BryanPain Posted January 31, 2013 Share Posted January 31, 2013 I need some advice, soon... A new coworker started working with my wife a short while ago. He is young, from what she tells me, good looking and new to the job. In any case, when she first tells me about him, he is 27 - 30 some odd years old (she is 46), strong, good looking, but not very good at the job he was hired to do (these are her words). In any case, he is from her home town and speaks her language (she is not a native English speaker). I call her today as I typically do, ask what she is doing, how her day is going, normal chit chat. She tells me she went to a clothing store with this guy during her break and was heading back to drop him off at his home. He lives very close to their work. I ask why she took him to the store, she tells me he is new to the country, does not have a car, no family and so on, and she was doing him a favor. I say ok, not really liking this, but ok. In any case, she must have heard something in my tone, because she calls me back 15 min later after she had dropped the guy at his house (she was with him when I called). She goes on to tell me that she bought working clothing for him at the store as he did not have any, about $100 worth. I asked her why she would buy clothing for this guy, she tells me he did not have any money on him and that he was going to pay her back that evening when he returned to work. She then goes on to tell me he was only 24 and that he needed help and did not know where any stores were, that he had only been her six months and so on. Then she asked if I was upset. We had to end the discussion as I had to get back to work, so I said its fine and hung up. Truth is I was upset at this point, I am still upset. I don't want to go off acting like some insecure weenie, but seriously. Even if the guy pays her the money back, is this appropriate for a women to do? What should I do? Link to comment
MapleCanuck Posted January 31, 2013 Share Posted January 31, 2013 Has there been any issues with infidelity or trust/ boundaries in the past with you and your wife? If not, I'd all to your wife, but be calm. Try, even if its hard, to see her point of view. Maybe she innocently wanted to help this kid. At the same time, you should ask her how she would feel if you helped a cute blonde with her "shopping"? Link to comment
bulletproof Posted January 31, 2013 Share Posted January 31, 2013 Is it possible that the large age gap is making her act more like a mother towards him? That she views him as a very young guy who needs help because he doesn't have anyone, and the fact that he is from her country makes her feel a certain obligation? Link to comment
offplanet Posted January 31, 2013 Share Posted January 31, 2013 It's very possible she's just being kind to him in a motherly way, especially because he's from her own country. That makes sense. I can't see anything wrong with it so far. Link to comment
BryanPain Posted January 31, 2013 Author Share Posted January 31, 2013 I spoke with her about it last night. I asked how she would feel if I were to do the same. At first she agreed, and then got defensive, kept going on about just wanting to help and that I don't trust her and so forth. I understand her feelings on the trust side, I do not like being jealous or insecure, not really part of my DNA. May well be some motherly thing, but then again he did not pay her back that evening like he said he would. In truth I understand the motherly thing, and if he was 18ish I would not even raise an issue. 30 is another story. So I am ready to go confront the guy, specially if he dos not pay her back. It's once thing to be a little jealous, it's another to let this guy take advantage over her. Link to comment
mhowe Posted January 31, 2013 Share Posted January 31, 2013 He is from her "home town" of another country. Relax. She is trying to help him fit in. As to his age -- 24? 27? 30? --- who cares. Do you trust your wife? She got defensive because you were most likely badgering her. She called as soon as she had dropped him off. Confronting him over $100 will make you look foolish. Am sure your wife is capable of asking him to repay her. Link to comment
MapleCanuck Posted January 31, 2013 Share Posted January 31, 2013 Take your wife out to dinner. Apologize and just maybe offer to meet this guy in a nice way. It could be legit. Remember, women are oblivious to how horny and conniving guys can be to get laid. Link to comment
BryanPain Posted January 31, 2013 Author Share Posted January 31, 2013 You have a point, my wife is a sweet, caring, loving person, but very naïve in this area. She just assumes that a person is nice to her because they are a nice person. She was been really screwed over in the past as a result. One of the posters asked if I trust her. Yes, I do, I do not believe she would go out and willing do something she would later regret. But I do know she would unknowingly put herself into a position where something she would regrete could happen or she was taken advantage of. I know this because it has happened to her before. So, yes I trust her, but I also know her and I am not lacking in street smarts. So, while I am upset abuut the whole thing, I guess it's also not going to help to make into a big deal. That usually ends with the exact opposite result then was intended. Who knows. Link to comment
bulletproof Posted February 1, 2013 Share Posted February 1, 2013 I In truth I understand the motherly thing, and if he was 18ish I would not even raise an issue. 30 is another story. So I am ready to go confront the guy, specially if he dos not pay her back. It's once thing to be a little jealous, it's another to let this guy take advantage over her. Not that it matters, but I thought she said he was 24? Do not confront him. If she is a little naive, then she needs to work on that and a good start is that she asks him herself about the money. Stay out of it unless a time comes in which you really do have to get involved. Right now is not that time, and you will potentially make problems for her at work. Link to comment
BryanPain Posted February 1, 2013 Author Share Posted February 1, 2013 Not that it matters, but I thought she said he was 24? Do not confront him. If she is a little naive, then she needs to work on that and a good start is that she asks him herself about the money. Stay out of it unless a time comes in which you really do have to get involved. Right now is not that time, and you will potentially make problems for her at work. She said he was 27 or so when we first talked about him. She told me he was younger when we talked about her taking him shopping. I think she wanted to make him sound younger because she new I was not happy about her shopping for another man. Agree with your point though, I think at this stage all I would do is make a mess of it. Will be interesting to see if he ever pays her. Link to comment
bulletproof Posted February 1, 2013 Share Posted February 1, 2013 I think she wanted to make him sound younger because she new I was not happy about her shopping for another man. I think that she guessed his age to be 27-30 before she knew him, then while they were shopping he said 24. Why do you suspect your wife would lie to you? That sounds like maybe you have other issues if you truly think that. Link to comment
BryanPain Posted February 1, 2013 Author Share Posted February 1, 2013 I think that she guessed his age to be 27-30 before she knew him, then while they were shopping he said 24. Why do you suspect your wife would lie to you? That sounds like maybe you have other issues if you truly think that. Not so much, it's a cultural thing. In her culture it's more important to keep keep someone from getting upset then it is to be perfectly honest. So, she may not lie, but she will de-emphasize. It's been an issue since I have known her, very different then western culture. If she spends $100 on something and knows I would be upset about it, she will tell me she spent $50. She won't directly lie, but by nature she will hold back, limit or just say nothing at all. Link to comment
bulletproof Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 Okay, then that's a problem within your relationship. One that has nothing to do with him, really. He isn't lying about how old he is. Link to comment
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