Losing my will to learn.

[wasabi196]

I don't know if it's just a phase in any teenagers lives that stress is beginning to build up so much easier than before.

Sadly most of us don't know how to cope with such situations.

 

Having said that, I actually have been experiencing such, with all the school work piling up and marks not as anticipated, I fear that I have lost the will to learn.

 

It all happened at the beginning of the year while returning back from our summer holiday (being in the Southern Hemisphere, Summer is in December.) my mom decided to do something absolutely embarrassing, she read out all of my grades in front of my friends. I'm not saying that my grades are terrible, but I certainly believe I could do better.

Usually, I would've just ignored my mom, however, this time I just couldn't bear it, being compared to other people, being utterly embarrassed and being looked down upon. I didn't know what to do. Now being in grade 11 these marks are the most important for my future, and I'm trying my best to improve my marks, but it gets a lot more difficult with our ever-changing syllabus.

 

I know it's my own fault for not studying hard enough and I wouldn't completely blame my mom for what she did, but the least she could do was cut me some slack. She never destroyed my older sister's self-esteem when my sister had horrible grades, she never compared my sister to anyone else and she certainly never looked down upon my sister. So I really don't think its fair for my mom to begin pressuring me.

 

Right now, I just don't know what to do, because talking to my mom about this situation would definitely not work, she says I must stop pointing fingers, but maybe she should stop pointing her nose down at me.

[morrowrd]

The low self esteem, that in itself will corrupt any motivation and what your mom did was cruel. She was 100% in the wrong and feel free to show her my post. I'd be happy to talk to her about why it was wrong. I grew up with a mother who would do the same thing to me and over time, it does do it's share of damage....just do your best to get through the next year or so and get out of that house, and on your own. Then you can work on some damage control without all your work being undermined.

 

Meanwhile, what you need to do now, is shut up and work. Learn the art of dismissal - dismiss your mom's behavior as best as you can, and focus on your schoolwork. Eat, drink, and sleep work...it will help you catch up, it will help you with your art of dismissal. Don't worry about your friends and what they think..I'm sure most of them have some average or poor grades themselves. And number two, get help! Go to your teachers and have a one on one, tell them that you are sorry you got behind, and that you would like some extra help. Plan to spend some of your personal time after school, during lunch, or before school if thats a possibility, whenever the teachers say they are free....and get caught up. Many times, teachers will grant you a passing grade based on effort, so show some here. Not half ass effort, the shut-up-and-work kind, means get rid of excuses and do it.

 

Then go to college and get the hell out of that house. Me? I was in your boots and ate drank and slept schoolwork until I not only caught up, I graduated early, and joined the army. That decision was a deciding factor in how the rest of my life played out. And I'm very happy with myself and what I have accomplished. I also understand what it's like going through the beratings of a parent. Mine called me a fool, told me over and over something was wrong with me, and said she wished she could homeschool me because she didn't think I could succeed in public schools. I thought to myself, "theres NO way I want to be home with you all day being put down." Even today, many years later, my relationship with my mom is estranged...mostly due to anger over her treatment during childhood, and the fact that even today, she hasn't changed.

 

If I had a chance to chit chat with your mom, I'd give her the heads up on whats to come. She'd better rethink her treatment of you. My son got horrible grades in school, and my ex wife and I would argue over it. She would be pissed about the grades, all I cared about was learning and doing his best. I didn't even care if it was an F, if it was an honest F. Although I told him, 99% of the time if you're trying, you won't get an F. My son is now an adult, in college, and he lives home with me - I love having him home and have told him he can die of old age here if he wishes. I love him and would have had regrets if we were estranged.