Two months and it feels like two days

[Bodiecray]

Long story short, I gave her all I had. Everything I was. I loved blindly and still do. She gave it back to me, more than I ever expected. Suddenly she stopped. Now it's all gone. She turned it off and I still can't. Back to what she had before. I want her back. I want her happy. I want to ruin her life.

 

I am empty. I still cling to her because I fear that clean slate, that fresh start, it seems insurmountable now. By the time I'll be able to trust or share again with another I'll be past the point of having the future I wanted.

 

I was her affair. She told me to be patient. Now she's gone back to him because she couldn't see a future with me. She pulled it off. He'll never know what she did but I want him to. Why should she get to go off and have her happiness while I'm left in the dust. Alone. Missing all I've known and was for almost two years, every day.

 

It finally came time to take action and she couldn't do it. She chose him. I want my revenge. Does he deserve to feel the way I do too? Betrayed? No one does. I almost feel bad for the guy. She'll turn on him again someday with some other fool like me. He'll feel like this. She's a horrible, selfish person. He's just another fool himself.

 

How do I let it go? When I see her living that future I wanted too. We could have had it together. I wanted it. Now I have to start over and try to find it again, to live that life I want someday. The healing will take a long time. I wish I could wake up tomorrow and forget. Find someone to share it with. Someone to talk to. Someone to love and love me back. Someone who thinks it's worth fighting for.

[Tinkie9901]

Hi Bodiecray

 

Don't be too hard on yourself. You will let it go with time, and everyone is different. For me it was around 2.5 months before I came to accept the relationship wasn't meant to be. But even now I am missing the companionship and struggling with the loneliness.