strangekitty Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 Hi. I'm having a terrible terrible day. Woke up at 5 to go work a 12 hour shift, and after txting back and forth with my bf of almost 1 year now he said "we need to talk". I said later while im not working, n told him i loved him. He shoots back with "you love me but are u *IN LOVE WITH ME* Of course I am. ~We've had our issues, which can definitely affect things like sex, etc... too many issues but just last week we agreed to not be mean anymore (it was him being awful to me)... He has issues from being a teenage soldier in Iraq, and he wont go to counseling. I love him to death but I don't know what to so. We live together. Very sorry for the rambling long post but im here at work trying not to cry and dreading later on... Can anyone help give some advice thank u. -kitty Link to comment
rosasnyder811 Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 When you talk to him, don't be accusatory, point the finger, or any of that. Use things like "I feel like this when this happens..." That way it's not confrontational and you both have a better chance of coming out of this without ending things. He is obviously concerned about your feelings for each other, which tells me the communication is not as good as it should be. "I feel like we don't matter when you don't want to go to counseling. I just want us to work. Would you consider going if we went together?" Stuff like that...be understanding, stay calm, even if you get angry. Try not to accuse, call names, any of that. Link to comment
strangekitty Posted March 19, 2013 Author Share Posted March 19, 2013 Thank you, that is definitely good advice. And you're right, our communication has suffered due to my reluctance tov say things, even in a non-accusatory way, because I never know when whatever i say will make him angry. I dont get angry, he does, and I cry. I wish I could get him to go to counseling- he has terrible PTSD plus who knows what else; he wont go with me or by himself even tho he can go to the VA for free. I dont deserve to be treated like he has treated me, but i know a different side of him, the him i fell in love with. He is sweet, giving, understanding... it seems like sometimes he just gets this demon inside him who will say the most awful things to me... i am so freaking sad... Link to comment
rosasnyder811 Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 PTSD is a horrible problem, and no you don't deserve it. Neither does he. He probably saw horrible things over there, and if he doesn't learn to cope with them, he is never going to be okay-- with or without you. He needs to understand how much his inaction is hurting you and your relationship. Would he be willing to just try a few sessions? For you? For your relationship---so you two can have the relationship that you deserve? Link to comment
strangekitty Posted March 19, 2013 Author Share Posted March 19, 2013 i wish he would... ive been trying ever since we've been together and he told me some of the things he saw... i soooo wish he would go. My psychiatrist even gave me the name of a great VA therapist and ive told him i would even go with him, but he flat out refuses since he doesnt think it will help. I can relate- i had horrible anxiety and depression for years and my sister (a social worker) convinced me finally to go to therapy. it was one of the best thingss ive ever done for myself I wish i could get him to go. Link to comment
rosasnyder811 Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 Ask him what bothers him....ask him if a few sessions is worth it if it turns out that it actually helps? All he loses is a few hours. Link to comment
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