Someone1 Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 How did you do it? Or how do you do it? Need some advice... Link to comment
schreie12 Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 I'm there right now. He left me for a 27 year old single mom with a 3 year old when he never wanted to sit near kids at restaurants and admitted that he'd be a ****ty parent. Focus on you. The betrayal feeling will change to anger and then to indifference/feeling sorry for him/her. Don't give anyone the power of controlling your emotions. Link to comment
nsomnia912 Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 Every woman I've loved including an ex wife left me for another guy... in horrible ways.... the wife came home one day a month before our 2 year anniversary and said "this isn't working..and I don't want it to work" she started getting dressed up nightly and going out.... sometimes didn't come home... I knew what was going on.... I moved out about a month later and her new future husband moved in.... he actually pulled up with his stuff as I was moving out my stuff.... Next came the love of my life... 3 years together.. it was a test in every way... I bought a ring for her and was going to surprise her when she got back from a trip..... I found out she met a guy on her trip, cheated on me... and the worst part was she didn't even break up with me... she just ignored me . I found out through Facebook they were together... 5 months after she's moved accross the country... married him... for some it gets easier as time passes.... for me the pain has never gone away... it never will... You will hear that there's plenty of fish...its their loss . . Not your fault... you'll move on.... I suggest you go that route... find a new love and try again... otherwise you may find yourself etching names onto bullets... Link to comment
shellyf62 Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 I am so sorry this happened to you My Ex had an affair with a co worker 19 yrs his junior. I found out & threw him out & he went straight to her. We had been married for 17 years & have 2 children. It has taken me 14 years to get to the point of being happy, trusting, and able to let someone into my life. I am lucky that I have met an amazing man. All I can tell you is time does heal wounds. But in the mean time be kind & gentle to yourself. Do what you need to do to get through! Link to comment
nsomnia912 Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 I'm celibate now.... I have no use for relationship... nor am I interested in getting one.... Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 Over time the pain goes away because living your own life gets in the way. You have things to do, things to look forward to, a life to lead and over time the focus will be on all the daily things that are going on in your life that what your ex did to you will no longer be of importance. In life, in many different situations you will have to deal with rotten people..and your ex is just one in a long line of rotten people that you will have encountered in your day to day life. Link to comment
Limiya Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 Hi, There are many of us here who are affected by their loved one leaving us for another person. I am also going through the same. I don't know the answer to your question however, because i'm trying to work through it myself too. The only thing i can say, is friends, family, doing fun activities, meeting new people will HELP you move forward and start the healing process. How long it takes? that's another matter entirely. I think it's all down to the individual and what they do for themselves. Your brain will eventually process all the emotions slowly and methodically, but it takes time. In the meantime, as said above, be kind to yourself. Treat yourself. Do what you can. We will always remember what they did to us, but one day we won't care anymore. Limiya Link to comment
divequeen89 Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 I'm right there with you My ex left me for another girl as well, and I had been doing wonderful until he called. Some days are easier...some are tough. On the days you feel like you're about to loose it, be extra kind to yourself. Love yourself. Pamper yourself, tell yourself you are beautiful. One day at a time....pretty soon he'll be a distant memory. I promise you that. Remember this: You don't want anyone that doesn't want you. Link to comment
Lems Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 I am also there now. We've been split up for a month now. I think it is a little more difficult when kids are involved because you can't just cut and move on. There are good days and bad days...with time the bad days will become less... and less..... The worst is the betrayal and abandoned feeling.... I'm seeing a psycologist and I'm on anti depressants. My psycologist said write everything down that bothers you. Get a book and just write... GET IT OUT..... Your thoughts create your emotions. It is difficult to control your thoughts if you are hurt...but you DO have a choice in terms of what you think about.... I agree with the other people. Distractions are the best! Stay busy busy busy! Sometimes you dont feel like doing anything. when I feel like not depressed and I'm at home...I have a glass of wine and listen to my favourite music and talk to my friends over facebook or whatever..... You do have all these questions in your head and keep asking why? how could they? etc....That is the thing! it is the way they are! They are selfish in cheating and hurting you! The are inconsiderate! Careless! It is in them! Do you really want to be with something that is capable of doing that to you! no. It is sick and nasty. Another thought that has crossed my mind which also helps a little personally.... If you really love someone. More than yourself. And your ex is happy with the other person. You will let them go...., because you really WANT THEM to be happy. And if your ex is happy with another person then so be it...... its fine with me....as long as he is happy. Last but not the least. Surrender all to God. Just say to Him "I cant take it anymore, please help". Let go of all the hurt and pain, just surrender. give up those feelings...... and keep on praying.... Link to comment
sportsguy9981 Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 My ex left me for Mr Perfect, first they slept in the same bed together (no sex only kissing, from what she initially told me), after 4.5 years with her. I would say its her loss.. it hurts so bad still to this day to be left for someone else, she cheated on me 9 months before that and I forgave her and then she put me through that whole pain again and left me for the guy this time.... it hurts so much and Im still in the hurt stage 4 months later. Im better then I was when it first happened, dont know how I got through the holidays, and now Valentines Day is coming up, I expect her to get engaged to this guy the way she was talking about him to me. As for me Im alone but in all reality I think Im finding some inner happiness, and trying not to rely on someone else for my happiness.... Im not the type to jump from relationship to relationship, I give things quite a bit of time to reflect and see where Im at in life. If it was ment to be it was ment to be, Im not the type to force and convince and fight for someone who has no interest in me... one day your ex and mine will see how good we were to them, yes I made mistakes, but nobody is going to tell me what kind of person I am, because I know im a very good and loyal partner, always was and always will be. All you can do is hold on to your own dignity and be a mature, stable and loyal partner.. I believe this is how most people's parents raised them to be, and I believe your parents want you to be happy, I know mine do. And the only way to be happy is to treat others with respect, not leave them for someone else.. be the better person, and if this has happened to you, learn to not do that to someone else. Learn to love yourself and then you can love others. Link to comment
HDC80 Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 It comes from within really. Im 'good luck chuck' for everyone I date...they date me....meet someone while dating me....and then leave me to marry them or start a fast track life with them.....leaving a trail of hurt behind them that they care nothing about. I know for fact in one of these instances I was directly cheated on. I never felt a lack of self worth, or pity.....I just knew he was weak....and not man enough to end it with me BEFORE starting something with her----COWARD! It was nothing I did or didnt do.....it was no reflection on me.....and laughed at her---who wants to be with a cheater? Who wants that insecurity WALKING into a relationship? Doesnt look to be very strong. He moved in with her almost immediately (we had been together almost 4 years)----and they got engaged a few months later....and married a YEAR TO THE DAY of his and my huge blow out/break up. My most recent ex...Im now pretty sure started something before he took a month of silence from me and then broke it off. He moved in with his new girl about a month after our official split...and she got pregnant about a month after that. The kid is due a month after a year of our split. For whatever reason, this one is hurting more than the last one did.....I believe because of the moving in and CHILD so fast. I still have yet to live with someone----and at this point....think Im jaded enough to never look to live with someone (seems everyone has already done it once and Id like to walk into that with someone who is doing it for the first time too)---and I dont know that I could handle sharing spac and my life 100% of the time. We'll see though. Link to comment
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