Too early for "I love you"?

[LonelyMoondancer]

We've only been together for three months, but he's liked me for about six years. I feel like I genuinely love this guy, and I feel like even though he isn't saying it, he loves me too. I see it in his actions and the way he treats me. We talk about the future, we talk about how much we care for each other, and this is the longest and strongest relationship for both of us. Often I want to let it slip that I love him, but I'm wondering if maybe that's not a good idea. I don't want him to think I'm pressuring him to say it back, but at the same time, I think I'd be hurt if he didn't say it back, even knowing how he feels. I just don't know if I should be honest and tell him how I feel, or if I should hold it in, and for how long.

[becomingkate]

I think we said it at four months, but we'd been faced with a break up at 2 and a half months because he had to move; in the end we decided to try a LDR and he told me he loved me on his first trip here to see me.

 

Three to five months seems a common time frame to declare your feelings.

[mhowe]

If you are not ready to "not hear it back" -- then don't say it. You know how he feels -- but if he isn't ready to articulate it --- and he responds w/ "thnks" --- you will be crushed....and it will change how you feel.

 

Just be. If you are overthinking it -- you are over thinking it! It will just "pop" out when you are ready.

[LonelyMoondancer]

Well thinking about it seriously, I don't think I'll actually be crushed if he doesn't say it back. I know he still cares for me, and I can tell him I don't expect him to say it back. I'm just wondering how to go from there on if that happens. Do I not say it again, or keep saying it? I just feel like I'm holding back and not being honest by not saying it at this point, and he has initiated almost everything else to be fair.

[mhowe]

I don't mean to be rude or harsh -- but just because you feel something, doesn't mean you need to share it that minute.

 

Because you are wondering "how to go from there" -- I strongly suggest waiting on saying it....because you CLEARLY want to tell him "I don't expect you to say it back"....when you really, really do

 

You are not holding back or being dishonest if you are returning his affection....with affection. Words not necessary.

[LonelyMoondancer]

I don't find that rude or harsh at all- I put this out here to get some honest thoughts. Thank you guys. I can keep it to myself and continue to show him affection the way he shows it to me. But eventually, one of us will have to say it, and I wonder if I'll be back to this again. Either way, more time won't hurt though, I can see.

[mhowe]

Exactly --- this isn't a race to see who says it first --- and actions speak wayyyyy louder than words.

 

Also, if this is his first relationship (judging by age) --- then saying it for the 1st time to the 1st real gf -- is a big thing.

 

Don't over think -- just enjoy.

[Mistress]

At 4 months-ish I shared it. I didn't hear it back. I took it in stride, hell, I felt it and it wouldn't change that, and didn't. But here we are almost 5 months later, and he still hasn't said it back. He shows it, we talk about the future, but the words aren't there.

 

Just be prepared. The lack of words bother me, but not as much when I start putting things in perspective.