about her. I can't get her voice out of my mind. I'm even imagining how she would react if she knew I was posting here. "That's nice, good for him" with a snide "hehaha" at the end.

 

There's this one guy I know she was attracted to during our final weeks. I'm imagining she's having a good time with him now... Although he is far far from bf material.

 

But you've already made it past day 30. Good for you man. And it is comforting to know it does get better with time.