Religious break up

[sjones92]

Hi there, I realize everyone here is of different religious beliefs but for those of you who do believe in God I have a question.

 

My girlfriend of 2.5 years recently broke up with me and through our discussions following the break up she has said that she prayed about it and believes God is pushing her in a different direction from me. There are other factors, I know she has feelings for another guy but they aren't in any type of relationship and she just wants to be single for now, and I also had some minor insecurity/jealousy issues. I guess my question is do you think her view that God is telling her to move on can change or do you believe when someone feels their life is moving in a different direction that doesn't tend to change. We have been relatively NC for 2 months (only 2 communications one initiated by her and one by me) and I know she wants to be friends which I know I am not ready for. Is it stupid to think she could come back if she feels this is where God is leading her?

[Seraphim]

I think it's purely individual. Why does she feel you're both not on the same page?

[pl3asehelp]

I think if a person honestly believes God is telling them anything that they are then truly capable of doing or saying anything.

[offplanet]

People often (maybe unconsciously) use God as the excuse when they don't want to say that whatever is their own wish! Whether it's God leading her, or her own wishes, she could come back. Possibly the fact that she had feelings for another guy led her to realize that she doesn't feel strongly enough for you any more. Nobody can say if that will change or not. But if she's taken the step of breaking up after 2.5 years she's probably definite about it. Remaining friends wouldn't be a good idea. It'd keep you hanging on, whilst she's free to pursue her interest in someone else. Meanwhile you'd be friendzoned. The only way you'd have a chance of her getting interested in you again would be if you broke contact completely and act independent and carefree, rather than having her think she could come back to you at any time and you'd be there waiting. BTW people often say they just want to be single for a while when really they have in mind that they want to find or be with someone else. You find this out later. I think you're not really accepting that she wants it to be over. It's better to face it so that you don't get strung along by the silly idea of being friends with someone you love but who's moved on and will sooner or later be with someone else. It's not really friendship anyway.

[sjones92]

BTW people often say they just want to be single for a while when really they have in mind that they want to find or be with someone else. You find this out later. I think you're not really accepting that she wants it to be over.

 

I don't doubt that she is attracted to this other guy, and that she may even eventually want a relationship with him but I find it hard to relinquish hope. We are each other's first serious LTR and I feel like this gives her the "what if" mentality. Our relationship was very strong and to me the BU was out of the blue so I feel like she might just be confused and eventually miss what we had. I know that's not the only possible outcome but I have a hard time letting go of hope when I see that type of thing happen in other relationships.

[offplanet]

I just don't think should be 'friends' with her, because that amounts to you emotionally bound to her and not able to move on while she gets the best of both worlds, her freedom and you still waiting around for her. Hope is ok, but not when it puts you in that position.

 

When someone gets dumped they often say the other person is 'confused' about what they want, but that can amount to being in denial about what's happened. Has she given you any reason to think she's confused, or is that wishful thinking on your part?

 

In any case, the best thing you can do is refuse contact with her. She won't miss you if you're always available as before. Maybe she would miss you if she thought you'd moved on. And if she doesn't, then you're still ahead.